King Rat
by EzraTheBlue
Summary: It's a simple deal- what Gojyo wants in exchange for good behavior and silence. However, Kanzeon Bosatsu has other plans for them, and now Gojyo will be fighting with his own emotions as his world changes around him. Lemon. Mpreg. Kappa/Monk. R R!
1. A Deal With The Devil

-1King Rat

_Deep water, deep water, senseless denial_

Author's Notes: Please read with brain and hands out of pants! I think you'll enjoy it more. The Suggested Tracks are songs that I listened to or had in mind while writing the chapter, and they sort of help to set the mood for the text. I know, cheap trick, but I work best with music. Enjoy, read, and review!

Disclaimer: Do not own. Do not own anything. Would like to own space heater.

Other Disclaimer: This chapter has earned an M rating. This story is not suitable for younger readers at-freaking-all. This story contains naughty language and sexual situations. Seriously, they probably wouldn't even put this shit on HBO.

1: Deal with the Devil

Suggested Track: "Alone Down There," "King Rat," Modest Mouse

There was only one room, and in it were only two beds, and Hakkai won at cards every single time. His sleeves must have had Kings, Aces, and Jokers sewn into the sleeves. Goku had come in second, because every once in a while, the monkey hit a lucky streak. Rather than electing to keep the ever-warring kappa and priest apart from one another, he took the second bed and left the two together. Two futons were laid on the floor of the inn room, side by side, crowded and cramped, with Hakkai in one bed and Goku on the other. Both were already fast asleep. Genjo Sanzo and Sha Gojyo were on opposite sides of the room, perpendicular from their other party members and staring directly at one another: Sanzo with what seemed to be immeasurable hatred, and Gojyo with a cigarette between his fingers and a sneer painted onto his features.

"Pick a blanket, pretty boy priest," Gojyo taunted in a low voice, puffing a smoke ring and licking his lower lip. "Come on, let's just snuggle."

"I'll kill you," Sanzo muttered. "I could wipe that smirk off your face permanently, and put coins in your eyes without a second thought. Coins in your eyes and a bullet between them."

"I love it when you talk dirty," Gojyo teased. "Now, what's it gonna be? You next to the idiot monkey, and myself protected by Hakkai, or you by Hakkai and me arguing with the idiot monkey all night?"

"When the fuck do you even sleep?" Sanzo grumbled, his voice a bored monotone. "All you do at night is toss and moan about how badly you want to get laid."

"I don't sleep well alone. I need a teddy bear, preferably one with a good set of tits," Gojyo chuckled as he tapped the ash off the end of his cigarette. "Masturbation only takes the edge off, you know. I could yank it until I passed out, and I'd wake up five minutes later knowing I didn't get laid."

"For fuck's sake," Sanzo hissed, rolling his eyes. "Do you really need to get laid to sleep?" Gojyo smirked eagerly. He liked where this was going.

"Damn right. What, are you volunteering?"

"If it'll shut you up and make you sleep the whole night without disturbing me." With that, Sanzo began to strip his robes down, leaving them folded over his obi, and pulled his pants to the floor. Gojyo shook his head.

"You're not gonna get me a hooker dressed like that."

"Who said anything about a hooker?" Sanzo replied coolly. "You want sex, you can come goddamn get it." As Sanzo kicked his jeans aside, the smile slid from Gojyo's face.

"I don't do that, man. I want a woman. I want a goddamn woman!"

"I won't say a word, I'll let you do what you want with my body, and you will go to sleep having had a fuck." Sanzo folded his arms, as Gojyo stared at him, agape. Sanzo waited to Gojyo to refuse, shut up, and go to sleep.

"Wait, ain't you priests supposed to be all chaste and celibate and shit?" Of course Gojyo wouldn't shut up. Sanzo pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it.

"Celibate doesn't mean 'virginal.' Celibate means 'unmarried.' People think it means abstinent from sex, but they're wrong. And as for chaste, Buddhism tells us that the body is meaningless. It is the soul." Sanzo let smoke puff from his lips, and continued. "Let me be frank. There are four great truths in Buddhism, the third of which is that 'suffering ends when craving ends,' and as a priest, I will lead you to goddamn Enlightenment by ending your cravings for fucking." Sanzo extinguished his cigarette and pulled his gloves off, letting them drop beside his jeans. "And if you're not going to buy that explanation, I don't care about Buddhism. I care only about my master, and my master cared about making others happy. Screwing will make you happy, so be it. Moreover, if I don't get you to shut up and sleep, we aren't going to complete our mission, and I'm not going to be happy. Got it?"

Sanzo looked at Gojyo, but realized that the kappa wasn't paying attention. He was instead drinking a beer. He put the empty can in the trash and opened another one. The tab had barely finished hissing before Gojyo put the can to his lips. Sanzo raised a cold eyebrow as he put the beer in his belly, wiped his lips as he gasped for breath, and turned to the priest.

"Look, we'll make a deal. Give me five minutes." With that, Gojyo opened another beer and poured it into his gullet like he needed it to replace his blood.

Five minutes and six empty beer cans later, Gojyo and Sanzo were seated on the floor. Sanzo had a small scrap of parchment with calligraphy detailing a basic contract. Gojyo was trying to get down a seventh can around a cigarette, trying to maintain his chain smoking alongside his alcohol dependence. Sanzo finally detached the beer can

from Gojyo. "Are you still sober enough to do business?"

"Alcohol hasn't hit bottom yet, I'm good," Gojyo chuckled, though the pink in his cheeks said otherwise. "Just tell me what it says." Sanzo scoffed, pushed his glasses back up his nose, and straightened the paper out.

"I, Sha Gojyo, hereby agree that in exchange for shutting my trap and not pissing Genjo Sanzo off, I will be granted the privilege and opportunity to have sexual relations with Genjo Sanzo.

I, Genjo Sanzo, hereby agree that in exchange for the silence and appropriate behavior of Sha Gojyo, I will allow aforementioned perverted kappa to participate in sexual relations with my person.

Both parties agree that the contents of this contract and all activities related to it will remain secret. Should the aforementioned information be compromised by revelation to or discussion with any parties not mentioned in this contract, this contract will be considered null and void." Sanzo took another drag on his cigarette, and slowly exhaled. "Sign." Gojyo took the pen from the table and scrawled his name, lopsided and seemingly misspelled. Sanzo signed his name directly under, and put the date beside it. "There. Now, I'm going to lay down and shut up. Do whatever it is you want to do."

"Wait, you want to suck me off, or should I just stick it in your ass?" Gojyo pounded the table, trying to keep his attention.

"Put it in my ass. I won't feel it. If you put it in my mouth, I'd have to taste it." Sanzo got on his knees, folding his arms on the ground, leaving his robe-covered butt in the air as an open offer. "Just get it over with." Gojyo stared at Sanzo before him, who stared at him with apathetic eyes, and at the thin trail of smoke from his cigarette drifting lazily past his forehead. He couldn't even muster a comeback.

"You're going to need to give me another minute. I can't get hard with you staring at me like that," Gojyo finally said, and turned partially away from Sanzo, who simply scoffed.

"I thought you were perpetually hard."

"Shut up," Gojyo hissed, glancing at Goku and Hakkai. Both were fast asleep, but no amount of noise would wake Goku, and Hakkai would probably think nothing of it even if he did awaken. He tried to pretend they weren't there, and that the monk laid on the mat was a beautiful blonde woman. The alcohol began to affect him, and as his vision blurred, he could see Sanzo as a pretty woman, albeit one with testicles. Yeah. He'd had a few of them before. He pulled his pants down, as his cock rose to half-mast, slowly growing at just the potential of having sex with a woman. Oh, the woman was in his imagination, but it had been so, so long. Gojyo felt his lips curl into a devious smirk as he grabbed his member with one hand, thinking about a warm, tight body for him. Just for him, oh yes; no way tightass Sanzo had done this before. It would be tight, he thought, and warm, and tight. Want it, want it, think of how good it's going to feel. He gave it a few slow strokes, he licked his hand, he made his grasp firmer. Slowly, the beast reared its head, swelling and engorging, turning crimson with pent-up passion. The demon from his boxers wanted a vacation from the left hand, and as he found himself fully erect, Gojyo turned back to Sanzo. Sanzo didn't look; he was drumming his fingers lightly on the floor and looking out the window, clearly putting his mind somewhere else. Gojyo shook it off with a thought: 'He may be a man, but he's as bored as any hooker.'

Gojyo sauntered across the room, feet silent on the tatami, and he knelt behind Sanzo, lifted the back of his robes, and surveyed his pale, thin back. Sanzo sighed softly, impatiently, but said nothing. Gojyo tried to focus through his now-affected head. The alcohol was working- Sanzo had a thin waist, and with the help of the liquor, Sanzo looked enough like a woman from the waist down, at least until he started easing his cock into the crack. He hesitated for a second as he glanced at Sanzo's exposed manhood, but reminded himself- 'it's not about who or what it is, it's a warm body to put myself into.'

Gojyo spread Sanzo's flesh out in his palms, found Sanzo's tight rectum. He gazed upon the offered opening like they were the gates to Heaven, and forced his way in with one quick buck of the hips. He heard Sanzo make a noise like he'd been punched in the gut, but the monk quickly bit down on his fist to silence himself. Gojyo pulled back, and thrust again, bucking his hips and pressing his bones into the soft flesh of Sanzo's backside. Another thrust, hard, deliberate, forcing himself as far into the tight, warm space as he could. Sanzo made another muffled noise, and if Gojyo wasn't as drunk as he was, he would have considered it a moan of pleasure. Instead, he thrust into Sanzo again, and felt a grin creep to his face. 'Sex with a man,' he thought, 'is not so bad at all.' He gripped onto Sanzo's shoulders, holding on tight, pulling him back towards him. His rhythm was slow, but the beat was hard, throbbing like a bass guitar, and it may well have shaken the room. "Dirty priest," he found himself muttering as he pounded against Sanzo. "Dirty, rotten, bastard of a monk…" Gojyo felt a light kick, and looked down at Sanzo's foot on his thigh, then to Sanzo's face. Sanzo shook his head 'no,' and Gojyo remembered the two youkai sleeping around them. Gojyo grinned drunkenly; he did have an audience for this performance.

With a slap of flesh to flesh, Gojyo pushed his cock farther into Sanzo's ass hole, and Sanzo let out another, more pained moan. He pounded the floor with one fist, grabbing the blanket from his futon and pressing his mouth into it, but Gojyo ignored his antics. He pulled back and bucked again, trying as hard as he could to make Sanzo moan again. He shifted his hands, sliding up Sanzo's back and gently squeezing Sanzo's chest. He found the nipples between his middle and index fingers like a cigarette, and rolled them while massaging Sanzo's flat breasts. Sanzo made a muffled noise and tightened around him, and Gojyo laughed deviously, out of breath as he continued to ram Sanzo from behind. He was feeling the pressure build against the head of his member, his seed aching to escape. He couldn't resist, and it had been too long since he'd actually let himself orgasm. He pushed himself back from Sanzo, and let his cum gush onto the floor.

Gojyo panted roughly, his jaw slack in his sudden tiredness. He tucked his cock back into his boxers and wiped his semen from the mat. Sanzo remained on his hands and knees, head to the ground and hands folded in what some would think was prayer. He got up as Gojyo pushed himself back to lean against the wall and light a cigarette. He chuckled softly to himself as Sanzo dusted himself off. The priest looked at the seemingly sated kappa with disgust and disdain, shaking at the fingers, and suddenly punched him in the face. Gojyo yelped and covered his eye, as Sanzo's entire body shook with barely-contained rage.

"Next time you do that, you… spit on your cock first!" Sanzo hissed, vitriol pouring from his tongue. His cheeks were bright pink. Gojyo choked out a laugh, and extinguished his half-finished cigarette.

"Just go to bed, monk," Gojyo chuckled, shaking his head as the bruise began to blossom on his face. Sanzo huffed irritably, and lay down on the futon next to Hakkai, pulling the covers over his head. Gojyo kept his laugh under his tongue, and decided that he, too, was exhausted. He'd poured himself into his favorite hobby, and found his body satisfied with a good round of sodomy. He slid down the wall and rolled into the other futon, barely remembering to pull up the quilt before closing his eyes for the night.

When the party awoke to Hakuryu's crying at the rising sun, Hakkai, Sanzo, and Goku found that there was no kappa. The three went down the stairs to the dining room, where Gojyo waited with a table. It seemed a waitress had already brought an order of breakfast and laid it out, with four empty plates waiting to be filled. Gojyo waved to them, and they walked to join him.

"Good morning, Hakkai!" Gojyo sounded exceptionally cheery. "Good morning, idiot monkey!" He turned to Sanzo, the smile on his face subduing, and he simply nodded in the priest's general direction. Sanzo grunted irritably.

"Good morning to you too, Gojyo. That is a most excellent black eye," Hakkai remarked cheerfully. "Where did you get it?"

"I gave it to him," Sanzo muttered, taking a seat at the table. "He deserved it."

"Ahh, of course. I should have known. Gojyo, did you sleep at all sharing the floor with Sanzo?"

"Oh, I slept wonderfully. Now, can we all just be quiet? I've got a murderous headache." Gojyo continued to smile, pulling out chairs for Goku and Hakkai. Gojyo sat down after they did, and began to load up his plate with fried eggs and cucumbers.

"Eh, Gojyo, you have a hangover?" Goku asked, blinking innocently. "I didn't see you drink that much last night."

"He did, and then I punched him," Sanzo grumbled, as he poured himself a cup of tea and flipped open his newspaper. Hakkai looked at Gojyo expectantly, waiting for the retort, but Gojyo said nothing. Goku began to eat quickly, but Gojyo ate calmly, subdued, much like Sanzo and Hakkai.

Hakkai laughed nervously. He'd known Gojyo for three years, and he'd never seen the man act nearly so mature, especially when taking abuse from Sanzo. In fact, Gojyo was normally the one initiating the arguments. Hakkai decided it was time to put on the "adult pants" and see what the children were up to. He looked at Sanzo, and spoke in a very serious voice. "Sanzo, did you do something to Gojyo last night?" Sanzo and Gojyo both choked mid-bite, looking at one another briefly, before Sanzo looked back at Hakkai.

"Why do you ask?" He asked, his voice as muted as it always was.

"He's acting so civil, especially towards you," Hakkai stated, picking up his teacup between his palms. Gojyo's eyes darted anxiously between Hakkai and Sanzo, as he downed a glass of water. Sanzo kept his eyes on his newspaper, his face unreadable.

"Gojyo and I had a discussion at length and have temporarily resolved our issues," Sanzo said after a moment. Hakkai smiled and giggled airily.

"Was this before or after you punched him?" Hakkai took a sip of his tea, as Gojyo gobbled his way through a cucumber. Sanzo huffed softly and didn't respond. "Still, it will be nice, the two of you not arguing. Perhaps we shall complete our mission with greater ease." Gojyo and Sanzo gave each other a firm glare, as though to remind one another of their contract, and continued to eat in silence.

Kanzeon Bosatsu, the Goddess of Mercy, witnessed their actions from Heaven on high with mild interest. She giggled softly to herself, and Jiroushin peered in.

"Did you call, milady?"

"Just thinking," she answered softly. She traced her cheekbone with one finger, smiling blithely. "What would you think if I decided to send the Sanzo party a small gift?"

"Pardon me, goddess, but you generally don't give gifts," Jiroushin suggested timidly. "Not without them earning it."

"Yes, but Genjo Sanzo is performing an act in the name of Buddhism, so he says." Kanzeon Bosatsu smiled slyly. "I give gifts to my students and followers. Genjo Sanzo has always been of interest to me, and it would be only to his ultimate benefit. He has opened himself to an interesting opportunity. Besides, I've still loose ends to tie up from their first lives." She laughed softly. "I shall gift-wrap a special present for the high priest."

________________________________________________________________________

To be continued!

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	2. The Doubt

King Rat

_Deep Water, Deep Water_

Author's Notes: Thanks to those of you who have read so far! I hope you enjoy this chapter. Things are about to start getting weirder.

Disclaimers: I own nothing.

2: The Doubt

Suggested Track: "Time Is Running Out," Muse

Hakkai had done nearly everything in his power to try and bring back what he recognized as the normal Sanzo and Gojyo, but it seemed that there was no use. He had resorted to putting Goku in the front seat and forcing the two to sit next to one another in the back seat. However, nothing worked. The two simply folded their arms, and Gojyo looked away from Sanzo when they were in the Jeep. Even if Goku started an argument, Gojyo would remain silent. Hakkai was genuinely worried about Gojyo now. He knew very well that Sanzo probably got along perfectly well in this manner when he was alone, silent and brooding. In fact, the only thing that had changed was that Sanzo was not threatening violence against Gojyo, perhaps because Gojyo was doing nothing to him. However, it was apparent that Gojyo was deliberately avoiding arguments with his party members, and barely even speaking at times. Hakkai knew Gojyo, and the Gojyo he'd seen for the past three months was not him.

"Gojyo, I worry for you," Hakkai told him in a serious voice, worry in his eyes. It had been three months since he'd noticed the change. The four of them were in a tavern like they were most nights, patching themselves up after encountering a particularly vicious tiger-like youkai. Gojyo was slumped backwards on a chair, straddling the back, and Hakkai was knelt beside him. Sanzo was stretched out on the bed in the larger of their two rooms, examining the bandages on his arms and torso. Hakkai had patched them all up one after another, by injuries, from most severe to least severe. Gojyo had taken a fairly brutal beating, but Sanzo had burns up and down his body. Goku was last in line, with the extent of his wounds being a few bites (including one which left him now laying on the floor on his belly with his butt in the air, bitching about the pervy monster), and Hakkai didn't even need a 'kiss it better.' Gojyo, who was letting Hakkai clean his gashes out, glanced at the youkai hunter apprehensively. Hakkai had brought up the change in him often, and he didn't know what to tell him. Gojyo tried to do what he normally did; shrug it off.

"I'm just tired, man. Real tired." He remained still, his arm extended and shaking as Hakkai used his chi to close the gashes and began to wrap the scars tightly in gauze.

"I worry for your health, then," Hakkai replied, as he moved around Gojyo. "You saved my life and nursed me back to health once, and I owe you the favor and more. I consider myself your friend, and I would be remiss in allowing you to suffer." Gojyo cursed quietly under his breath and lit a cigarette with his free hand.

"There's nothing to tell. Look at me. Do I look unhealthy to you? Do I look like I'm suffering?" Gojyo gave Hakkai a sharp look, and Hakkai's meaningless smile returned.

"You look angry that I question you. If you don't want to talk, then I understand. Just know that you can talk to me any time at all." Hakkai continued to bandage Gojyo, and Sanzo looked at him meaningfully. Gojyo chuckled softly to himself, thinking, 'No, I can't.'

Gojyo knew the rules of the contract, although Sanzo had been forced to re-explain the terms once Gojyo had sobered up. He knew that as long as he didn't piss Sanzo off, he would get sex. If there was a day when he did not behave, he would go without. He also knew that he could not tell the others. As much as Gojyo liked to talk, this aspect was a particular challenge. He would have loved to tell Hakkai about how he was fucking the monk, about how good it was, but he knew that if he did, Hakkai would probably be disgusted or disappointed, and then Sanzo would cut him off completely. He had entirely given up chasing women, fascinated only by the easy conquest of the monk. (This worried Hakkai as well, because he'd noticed that Gojyo was receiving less slaps to the face from waitresses.) It burned him, because as much as he enjoyed himself, he hated it. He didn't hate that he was sleeping with a man- he got over it because it was fun. He hated not acting like himself, but moreover, he hated what he was doing. He knew, in some ways, that he was taking advantage of Sanzo. He also knew that Sanzo would start to loathe him rather than his current indifference if he didn't at least make it worth Sanzo's while.

Hakkai finished patching everyone up, and sighed contently. "Well, now we're all doing well. Shall we play cards to determine who shares rooms?"

"I will not sleep if I must share a room with Goku," Sanzo declared immediately. He looked at Gojyo expectantly, who said nothing and hung his head, but Hakkai filled in the blanks.

"And… Gojyo, you would not sleep if you had to share a room with Goku either."

"You guys are so mean to me!" Goku whined, and Sanzo whapped him across the forehead with his fan.

"Shut up, idiot. You know very well you'd spend the whole night arguing with him," Sanzo drawled.

"Same arrangement as we have had, then. Goku, come with me to the other room. Gojyo, since Sanzo's injuries were worse, let him have the bed."

"No problem," Gojyo replied nonchalantly. Hakkai paused, staring at Gojyo solemnly. He knew that Gojyo should have argued back, but he wasn't going to. He shook his head and left with Goku at his side, still chattering.

"Ne, Hakkai, why's Goyjo acting like somebody died?"

"Well, Gojyo, let's get this over with," Sanzo sighed, and he stretched himself out in preparation for fifteen minutes on his knees. This was his usual initiation of relations, and the extent of his foreplay. Gojyo stared lamely over at Sanzo from his chair.

"I don't want to," Gojyo mumbled through his cigarette, shaking his head. "I don't want to do it, Sanzo. Something feels really wrong about all this." Now was Sanzo's turn to be taken aback, but his face didn't show it.

"Don't joke around like you give a shit about how wrong it is. If you want your goddamn orgasm, you'll come get it. Otherwise, I'll just go to sleep." Sanzo sat crosslegged, leaning forward with a cold glare, as Gojyo pensively dragged on the cigarette. "Don't tell me I've quelled your immeasurable passion, kappa."

"You haven't. I just want to make things feel right again. I'd like very much to sleep with you, Sanzo," Gojyo mumbled, shaking his head again. He didn't like the way his chest was tight; it made him feel like a frightened child. Sanzo watched as Gojyo tossed the half-finished cigarette into the ashtray. He was wasting precious nicotine. Gojyo stripped his shirt off and sat on the bed beside Sanzo. Sanzo's eyelid twitched with irritation, but he wasn't rejecting him outright. "You've done too much for me," Gojyo muttered begrudgingly. "It's time I returned the favor. Stick it in me."

"You want me to do what?" Sanzo replied, his brow shifting.

"I mean it, you should do to me what I've been doing to you." Gojyo's voice was gentle, almost as though he were speaking to someone he cared about. Gojyo slid his pants off, and tied his hair back. Sanzo continued to stare, his eyes running up and down Gojyo's chest and legs. Without clothes on, he looked much smaller: slender, though thicker than Sanzo. Sanzo stood up, and moved closer to Gojyo, almost touching him. He studied Gojyo's face, trying to read his game, but there was nothing he could read in the kappa's sharp features. Gojyo bent his head forward a bit, tempted to plant a kiss on Sanzo's forehead, but knowing he shouldn't. Sanzo finally nodded, and began to strip his robes down to his waist. Gojyo dropped to his knees on the futon, and Sanzo slowly removed his clothes and circled Gojyo like a shark.

"Do you think I get some sort of sick pleasure out of letting you fuck me? I don't." Sanzo spoke slowly, deliberately. As he dropped his robe from his body onto the bed, his bandaged burns were revealed. Gojyo restrained a frown, his eyes following the priest, as Sanzo pursed his lips around his cigarette. "Do you think I actually enjoy our nightly encounters? I don't. They are for your benefit." Sanzo peeled his shirt from his chest and dropped it beside his robe. The bandages shifted, burnt skin showing briefly, but Gojyo didn't care. Gojyo didn't even need to drink to erect himself; Sanzo's slender waist, firm muscles, and shapely hips were enough. He just couldn't bring himself to fuck Sanzo, something in his soul wouldn't let him. He knew that it had to go the other way this time. His dull eyes followed the pacing priest, the glowing tip of the cigarette dancing in the moonlit room. "You look like a whore." Gojyo flinched as Sanzo reflected his own initial sentiment, but the way the words dripped lazily off his tongue made him feel worthless. Sanzo rolled the cigarette in his teeth, and circled Gojyo again. "Are you dead, Gojyo? I don't even recognize you."

Sanzo was behind Gojyo, and Gojyo closed his eyes and shook his head. He felt a jolt as Sanzo pressed one foot into his back, forcing him flat on his belly and knees bending his ass in the air. Gojyo winced as his thigh pressed into one of the wounds on his belly, but said nothing. Sanzo strolled to the front of Gojyo, who bowed his head like a worshipper, but Sanzo grabbed Gojyo's hair and pulled his head back up. Gojyo stared into Sanzo's eyes. Purple, world-weary, utterly unreadable. Sanzo could see Gojyo's eyes were wide, intimidated, unsure, and he pressed his lips against Gojyo's lips, and his tongue into Gojyo's cheeks. Gojyo inhaled deeply, smelling and tasting Sanzo.

His scent… there were no words adequate in Gojyo's mind to describe it. He didn't smell clean, but he didn't smell dirty, either. He had a soft musk, like old paper, like sand and dirt, like warmth. His flavor was the same- he possessed no words to describe it. Sweet, salty, sour, bitter- none of them fit. He couldn't tell what was on his taste buds, other than it was warm, wet, and savory and he liked it. Sanzo drew back from the kiss as abruptly as he'd begun it, and grabbed the back of Gojyo's neck. Gojyo was breathless, stunned, but Sanzo was in control.

He unzipped his jeans and yanked them down past his crotch, revealing only what was necessary. Gojyo barely had a second to survey Sanzo's erect package- it was average in length, and looked clean- before Sanzo put it into Gojyo's mouth. Sanzo kept one head on the back of Gojyo's head, muttering indistinctly as he tried to ease the head of his penis against Gojyo's tongue. Gojyo looked up at Sanzo, wide-eyed, unsure, childlike, but Sanzo looked away from him. He pressed his lips around the shaft, a tentative suck, and ran his tongue along the bottom of Sanzo's dick. Sanzo sighed softly, and Gojyo did recognize the distinct sound of relief. He pressed his lips tighter, running the full length in and out of his mouth a few times, keeping his tongue moist and against the head as much as he could. Sanzo tasted good. He tasted like the world. Gojyo moaned softly, indicating his enjoyment, but Sanzo's fingernails dug into the skin on the back of Gojyo's neck, reminding him to stay silent. He muffled his protest against Sanzo's flesh, bringing his lips tight around the shaft. Sanzo very suddenly extracted his flesh from Gojyo's maw, and Gojyo panted softly, staring at the stiff rod wet with his saliva. He ignored his own erection, and controlled the urge to grab Sanzo's and finish the job. Sanzo leaned over Gojyo, staring down at him derisively, the cock still temptingly close to his mouth as Sanzo wiped the drool from Gojyo's open lips with his middle finger.

"Disgusting youkai," he hissed, and slowly paced back behind Gojyo. Gojyo shivered with anticipation as he felt Sanzo press his palms into his back above his pelvic bone, and the weight shift as Sanzo got his bearing. Gojyo closed his eyes, and was satisfied when Sanzo slowly entered the hole, pressing forward. Gojyo cried out in pain as he was stretched in a way he was sure he wasn't supposed to be stretched, but as it got more painful, it started to feel good in a sick way. Then, Sanzo hit a good nerve, and Goyjo moaned aloud. Sanzo stepped on Gojyo's toes, and leaned over as he pressed himself deep against Gojyo's prostate. "You make one more noise, I'll kill you," he whispered, and Gojyo grabbed the pillow and pressed his face into it to smother his cries. Sanzo slowly, slowly, slowly pulled his cock out, and thrust it back into Gojyo with force. Gojyo felt his heart jump into his throat with the force, but didn't have time to recover as Sanzo gripped his hips and began to buck quickly. Sanzo was inexperienced, and it was obvious he was only doing what felt good for him. Even so, Gojyo was somewhere between pain and pleasure, and Sanzo had begun to grunt softly with each thrust of his hips. Gojyo winced, pressing his backside into Sanzo as he tried to keep himself in.

"S-Sanzo, slow down," Gojyo mumbled, as quietly as he could, hoping Sanzo didn't take him the wrong way and stop. He had lost count of how many times this treatment had already driven a wave of orgasmic pleasure through his body. It hurt like hell but felt wonderful at the same time. Sanzo growled, and then very slowly drew his cock out, then rammed it back in. Gojyo bit the pillow again, as Sanzo continued to crash into Gojyo, bending his hips, pushing Gojyo out and stretching him. Gojyo pounded the floor with his fist, feeling the gashes on his chest strain as he tried to breathe. Sanzo suddenly let out a sharp breath, and Gojyo felt him cum inside him. His own cock was damp and throbbing as it released its pressure, and he left his fluids spilled on the ground. Sanzo slowly withdrew his member, and Gojyo fell forward onto his chest, his naked body still hunched over.

"You liked that," Sanzo muttered, as he shuffled to the washroom. "Sick bastard." Gojyo failed to find words, but instead let his quivering hand flop lamely through the pile of his clothes. He found his cigarette pack and matches, and rolled onto his back. His hands were shaking like he'd been beaten. He managed to place a cigarette on his lower lip and began trying to strike a match. Sanzo was over him, after he finished washing himself, and he took the match from Gojyo and one of the cigarettes from the pack. Sanzo lit a match and his cigarette first, then handed the dying flame back to Gojyo so he could light his. "So, are you dead? You're starting to look like a corpse." Gojyo shushed him, unable to summon any more words. Sanzo scoffed. "You're going to want something for that blood." He vanished back to the bathroom, and Gojyo felt a towel land on his belly. He picked his head up, looking for the blood Sanzo spoke of, and realized that one of the gashes on his torso had been opened. He tried to rearrange the bandages, but he couldn't sit himself up to see. Sanzo knelt over him and fixed them himself, and pressed the towel over the blood that had seeped onto the floor and marred his skin. As Sanzo's pale hands flitted across the natural tan of his belly, Gojyo took a slow drag on his cigarette. He rolled the smoke in his mouth to try and forget the taste of Sanzo's tongue, even as he dabbed at the wounds he'd opened.

"Thank you," he murmured, shaking his head and tilting his head back. Sanzo didn't reply or ask him what he was thanking him for, but instead roughly dragged Gojyo's body onto the futon, put the pillow under his head, and dropped the quilt over his body.

"Just go to sleep, Gojyo," Sanzo ordered, repeating Gojyo's instructions to him from the first time they lay with one another, and he took the cigarette butt from Gojyo's lips and smashed it in the ashtray. Something in his voice seemed to sound gentle, but Gojyo filed that idea under post-sex delirium. Gojyo let his eyes close, ignoring the terrible insecurity of feeling like a child. He simply slept.

In the morning, Hakkai entered Gojyo and Sanzo's room. The priest was fully dressed, smoking his first cigarette of the day and staring out the window. Gojyo was tangled in the quilt like he was in a spider's web. Sanzo glanced at Hakkai, and greeted him with a nod. Hakkai nodded back, and knelt by Gojyo.

"Blood?" Hakkai looked at Sanzo. "What happened?"

"He tripped," Sanzo replied, not moving the cigarette from his lips. "He bent his waist the wrong way and it opened."

"Oh." Hakkai didn't believe him, and Sanzo could tell. Hakkai began to examine Gojyo's body, his face stuck in its usual smile, hiding his worry. Gojyo opened his eyes as Hakkai looked over the bandages on his belly. "Good morning." Gojyo smiled slightly, not speaking. "The wounds seem to have fully closed overnight." Gojyo nodded, the smile on his face fading. He looked pale, and Hakkai put his hand on his forehead. "Hmm. You don't look well, but you don't feel feverish. Gojyo, do you feel well?" Gojyo rapidly shook his head, and quickly rolled from his back to his knees, pushed himself to his feet, and rushed to the toilet. He heaved, and Hakkai rushed after him, pulling Gojyo's sloppy ponytail back over his shoulders as he emptied his stomach. Sanzo shook his head, and sighed.

"Your constitution is weak, kappa," he muttered, and filled a cup with water from the basin. He left it in Gojyo's reach. "I'll go get breakfast." Gojyo retched harder at the mention of food, and Hakkai shooed Sanzo away with one hand. Hakkai rubbed Gojyo's back, as he continued trying to bring up stomach acid.

"Gojyo, has Sanzo been hurting you?" Hakkai asked in a serious voice. "There's something very wrong between you two." He pulled Gojyo upright, and forced him to drink the water. Gojyo shook his head, and immediately leaned over to reject the water. Hakkai sighed softly, and stood by the kappa.

There was something wrong, and Hakkai knew it.

________________________________________________________________________

End Notes: If you like it, review! If you don't like it, review! If you have a suggestion, review! Next chapter will be up next week. Thanks for reading!


	3. Enlightenment

-1King Rat

Author Notes: This chapter is where things start getting weird. If you dislike, hit the back button.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing. Nothings!!

3: Enlightened

Suggested Track: "Whale Song," Modest Mouse

The Sanzo party found themselves stopped one morning just outside of a small mountain town, having car troubles. Sanzo was sitting on the steps of the inn, smoking and adding to a pile of butts on the ground. Goku was chasing a pigeon. Gojyo was laying on the porch flat on his front, watching Hakkai solemnly. At this point, he was arguing with the one among them who shouldn't have been able to argue: the car.

"Now, Hakuryu, I know that Gojyo has been ill in your back seat twice in the past three days, but you must be merciful to him. He cannot help where he has to vomit, especially on the bumpy roads," Hakkai scolded the little white dragon in his sweet, fatherly voice. Gojyo sighed, as Sanzo gave him a soft glare.

When Gojyo first became ill, it seemed that the first incident was a fluke, that his seemly weakness was related to his exhaustion from fighting youkai combined with excessive drinking. Hakkai suggested he cut back on beer, and he was alright for a week. Then, Gojyo began vomiting again. He complained of tiredness, and spent much of the time in the Jeep asleep. Three weeks from first becoming ill, Gojyo began to complain about the smell of exhaust, moaning that he was nauseous. He then began to become sick not only every morning on awakening, but whenever the smell became too much for him. He was always fatigued, and wasn't able to even look at food, let alone eat it. Goku was enjoying this the most; they would order enough for four, and Goku would eat enough for himself and Gojyo, leaving the kappa to mope away from the table, covering his mouth and nose. Hakkai tried to cure his internal ailments without reading too deeply into Gojyo's chi, but he simply couldn't find anything to fix. Now, Hakuryu and Hakkai were arguing over the situation as best as they possibly could.

"Yes, we have taken him to see an apothecary. We've taken him to two. Neither could help him. They gave him medicine, and it didn't help." Hakuryu squealed. "Yes, they must be idiots unworthy of being called doctors, but that doesn't mean we can do anything about it." Hakuryu snorted. "The priest? Priests are not magic. They can call on the power of the gods, but that's not magic. Not really." Hakuryu chirped a few times. "What do you mean, my chi?" Hakuryu and Hakkai both looked over at Gojyo, and then back at each other. "No, I don't use my chi to read the souls of my friends. If they want to keep things secret, they will, it's not my place…"

"Hakkai, tell the Jeep to get over it and just transform!" Goku whined, as the pigeon flitted away. Hakuryu whined, and dove into Hakkai's satchel. Hakkai sighed.

"He says he's not going anywhere with Gojyo." There was a distinct clicking as Sanzo cocked his pistol, and Hakkai urgently hugged his satchel/dragon/mode of transportation to his chest.

"Just leave me here," Gojyo mumbled, staring at the sandy ground. "I'm useless. I'll only be in your way."

"Okay!" Goku chirped, bounding towards Hakkai. "Get the Jeep ready, let's go!"

"Stupid monkey!" Sanzo and Gojyo snapped at the same time, as Sanzo whapped Goku over the head with his fan.

"I was being sarcastic," Goyjo added.

"It's hard to tell when you talk like that!" Goku whined.

"We are not going to go anywhere without Gojyo. We're friends, and you know if it were you, Goku… Never mind," Hakkai sighed pleasantly, folding his hands. "Well, Hakuryu tells me there's a Buddhist sanctuary ten miles up the mountain."

"Then we shall go, and I shall try to consult the spirits for the source of Gojyo's illness. I suspect our enemies have something to do with this," Sanzo muttered, glancing at Gojyo again.

"Then we shall walk." Hakkai's smile was as peaceful as always, but Goku and Gojyo moaned. Sanzo rolled his eyes, but folded his hands within his robe and stood. He walked directly past Gojyo and Hakkai and started his way up the dirt path. Goku, still complaining, scampered along behind him. Hakkai helped Gojyo to his feet, and Gojyo dragged himself along.

"I can't believe you guys are really putting up with me," he mumbled, as Hakkai ran his arm around Gojyo's neck and helped the tired man stay upright. Gojyo focused on the back of Sanzo's head, following the sun he perceived through his bleary, sleepy eyes. Hakkai rubbed Gojyo's cheek with his hand, and lifted his chin up.

"I'll take care of you, like you took care of me."

"Will you stop being my friend when you don't owe me anymore?" Gojyo chuckled. Hakkai laughed as well.

"I'll always owe you in some way. You gave me the kick in the pants I really needed right when I needed it. You made me live when I wanted to die." Hakkai gave Gojyo a very brief hug. "No matter what this is, I'm by your side." Hakkai had watched Gojyo like a hawk since the first day he fell ill, and he knew now more than ever that Gojyo was unhealthy. He had to do something to help Gojyo.

--------------------------

Hakkai wasn't the only one watching Gojyo carefully. A certain youkai prince had chanced to see Gojyo vomiting violently in the street while just passing by, and went to his subordinates with his concerns. At the inn they'd just left, Yaone hung over the porch with a jeweler's glass, searching the ground. She'd already gathered Sanzo and Gojyo's cigarette butts and put them in separate sample bags, but since they smoked the same brand, it would take a while to check through and determine which belonged to whom. She wanted an alternative, and she soon found it near where Gojyo had been laying. A single long red hair came into her view, and Yaone picked it up with a pair of tweezers and put it in a test tube. "Doku," she called over her shoulder, and Dokugakuji rolled from his hiding spot on the roof and landed beside Yaone. "I've got enough."

"Good. When will you be able to examine it?" Dokugakuji asked, pensive.

"As soon as we return. Lord Kougaiji asked me to put a rush on it." Yaone slipped the samples into a leather pouch on Dokugakuji's belt. "He's concerned about your brother, nearly as much as you are. He won't have some foolish illness take him down." Dokugakuji nodded, and hung his head.

"We'll do what we can to help him, right?"

"If it can be cured, I will make the medicine myself," Yaone assured him with a smile, and he returned her smile. They vanished in a burst of Yaone's magic, back to their realm, to work in the enemy's favor.

--------------------------

Hakkai and Gojyo were far behind Sanzo and Goku, because Gojyo had been forced to stop several times to regurgitate stomach acid. Hakkai kept close to him, supporting him, rubbing his back, and reassuring him that he would be alright.

"I feel like I'm going to die if I have to walk any further," Gojyo moaned, hunched over in pain as his heart throbbed. The only thing that kept him from vomiting again was that his stomach was empty. Hakkai kept offering him water to keep his throat from being burned, but Gojyo could only gargle it and spit it out, feeling nauseous when it touched his tonsils.

"It's only a little further. Look, we can see it." Hakkai pointed up the mountain. The monastery was a mere quarter-mile away, but to Gojyo it looked like another nine.

"I can't make it. Leave me here to die." Gojyo slumped to the ground, and Hakkai sighed in exasperation. "And I'm being sarcastic!" Gojyo quickly added.

"Well, good news. It looks like Sanzo's coming back for us. And he has friends." Hakkai pointed to the road ahead, where a few shorn men in plain robes followed Goku and Sanzo back down the path towards them. Gojyo lifted his nose to the air, and sighed.

"That incense on their robes… it smells really good," he mumbled, and he finally managed to get down a gulp of water. In a matter of minutes, Sanzo and the monks following him arrived. Sanzo nodded to indicate Gojyo.

"Is he still ill?"

"He can't stop being ill. I'm surprised the smell of incense seems to be relieving him rather than making him nauseous again," Hakkai remarked, picking Gojyo up to a stand by his flaccid limbs. He fell to his knees in weakness, unable to keep himself upright for lack of energy, and sighed softly.

"My nose burns," he mumbled. "I must have marked this trail in puke, and hikers are going to follow the path by the smell." Hakkai chuckled. Sanzo simply nodded, and two of the monks picked Gojyo up; one hoisted his arms, and the other lifted his legs.

"Stupid kappa. You better quit doing this," Sanzo grumbled, as they hauled the weak half-youkai up the trail towards the monastery by his limbs.

Gojyo was forced to kneel on the sanctuary floor with a bucket in front of him, but it seemed that the stronger the incense was, the better he felt. He was able to support himself groggily as Sanzo spoke to the head priest, explaining their mission and that they were struggling to progress due to his illness. Goku made faces at Gojyo from Sanzo's side, and Hakkai stood by his side, one hand on the redhead's shoulder. Gojyo struggled to even decipher the words Sanzo said in his fatigued mind.

"… I ask for access to your inner sanctum, that I may confer with the spirits at this place to seek answers for this unenlightened soul." Sanzo briefly glanced over his shoulder at Gojyo, who was looking especially pale, and turned back to the head priest. "I will return your favor by blessing three of your students of your choosing."

"Master Genjo Sanzo, I could never refuse you!" The head priest pandered eagerly. "We will grant you privacy, and I shall select three souls who need your guidance the most." The head priest turned behind him and unlocked the door to a chamber of the monastery's relics, and led the residents from the main sanctuary. Sanzo entered the holy chamber alone, and Goku hung over Gojyo wearing a chipper grin.

"Sanzo must be really worried about you if he's willing to do something in return!" Goku patted Gojyo's cheek patronizingly. Gojyo muttered indistinctly and stared at the very pretty ceiling. Oh, such a very, very pretty ceiling. Such a beautiful spinning ceiling. And such a hard floor under his head, and then the ceiling was gone, and everything else with it into darkness.

--------------------------

Gojyo opened his eyes, unsure of how long he'd been unconscious, but he was still staring up at the ceiling of the main sanctuary. He was surprised that Hakkai and Goku weren't leaning over him, shaking him like a rag doll, but he pushed himself to a sit. Oddly enough, he felt better. The sanctuary was entirely empty, free of dust and footprint, as though nobody had ever set foot within it, and Gojyo smelled something sweet in the air. He looked to the window, and saw not the mountain they'd been on, but unadulterated sunset sky, and Gojyo realized he was dreaming. The shadow of a phoenix fell across the floor behind him, and Gojyo whirled towards the source of light. Kanzeon Bosatsu, in all her glory, walked towards him from a door that led to the white-hot sun itself, and Gojyo couldn't stop from staring at her breasts, exposed through her sheer robes, and beaming like an idiot. The bright light shone on him, making his skin feel pleasantly warm, and Kanzeon Bosatsu came close to him and placed her hands on his sides. Her thumbs traced slow circles on his stomach, and she wore a soft, devious smile.

"Such a pretty boy. No wonder Sanzo lay with you." Gojyo suddenly felt ill, but it was in his mind more than his stomach. She had ceased to be beautiful to him. He wanted to step back from her, but her hands held him tight. He felt like a small child, he was seeing his stepmother in her face, his heart began to race. "Don't be afraid, half-kappa. I sent a present. I'm glad you received it well."

"A present?" Gojyo squirmed a bit, wishing she would stop touching him. She seemed so large, even though he stood taller than her. "I didn't receive anything."

"Oh, but you did, and here it is." She pressed her thumbs alongside his navel. "Don't flatter yourself, though. It's not a present for you. You're just a delivery boy." His middle suddenly began to swell, and she let go of him, leaving Gojyo to panic and thrash at the heavy orb of flesh forming above his hips. Kanzeon Bosatsu giggled mercilessly. "You, half-demon, will have a very difficult pregnancy indeed, and I shall be as merciful as the gods were to your mother. Ensure Sanzo receives my present, won't you?" Gojyo yelped as her shadow vanished and she with it, as his middle swelled up like a pregnant woman's, wide and round, obscuring his feet. He felt like he was possessed, and he could feel the demon moving in his stomach.

"Stop, damn it, I want to wake up!" Gojyo screamed, digging his fingernails into his flesh in rebellion.

"It's no dream, Gojyo," Kanzeon Bosatsu's voice echoed through the empty air. "You will find yourself large with child in but a few months."

--------------------------

"Stop, stop!" Gojyo screamed as he awoke and sat up. Hakkai and Goku both jolted back as Gojyo thrust himself forward, and Gojyo reached for his stomach. He sighed with relief to discover it was flat, and lay back down on the floor. His head was throbbing, his stomach was aching, and he knew he was awake. He rubbed his head and groaned, and Hakkai offered him water.

"You must be dehydrated. Please, try to keep it in your stomach this time." Gojyo took the offered water and gulped it down. He shuddered, but thankfully it wasn't coming back up. "Did you have a nightmare?" Hakkai rubbed Gojyo's knee.

"How long was I out?" Gojyo brushed Hakkai off, looking at the floor tiles distractedly.

"Just a few minutes," Goku chirped, leaning forward towards Gojyo. "You were whimpering like a baby. Baby kappa, baby kappa!" Goku rocked on his heels, and Gojyo stopped right as he clenched one fist to hit Goku in the face.

'Baby kappa,' he thought, dropping his elbow and staring back up at the ceiling. "Hakkai, how can you tell when you've been spoken to by a god?"

"You would have to ask Sanzo, I fear. I don't think I've ever seen a god in a vision. Gojyo, do you think you had a vision in your dream?"

"Nah," Gojyo muttered, looking away. "It was just a weird dream." He rubbed his head, as his blood began to flow again. He couldn't get Kanzeon Bosatsu's words from his mind, nor the pain. He searched his mind, desperately trying to deny it, but his heart throbbed against his chest and he knew it to be true. It had to be. "I could use some more water, and some air. That incense is starting to kill me." Hakkai nodded, refilled Gojyo's mug, and handed it to him.

"I'll take you outside, if you like. Goku, stay and wait for Sanzo, let him know where we went-"

"No, I'll go myself." Gojyo pushed himself to his feet. "Stupid corrupt priest won't care if I'm gone." Hakkai looked him up and down and folded his hands anxiously.

"Gojyo, let me know if you need anything, okay?" Hakkai called kindly. Gojyo huffed to himself as he turned away from Hakkai.

"Quit acting like my mother!" Gojyo snapped, and he strode from the sanctuary to the main yard. He lit a cigarette, puffing it rapidly and burning it to the butt as quickly as he could. Hakkai peered out after him.

"Gojyo, this is not something I do to my friends, but you have left me no choice," Hakkai sighed, and allowed his mind to search over Gojyo's chi. He felt the same things he'd felt before on the surface, the remnants of his most recent wounds. He delved in deeper. There was nothing interrupting Gojyo's energy flow, but he felt an imbalance; there was more energy than there should have been. Hakkai felt his monocle drop from his cheek as his eyes widened. "Oh, Gojyo…" Hakkai covered his mouth, and watched as the red-haired demon vanished into the wilderness of the mountain. He tried to think, replacing his monocle and scratching the back of his head.

"Oi, Hakkai, did you think of something?" Goku asked from the floor.

"In a manner of speaking. I think Gojyo is in more trouble than we know," Hakkai replied, turning back to Goku with a reassuring smile. "But I'll go talk to him. No doubt he'll explain himself."

Gojyo had a fiery anger burning in his gut, and he had nowhere to put it. 'How the hell did this happen to me?' he thought, clenching his fists. 'Fuck the merciful goddess! As merciful as the gods were to my own mother- and now me! I am a man, this isn't supposed to happen! I never wanted a child. I never wanted to bring an innocent spirit into this miserable world. This is a punishment for sleeping with their beloved priest. A present! Like he'd actually want a child, let alone one of mine!' Gojyo looked up at the sky, raising a futile fist. "At least my mother and father loved each other!" He snarled spitefully. "The father of this child will never love it- let alone me!" He turned and drove his fist into a tree, breathing heavily as his knuckles stung. "You made me ill… you made me ache… you want to torture me for nothing! I've gone along with your stupid mission! I don't deserve this!" He felt misery seize him. It only took him a second to decide on an escape route. He pulled the lunellum from his shakujo by its chain, and stared at the sharpened edge. "I could end this. I could end this so easily."

"Gojyo." Gojyo turned at the sound of his name, and Hakkai was standing ten feet from him, arms folded behind his back. His cool was unimaginable, and were he any calmer, contagious, as Gojyo lifted the blade and pointed one edge to his abdomen.

"You won't wanna watch this, Hakkai." He smirked darkly. "Hey, you've killed demons before- where is their torso skin the thinnest?"

"Gojyo, stop." Hakkai's voice and face were serious, but Gojyo wasn't flinching.

"I need to know where to cut. The gods are torturing me, and I'm going to remove their little torture device," he cackled, as he pressed the blade into his middle. "That'll show 'em. That'll show them that I won't be their pawn!"

"Gojyo, stop, it's not a torture device, it's a child!" Hakkai finally shouted, diving forth and trying to grab the sickle from Gojyo. Gojyo dodged, and brought the blade to his neck. He didn't care how Hakkai knew; he didn't have time to ask.

"Why would you even care? I'm not your lover!" Gojyo knew that would hurt Hakkai, but it didn't show on his face. "I'm just a half-demon bastard who should have been drowned at birth! The gods hate me, and that's why they did this to me!"

"Gojyo, it's an innocent child-"

"And you think it deserves life? To live, to be tormented like I was! I always knew I'd never make it out of this world alive." He felt blood trickle from a small cut where the blade was pressed, and laughed softly. He tilted his head back, letting the cigarette hang off his lips. "Hakkai, can you at least smile for me? I haven't been happy for more than a month, and I'd like to end my life and its with a smile."

"Gojyo, don't do this." Gojyo realized that Hakkai was grasping the power limiter on his left ear, ready to take it off.

"That's a stupid idea," he chuckled, sliding the blade a bit deeper against his skin. Every breath he took was restricted by the pressure on his throat.

"Gojyo, who fathered this child?" Hakkai demanded softly, his eyes sharp and focused. Gojyo laughed even harder, as Hakkai struck the problem directly. It was as though he'd been kicked in the chest.

"I couldn't tell you, Hakkai. All you need to know is that he won't take care of me, and it won't matter in a few seconds. Don't take your other eye out over this, buddy, this is what the gods have forced me to do."

"I'll take care of you," Hakkai said, striding towards Gojyo. Gojyo moved to dodge back, but Hakkai flipped over his head and was behind him in a split-second, and he quickly disarmed Gojyo. He threw the shakujo to the ground and caught Gojyo around the waist, lifting him off the ground like a child. "This is part of our test too, Gojyo!" Gojyo kicked and screamed for a moment, enraged that he was being stopped so easily, but he stopped when he saw Sanzo and Goku standing and watching from down the path. Hakkai noticed them too. "Lovely afternoon, isn't it?" Hakkai chirped, his smile returning.

"What the hell are you doing?" Sanzo clearly wasn't buying it.

"How long have you been there?" Gojyo barked. Sanzo rolled his eyes and tapped the ash from his cigarette.

"Not long enough, apparently. What is going on?" Sanzo glared at Gojyo firmly. He knew it was his fault. Hakkai simply chuckled.

"I think we should all sit down and talk. I don't think Gojyo should have his weapon right now, though." Hakkai slung Gojyo over his shoulder, holding him with one arm and gripping him tight. Gojyo could do nothing but stare at the ground in shame, pinioned by Hakkai's surprising strength. He picked up the shakujo with his free hand and strode cheerfully back towards the monastery. Goku turned to Sanzo with a smile.

"Oi, looks like Gojyo doesn't need our help anymore at all!" Sanzo scowled and batted Goku atop the head, as was customary, before turning to follow Hakkai.

-----------------------

Sanzo acquired quarters for the evening after giving brief blessings to several of the younger students, and he was chain-smoking angrily as he sat at the table that evening. The others knew he was pissy about doing his duty. Goku had fun- since he made fun wherever he went- following Sanzo and doing the exact opposite of helping with the situation. Hakkai had chosen to tie Gojyo to the table, and forced him to drink broth and tea to sooth his nausea. Hakkai had finally managed to suppress Gojyo's vomiting, and his fathering instinct drove him to nourish. Gojyo, however, didn't want any part of it, and rather than eat chose to bore holes in the wood with his eyes and will his body to end his torment. He knew that Hakkai was angry with him under his calm surface for chasing Kanan, and that he would have to deal with him sooner or later.

Now that Sanzo was finished with business, he wanted to know what had happened between Hakkai and Gojyo. "You go first, Sanzo," Hakkai had suggested, chipper as always. "What did the spirits tell you?"

"That Kanzeon Bosatsu tests us yet again," Sanzo muttered, lighting a fresh cigarette as the one in his mouth demised. "She tests Gojyo especially. Why do you think we chased you?"

"For a moment, Sanzo, I thought you actually cared about us," Hakkai remarked, laughing softly.

"Tch!" Sanzo grunted, inhaling the cigarette smoke deeply. Gojyo stared at the tobacco enviously; he hadn't had a smoke in hours.

"So, Gojyo, why were you and Hakkai fighting? What did you do?" Goku leaned on his elbows, grinning eagerly and bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"What makes you assume it was my fault, stupid monkey?" Gojyo hissed, eyes snakelike with anger.

"That you are tied up and I am not is a very good indicator," Hakkai pointed out, and he took a sip of his tea before continuing. "Gojyo was very upset, as he was approached by the goddess Kanzeon Bosatsu and informed of the nature of his test. I had to keep him from doing anything foolish." Gojyo looked at Hakkai from the corner of his eye, silently thankful that he hadn't told them how cruel he'd been.

"What is the nature of his test?" Sanzo asked, his voice still flat. He was eyeing Gojyo more suspiciously now.

"Merely that he must carry a child that he conceived," Hakkai chirped. The silence in the room was palpable. Goku's jaw dropped, Sanzo stared at Gojyo with undeniable, teeth-grinding rage. The silence was broken as Goku burst into laughter and tears of mirth, rolling on the floor and clutching his ribs, and Sanzo finally spoke.

"Tell me this is a joke. Now."

"I could, but I would be lying, High Priest." Hakkai sighed after a gulp of hot tea. "But there is a _father_ involved. Gojyo, did the Goddess tell you who the father was? Or even how this child was conceived?"

"I don't know who the father is," Gojyo lied quietly. "And the… child," He practically spat the word, "Was conceived the same way almost every other living piece of filth in this realm was."

"Slut!" Goku, the exception to the rule, laughed and kicked his legs in the air. "And we'll probably never know who the dad is! Hey, Gojyo, how many men did you sleep with? Fifty? A hundred? Fifty-hundred-billion?"

"Shut up! That's not a number!" Gojyo snapped, ready to lunge across the table, but the rope tying him to Hakkai left him flat on his stomach on the tabletop.

"Now, now," Hakkai chided, yanking Gojyo to the floor. "Gojyo will tell us what we need to know when he's ready. For now, we must consider what's best for the child."

"You plan on having it?" Sanzo raised one twitching eyebrow, staring at Gojyo with utter disgust. Gojyo managed to sit up and lean over the table towards Sanzo.

"I don't plan on anything," Gojyo replied fiercely. "_Gonou_ won't let me get rid of it, and-" Hakkai's hand slammed the back of his head, bashing his face on the table.

"Did you say something, Gojyo?" Hakkai asked, saccharine-sweet as he let go of Gojyo's head. Goku had stopped laughing when Gojyo used Hakkai's former name, and the cigarette had dropped from Sanzo's lips.

"I said," Gojyo hissed, as he wiped his bleeding nose, "that you might be able to make me carry this parasite, but I don't care about this stupid test or it. I might just dump it in the river and be rid of it." With this, he focused his rage on Sanzo. His upper lip curled as Sanzo's face wrinkled into a hateful, black look.

"Fuck you," Sanzo snapped, and he pushed back from the table and walked out of the room, batting Gojyo in his broken nose with the fan as he passed. Hakkai sighed.

"Gojyo, I can't imagine how you're feeling, but you can't take it out on us. If we have told you once, we've told you many times, we are your friends and we will support you. Goku, don't you agree?" Goku thought a moment, as Hakkai healed Gojyo's face.

"Of course! It'll be like a little cousin or something," Goku chirped, cheering up. "I've never had brothers or sisters or cousins or knew anyone with a baby! Babies are cute though! Even if they do smell kinda funny."

"Yes, and when the baby gets older, you can have a playmate. Surely, you will love the baby's toys more than the baby!" As Hakkai worked Goku into a giggly, childish, baby-crazy frenzy, Gojyo found himself feeling very sorry for what he'd said to Hakkai…

But not at all for Sanzo.

________________________________________________________________________

End Notes: Bwahaha, I torment Gojyo!

Right, so, if you liked it, review. If you didn't like it, review. If you have a suggestion, review. If you want to kick my ass, review.

Review please! Next chapter next week!


	4. B st rd

**King Rat**

_Deep water, deep water_

Author's Notes: I'm glad that people are starting to pick up on this story. I want to know what you think, so please remember to leave a review whether you enjoyed the story or not!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. If you don't like it, hit the back button.

**4: Bastard**

The shakujo's chain whipped through the air as Gojyo sliced through three youkai in the pack that surrounded them and Hakuryu in the rocky gorge. He and Hakkai were back to back, as he'd been tied to Hakkai's left arm by his left arm for the past two months and he wasn't going anywhere if he wasn't going with Hakkai. Sanzo and Goku were standing on the other side of the Jeep, Goku with his nyoibo staff extended, Sanzo with his gun drawn and his sutra protected in his teeth. The demons stepped over the bodies of their fallen kin, cackling mercilessly. They stared at the party like they were pieces of meat, as one of the underlings edged closer, teeth bared, licking his lips with a vulgar kind of hunger.

"They're all so pretty. They're certainly a good-looking set of humans… except the fat one."

"Who ya callin' fat, you jerk?!" Gojyo roared, swinging his shakujo again and spraying the offending youkai's blood on the ground. He stepped forward, causing Hakkai to lean from his defensive stance, and sliced through another row of youkai in a blind rage. With one fourth of the pack laying in pieces on the ground, Gojyo stepped back towards Hakkai and wiped the blood spatter off his face. He did, in fact, have a small, round, firm bulge forming under his navel and stretching his middle, but Gojyo wasn't going to hear any of it. "Now, which one of you motherfuckers has something else to say about me?" Gojyo demanded, holding the staff forward in his hand. The frenzied youkai laughed, amused at the sight of the tall, slightly-chubby man fighting like an acrobat.

"Stop it!" Goku snapped, and he burst into action wiping out the demons nearest him. Hakkai rose a wall of his chi and pressed the demons back against the cliff face. "We're not your playthings!"

"We're only the gods' playthings," Hakkai added with his usual wide grin. "And you're ours." In a moment, the two true youkai wiped the ground with the corpses of their ex-compatriots, and Goku and Sanzo began to store their weapons. Gojyo handed the shakujo to Hakkai, as he'd had to for the past two months, and Hakkai yanked him along as he went to tuck it in the trunk. Hakkai then circled the Jeep and rubbed the hood. "Sorry about the delay, Hakuryu." The Jeep emitted an understanding chirp, and Hakkai started the engine. Gojyo grumbled, folding his arms as Hakkai prevented his boarding.

"Untie me, damn it," Gojyo demanded icily. "You have taken away my cigarettes- my lungs are starting to turn pink, asshole!- you won't let me drink, and I can't even fight well!" It was the same familiar rant Hakkai heard after every tussle they got into, and Hakkai simply sighed cheerfully and got into the car. Gojyo got into the seat directly behind him, wearing a scowl that could crumble Mount Fuji, with his hand yanked forward and Hakkai's hand pulled back.

"Cheer up, Gojyo. We killed all those jerks who called the baby fat!" Goku chirped, hopping in next to Gojyo and patting his rounded tummy lightly, like he was tapping a tight drum. Gojyo quickly lifted his knee into Goku's chin, and began to bite the fingernails on his right hand. Goku whined to Sanzo, but Sanzo lit a cigarette and ignored the monkey.

Hakkai was worried about what Gojyo would do if he did untie him and return his weapon. He often found the kappa trying to sneak drinks from Goku and Sanzo and begging smokes off of Sanzo if he did have to leave Gojyo's side for even a moment. Neither of them allowed him to get away with it, which was a small consolation. He also didn't want to risk Gojyo doing anything stupid when even Sanzo and Goku weren't there. Gojyo had made it exceedingly clear- he did not want the baby. Whenever Hakkai talked about Gojyo's pregnancy, Gojyo simply asked if he could get rid of it. Hakkai never gave him the satisfaction of an answer leading to an argument. Gojyo didn't tolerate Goku talking about the baby well either, especially since Goku was already calling the unborn child his 'little cousin.'

Of course, the only one who seemed to take it as badly as Gojyo was Sanzo. Hakkai could not, for the life of him, tell why, but Sanzo refused to speak to Gojyo unless it was absolutely necessary, and he took every opportunity offered to insult him. Hakkai had to imagine that Sanzo was still angry with him, too; the first day Gojyo was tied to Hakkai, it was right hand to left hand, so Gojyo could sit in the front seat next to Hakkai to make the ride easier. This would leave Sanzo in the back seat with Goku. This arrangement did not end well for the monkey, who found himself getting beaten like a pillow every fifteen minutes the entire day and left the monk enraged. Gojyo was moved back to the back seat, where he suffered Goku's adoration and fawning much of the day. He was not, unfortunately, able to whack the monkey, so he simply had to suffer it until Goku got close enough. Hakkai found that it was just as difficult sitting next to Sanzo, who was in a constantly sour mood even more than usual. He was recompensing for the lack of cigarette smoke from Gojyo and seemed to have doubled his intake. He snapped much easier, and sleeping arrangements had become nearly impossible. In fact, Sanzo would refuse to sleep in the same room with Gojyo even if there were four beds. This led to the same result every time:

"Fine, I'll sleep in the fucking hall!" And Hakkai found himself leaned against the door the entire night while Gojyo sulked in the hall, with the rope through the door.

As Goku began to whine to Sanzo about getting kicked, and Sanzo began to insult Goku and hit him with the fan, Hakkai could only remind himself, 'This, too, shall pass,' and drove on, despite the whining monkey, the sulking kappa, and the time bomb priest.

------------------------------

It was late before they reached another village, and at realizing Sanzo's identity, the entire town was driven into an excited frenzy. The party was showered with admiration, and the local tavern owners paid for their dinner. Sanzo elected to go among the people during the evening, flatly reciting old sermons that he'd picked up from other monks, simply so he would not have to spend time with Gojyo. Goku elected to go along, for the same reason, even if all he could do was interject with "Yay High Priest Sanzo!!" The inn offered them four rooms, but Hakkai gently corrected, saying they needed just three, and Gojyo could say nothing. Rather than sitting in the restaurant enjoying a hot evening sake, Hakkai elected instead to sit in their room on the bed back to back with Gojyo and read a book, leaving Gojyo to try and file his nails.

"Stupid… things… keep getting longer!" Gojyo snarled, glaring at the offending keratin as he ran the file along the edges of his fingers rapidly. "I could file for hours and never get them a millimeter shorter!" Hakkai, with one hand on the newspaper, glanced at Gojyo with a smile.

"Ah yes, I know many women complain of their fingernails and toenails growing faster when they are expecting." Gojyo gritted his teeth and glared at Hakkai as he mentioned his 'condition.' "Just saying, some of them like to have manicures and pedicures and be pampered rather than complain. After all your complaints, you should enjoy the opportunity for some fun." Hakkai went back to his book, and Gojyo hung his head.

He didn't like to be reminded of the baby, of his shame, of the emasculation sent from on high. He didn't like waking up with morning sickness because Hakkai hadn't been able to suppress it while he was sleeping, or feeling nauseous every time he opened his mouth, not to mention heartburn when he ate anything bitter. Feeling tired whenever he did anything more strenuous than chew gum was an utter _joy_, he thought to himself with sarcasm. Even worse, he felt desolately cold and lonely because he hadn't had sex in over three months, and hadn't slept well for the same period of time. The worst of all, however, came at that moment.

Gojyo leaned his face into his free palm as his anger withered into deep sadness, and he began to bite his lip to silence his sobs. He couldn't keep them back, and he hated it. Hakkai folded his book and turned to Gojyo, rubbing his back with his free hand.

"It's okay to cry. You've been holding it back so much, I know you have." Hakkai carefully untied the rope from his wrist, leaving Gojyo with both hands free to rub his eyes. "Tell me, tell me why you're crying."

"I'm not crying, I've just got something in my eye!" Gojyo whined, aggressively trying to hide his face. Hakkai kept rubbing his back and shoulders, and he knew he wasn't fooling him. "You don't know how it feels to be rejected, Hakkai. People loved you. My brother might have loved me, but he ran away from me in shame!"

"So why are you rejecting your own child?" Hakkai leaned over Gojyo's shoulder, resting his chin on his neck.

"That's just it; I want to protect it from rejection." Gojyo's eyes were wide and full of pain. "It's a freak accident, a mishap, a malicious divine intervention, and it'll probably be born with the same red hair and eyes as I have."

"We don't know that, Gojyo," Hakkai said softly. "I only know that the product of human and youkai entwines are born with those markers, and whatever entwine led to the child you carry must have been between a half-youkai and a human. I don't think I've ever heard of a quarter-youkai, and I'm excited to see what one looks like. I thought it was impossible." Hakkai folded his hands over the bulge in Gojyo's middle. Gojyo shivered, and jerked away from Hakkai's touch. Hakkai continued to smile and folded his hands in his lap. "Gojyo, are you angry at the child for existing? You know it's not his or her fault."

Gojyo had to think about this proposition. He knew only that he had just been angry with the gods for victimizing him. He forced himself to look at his vanishing abdominal muscles. He remembered the vision of Kanzeon Bosatsu, of the demon writhing in his belly, and realized it was no demon. Just a quarter-demon. It was a living creature, and Gojyo sulked as he realized that he had been an utter monster in his spite.

"I'm a rat, Hakkai. No. Worse. I'm a King of Rats. I should be wiped out like the other vermin crawling this plane, because I don't even have heart enough to care for this thing." He folded his arms over his chest. "Damn it all, even if my kid is taboo, I was too, and I needed someone to protect me." He folded his hands over his stomach, staring down very seriously. "You've got no brothers, kid. It's my duty to protect you."

"Gojyo…" Hakkai rested his hands on his shoulders. "I'll protect him too. The child's other father should be the one to do so, but unless you can figure out who it is, I will. You're stuck with me, you know." He laughed softly. "I suppose that until the child's born, it will be very hard to discern who fathered it. And even then… Surely, he might have some distinct facial features…" Hakkai trailed off, and Gojyo hung his head.

"I'm not a slut, really… I, uh, I didn't sleep with that many men, you know. Not many at all. I preferred women…" He winced, as he realized that the past tense on "prefer" was a slip of the tongue, and kept his wince when he realized it was true.

"I always thought you would be dominant in any sex you had," Hakkai giggled.

"You try to be nice to a guy, see what you get," Gojyo chuckled in response, digging his fingernails into his rounded flesh. Hakkai sighed contently.

"Let me cheer you up. I'll show you what happens when you're nice."

--------------------------

When Goku and Sanzo returned, Goku immediately went to check on Gojyo and Hakkai. He was surprised to see Gojyo with one hand in a bowl of water while Hakkai cheerfully filed the fingernails down on the other. Goku rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out in disgust, and followed Sanzo to his room. "Looks like Gojyo's not angry right now, but he and Hakkai are being all girly." Sanzo didn't respond, instead slamming the door behind him. Goku opened the door and hung behind Sanzo, who huffed irritably and whirled around on the naïve Monkey King.

"You have your own bedroom tonight. Go to it. Go bother Hakkai. Don't bother me." Sanzo put his hands on his hips, and Goku whined.

"You're so mean all the time! What is wrong with you?! Are you gonna act like this with our little cousin?" Sanzo clenched his fist at the mention of the "little cousin."

"Shut up. I don't want to hear about it. Get out."

"You're mad at Gojyo 'cause of the baby, aren't you?" Goku frowned, and Sanzo was surprised, deep down, that Goku had managed to get something right for once. "That's why you don't wanna be near him at all, huh?"

"I don't want to be near him because he disgusts me and he always has," Sanzo growled. "Shut up and get out or I'll kill you."

"No." Goku frowned at Sanzo. Sanzo quickly whacked Goku with his fan.

"Do what I say."

"You're mean!" Goku planted his hands on his hips. "How would you feel if the goddess decided to seat you with the test instead of Gojyo? You wouldn't want him thinking about how gross you are all the time!"

"Out!" With that, Sanzo threw the fan at Goku, sending the boy flying into the hallway with the momentum. Sanzo closed and locked the door behind him, grunting with exasperation and seating himself on the bed. He lit a cigarette and folded his arms.

He would never admit it, but he wanted Gojyo out of his head. He preferred to let the others think that he was entirely ignoring Gojyo, but in reality, he wanted to stop seeing him at all.

Goku rushed into Hakkai and Gojyo's room, and immediately whined, "Sanzo's even less priestly after he acts like a priest!"

"Don't even bother with the priest, idiot monkey," Gojyo chuckled softly. "He's just a prick." Hakkai giggled; Gojyo was acting like his old self, despite having filed and polished fingernails.

------------------------

Hakkai, Goku, and Gojyo stayed in the room together for a while, which turned into a game of mah-jongg (which Hakkai won) and then a game of War (which Hakkai won) and finally, a very long game of strip poker. Goku was down to his underwear, undershirt and diadem when Hakkai kicked him out, and Hakkai wore Gojyo's headband and boxers on his head as a sign of total victory. Gojyo was curled up on the bed, hiding his nakedness from Hakkai with his hands. "Okay, game over, you win again, can I have my clothes back?" Gojyo grumbled, bowing his head over his naked chest and staring at the orange-sized lump of his belly. He generally didn't mind being naked, but he didn't like having his weight gain apparent.

"No, I will hold onto the spoils of victory until tomorrow," Hakkai laughed, before removing Gojyo's underwear from his head and folding them under Hakuryu. Gojyo rolled his eyes and covered himself with the blanket. Hakkai stretched out on the floor, and put the headband over his eyes. Gojyo grumbled, and folded his hands behind his head.

He couldn't sleep alone, and he didn't want to sleep with Hakkai. He would have gone for a walk, but he didn't feel like getting arrested for public nudity/obscenity again. He simply sighed, and stared out the window. After a few minutes, he heard rapping on the window, and looked down at the street. "Jien," he murmured, shocked to see his brother standing in the street. He wrapped the blanket into a toga and crawled out the window onto the ledge under it. "Dokugaku, what are you doing here?" He leaned forward carefully, as Dokugakuji scaled the wall and sat beside him.

"Gojyo, I want you to come with me," Dokugaku whispered. "I know it's been a long time, but I'm concerned for you now. I want you to come with me, and you can be safe under my guard. Kougaiji's not willing to send assassins after you in your condition. No more fighting, no more nothing until the kid's born-"

"You mean you _know_?!" Gojyo hissed, sliding back from Dokugaku. Dokugakiji nodded.

"Yaone had to run your hair through a couple hundred tests before she got to pregnancy. She has no idea how the hell it happened; half-breeds are supposed to be sterile." Gojyo gritted his teeth when Dokugaku called him a half-breed. "But since you know too, then you must know you're at risk. Kougaiji's orders are reclaim the Sutras and kill you pilgrims if you get in his way. Besides that, Yaone told me there's something odd about your pregnancy and she wants to examine you closer-"

"Am I a damned experiment now?" Gojyo demanded, grabbing the ledge with shaking hands. He picked up a loose shingle and held it in the window, aiming it at Hakkai's head, ready to wake him. "You think I want to be examined and babied like some damned child? I grew up, Dokugaku, I can protect myself-"

"Gojyo, Yaone thinks there's something wrong. It's bad enough that you're not even supposed to be pregnant- you're a man, and you're not supposed to have a viable bloodline-" Gojyo punched Dokugakuji in the gut, causing the demon to grunt and edge back.

"I'm not. If something's up, I'll burn that bridge when I get to it. I like a good surprise." Gojyo's upper lip curled as he stared down his older half-brother. "I can protect my kid myself. I'm not going with you."

"You don't have a choice, Gojyo." Dokugakuji straightened up and grabbed onto Gojyo's arms, and rolled him off the ledge to the overhang. There was gunfire, and Dokugakuji let go of Gojyo, who found himself sliding to the edge. Dokugakuji slid off and to the ground, groaning as he checked himself for where the bullet hit. It looked like an intentional miss, but there was a burn where it had grazed him. As Gojyo began trying to scramble back up the roof, he looked at the smoking gun in Sanzo's hands, as the priest stood at his window.

"Get back inside before someone sees you," Sanzo growled. "It's bad enough that I could hear you." Gojyo scaled back up the roof to Sanzo's window ledge, desperately clutching the bed sheet around him as the priest started to close the window. Gojyo stopped him with one hand and crawled into Sanzo's room.

"What the hell are you doing up?" Gojyo straightened up, adjusting his toga, as Sanzo went to unlock his door. "Even more, why are you protecting me?"

"Get out," Sanzo ordered, opening the door and pointing Gojyo through it. Gojyo scowled bitterly at the priest, but left. As Gojyo passed him, Sanzo huffed quietly. "You really think I'm just going to let you and the bastard get hurt?" Before Gojyo could turn around, Sanzo slammed the door behind him. Gojyo simply stared at the door, before leaning and pressing himself against it. His nose was still sensitive, so could still smell Sanzo in the air even when he was gone. Earth, incense, yellowed paper, sunlight. Gojyo tried to feel Sanzo, imagining the warmth of the priest against his belly in his embrace. Those moments were richer in his memory. What had felt stiff and unwanted in the heat of the moment was turning to withheld, aching passion full of unspeakable desire in his mind. He felt a groan against his tongue, swallowed it and gasped softly. He finally forced himself from the door, and shuffled down the hallway with his heart throbbing.

In his mind, he pleaded with Sanzo to forgive him, even if he didn't know what he had to be sorry for.

**________________________________________________________________________**

**End Notes: Please to review. Reviews make me happy! If you have any suggestions or concerns, please let me know!**

**Next chapter should be up next week!**


	5. Want

**King Rat**

_Deep water, deep water_

Author Notes: Wow, I'm getting a very positive response from this story! I'm glad that you who read it are enjoying it. If you have any suggestions, feel free to let me know!

By the way, if you're a fan of One Piece, check out my other story, "Genuine Treasure." It's Luffy/Zoro m-preg, and it's almost finished.

Disclaimer: I still own nothing! I also apologize for excessive use of the F-bomb later in the chapter.

5: Want

Suggested Track: "Use Somebody," Kings of Leon; "Don't Trust Me," 3OH!3

Silence could be painful, which was why Gojyo always talked. He and Goku played cards and games, right down to "I Spy," until they got bored out of their minds and began to argue over nothing, eventually roughhousing. Goku tried not to hit Gojyo in the stomach, but instead would give him noogies and yank his ears. It would eventually result in Sanzo whipping around and batting the two of them atop the head with his fan. However, after Sanzo saved him late in the night, Gojyo began to sit quietly in the back seat, hands folded in his lap, staring at the backs of Hakkai and Sanzo's heads and daydreaming. Goku tried to spur him into playing games, but Gojyo was resistant. Hakkai noticed that Gojyo was acting like he had before learning of his condition, and suspected further pregnancy symptoms.

As the baby grew, Gojyo grew with it, and he started to quietly complain of back pain. If Gojyo was mentioning it, Hakkai knew it had to be much worse than he let on. Even his chi influence wouldn't be able to suppress all of it, and he could only help when Gojyo asked for it. Gojyo's nausea faded away, though his aversion to most foods remained, and he began to have desperate cravings. Hakkai only realized the extent of these after a night camping in the desert in the middle of Gojyo's fourth month:

Gojyo was sitting away from the fire as Hakkai prepared dinner for the party. He had his mouth and nose covered as per usual, because the smell of cooking meat and black pepper gave him a headache. Goku noticed, however, that Gojyo was making soft gagging, sobbing noises even where he sat. Goku took his kebab in hand, pulling meat off the stake with his mouth and toddling over to him.

"Hoi, Gojyo, you and little cousin hungry?" He held his stake out to Gojyo, letting him smell the dripping meat. Gojyo pinched his nose.

"Idiot monkey, you're gonna make me sick! I don't want that!"

"Don't call me an idiot monkey! Anyway, you can't have it, it's mine!" Goku said, bouncing away from Gojyo. "Come over here and have some!"

"I don't want it! I don't want to eat anything at all!" With this, Sanzo pulled out his paper fan, strode over to Gojyo and smacked him on the back of the head with his fan.

"You'll die if you don't eat, idiot. If you want to die, then go find a demon and get killed, but you're not going to do it like this," Sanzo growled, and Gojyo stood up to face him.

"The smell of that meat makes me feel sick. I don't want to eat because I can't stand the smell of food. All I want is a cigarette and a beer."

"What do you want to eat?" Sanzo demanded firmly, putting his face close to Gojyo's.

"Gojyo, is there anything I can make for you?" Hakkai asked, leaning over the fire to see him better, as he and Sanzo locked icy eyes.

"Yeah. Kimchi or pickles," Gojyo responded sharply to Hakkai, still focusing on Sanzo. Sanzo raised an eyebrow, his eye twitching.

"You want kimchi or pickles?"

"Yes. That's what I want," Goyjo snarled. "You want me to eat? Get me a pickle, asshole!"

"I would, but I wouldn't know which hole to stick it in!" Sanzo snapped back. Gojyo gritted his teeth, hands twitching, before Hakkai rushed over to intervene. He stepped between the pair, as Sanzo lit a new cigarette. Gojyo tried to push past Hakkai to get at Sanzo.

"Let me strangle the stupid bastard! I'll beat him to a pulp!"

"Now, now," Hakkai could only laugh at the time.

Hakkai was glad that with pickled cabbage available in their cooler, Gojyo was eating, and it was apparent, because he was starting to grow. Soon, his folded hands covered a considerable bump, with his belt loosened and his shirt stretched. He would glare whenever Goku poked it and teased, but as he withdrew again, he didn't react. He obviously didn't like his new, more pear-like shape, and Hakkai could tell just from the look on his face when he folded his hands over his growing middle.

Gojyo knew Hakkai was watching him, but he didn't care. He was giving him more independence (thankfully) and he was able to secretly smoke a cigarette once in a while without Hakkai stopping him. He didn't drink because Goku would stop him if he even tried to order a beer, and the one vice he could still get away with, gambling, was no longer fun. Women might have surrounded him, mussing his hair and flirting, but he felt nothing from their admiration, and he didn't want them to look at him under the table where his belly bulged. He had stopped carrying condoms in his back pocket. He didn't even feel good when a woman whispered her dirty thoughts in his ear. He didn't want them anymore.

What he wanted sat in the front seat of the Jeep, reading a newspaper or sleeping, with his golden hair glimmering in the sunlight.

Gojyo wanted Sanzo. He didn't know why, but he wanted to be pushed down and degraded by the monk just so he could have someone touch his body and make him feel worthy of attention for just a moment. He behaved as well as he could so he could invoke the contract, but since he knew Sanzo now loathed his very existence, he didn't want to rush anything. He didn't fight with Goku, he resisted his urges to have fun, he didn't speak, no matter how much he wanted to. Finally, on a day twenty weeks from when Gojyo first learned he was expecting, Sanzo turned back towards the kappa with a cold look in his eyes.

"You're acting like a decent man," Sanzo remarked icily. "For once, you're not pissing me off." Gojyo nodded and turned his head so he wouldn't look the priest in the eyes, but his heart was dancing in his chest.

Gojyo behaved through the entire day and dinner. He didn't even complain when Hakkai served him chicken, even if just the sight of the meat made bile jump into his throat. He even managed to eat it and hide his gagging. After dinner, while Hakkai and Sanzo enjoyed beers and Goku tried to annoy him, Gojyo simply folded his arms and stared at the wall, his legs shaking in anxiety. As it was a fairly busy trade city, the lodge that evening had two rooms available, and each room had just one large bed. As midnight approached, Hakkai declared it was time to decide sleeping arrangements. The foursome sat around one table, and for a moment, all Gojyo could hear was the tapping of the shuffling cards against the table and blood rushing through his veins.

"Okay, winner of this round gets the first bed," Hakkai chirped, as he dealt five cards to each of them. Goku picked his up for the first peek.

"Aww, only two tens?!"

"Three nines," Sanzo muttered.

"Fuck all." Gojyo tossed his worthless hand back to the center of the table.

"Four aces. Lucky me!" Hakkai laughed. Goku and Gojyo grunted and rolled their eyes, as the merry mass murderer shuffled and dealt again, leaving himself out. "Next bed to the winner of this round." Goku picked up his hand first again, before groaning.

"Two sixes! Bullshit!"

"Two queens," Sanzo said, a hint of a victorious smirk crossing his visage.

"Fuck all," Goyjo sighed, throwing his cards back into the pile.

"Oi, Gojyo, winner of this round gets to sleep on the floor with Hakkai," Goku suggested brightly. "You'll definitely get something this round!" Hakkai chuckled, as Gojyo and Goku stared one another down, Goku smirking, Gojyo somber. Hakkai dealt ten cards, and each man stared at the facedown hand. Goku picked up his hand, and squinted with disappointment.

"Ohh, three eights. Gojyo, what do you have?"

Gojyo stared at his hand of four kings and an ace. He looked between Hakkai, Goku, and Sanzo, and finally sighed. "Fuck all." He tossed the cards back in the pile, and quickly began to shuffle the deck again.

"Sanzo, will you be kind to Gojyo for tonight?" Hakkai asked quietly, as Gojyo passed the deck back to him. Sanzo sneered a bit, and turned away.

"Only if he behaves himself." He ascended the stairs, newspaper under his arm, and Gojyo hung his head a bit.

"I'm sorry I've been so much trouble." He felt so terribly shamed at Sanzo's words.

"Cheer up!" Goku patted his back. "Your luck will improve soon. You can't mope just because things are hard, because things get better! Just think about how little cousin would want you to feel." Goku slumped himself over Gojyo, squeezing his bulging tummy with happy hands. Gojyo gritted his teeth, his eye twitching, but resisted the urge to peel the handsy monkey off of him. Hakkai simply laughed, as Goku wrapped himself around Gojyo like an octopus, until Goyjo was finally forced to smile. Hakkai imagined he was warming up to Goku's touch, but he couldn't be sure.

* * *

Gojyo stared at the door to his and Sanzo's room, and sighed softly. He knocked twice and got no response. He stepped back from the door, shuffled his feet, and waited about thirty seconds. He knocked again, once, and waited. No response. Gojyo sighed, and turned the handle. It was unlocked, and he entered. Sanzo was seated on the bed, smoking a cigarette and reading his newspaper as was his usual. Sanzo glanced up for a moment, and continued to read. Gojyo went to the washroom and washed his face, knowing he would get no greeting; what little acknowledgement he got was enough. He stared at himself in the mirror, before taking his vest and pants off. He looked at his frame, his round middle, and cupped the swell in his hands. He leaned against the mirror, sighing softly and wishing it would just go away, if only so that things could be the same between him and Sanzo again. He didn't even understand why he longed for Sanzo. It was obvious Sanzo didn't have even an ounce of interest in him, and Gojyo wasn't sure what was more painful: hatred or indifference.

"You." Gojyo glanced to the washroom door, where Sanzo stood, glasses off and paper in hand. "You threw the card game." Gojyo chuckled sharply.

"I did not. You look at my cards, cheater?"

"I can tell when you're lying," Sanzo grumbled, and Gojyo turned to face the priest, resting his hands on his hips.

"Can you really?" He drawled, and smirked and leaned towards the priest, just daring him to throw an insult. "What's my tell?" Sanzo rolled his eyes.

"You open your mouth. I know you've been trying hard to behave. You want sex, you sick pig?" Sanzo's tongue might as well have been dripping venom. "No doubt you've been getting it a thousand other places. Being knocked up hasn't slowed you down at all…"

"I haven't had sex in more than five months," Gojyo interrupted, tilting his head back and looking away. "Last time was with you." He paused, and smirked for a moment. "Of course, you're not going to believe me, because my mouth is moving." He picked his clothes up and laid them on the floor, trying to hide his misery with a smile. "Truth be told, I don't even want sex."

"Then what do you want from me?" Sanzo folded his arms, and Gojyo hung his head, hesitant. Sanzo grabbed him by the front of his shirt and slapped him in the face. "Talk! I know you want something from me, that's why you're acting like a goddamn statue. Talk!"

"How often do you tell me to shut up, Sanzo?" Gojyo chuckled softly, feeling alive briefly as his cheek stung. Sanzo narrowed his eyes and swung his hand back again, but Gojyo held up one hand. "I just want you to hold me. Just for a little while. Just for a minute. You ever held someone before? I did it once. It's nice. It's kind of like sex, but without orgasms or penetration, so I thought it'd fall under the contract."

"Fucking contract," Sanzo grumbled. "I regret that piece of paper every day. What you propose is more disgusting to me than sex." Gojyo hung his head.

"Fine, I'll just go to sleep. Can I have a pillow for the floor, or should I just fold my clothes into one?"

"Shut up and lay on the bed. You look like you'll cry if I refuse you, and that's even worse." Gojyo's face brightened into a smile. He wanted to hug Sanzo, but that would be pushing it. He crawled onto the bed and covered himself with the sheet, as Sanzo removed his sandals and robe. He gently folded the sutra into a neat square, tucked it into the sleeve of his robe, and removed his belt. Sanzo lay himself on top of the sheet and edged close to Gojyo, on their sides face to face. Gojyo got as close to Sanzo as he could without touching his face, and wrapped his arms around the priest's thin chest. Sanzo seemed to recoil when Gojyo pulled him to his chest, his body pressed against the curve of Gojyo's stomach, but he didn't pull away. Gojyo felt warm inside, rocking Sanzo against him, and he sighed contently. He gently stroked the smooth skin of Sanzo's back, silently wishing Sanzo would move just to prove he was alive. All he had was a pulse and the feeling of his breath. Soon, it was enough. Their hearts beat slowly, in sync with one another, and Gojyo imagined for a moment in the stillness that he was one with the priest in some form. After a minute, Gojyo started to unwrap himself from Sanzo, but froze when Sanzo grabbed his arm. "Don't move," he muttered, and Gojyo realized his other hand was on his middle. "That _thing_ is moving."

"Oh, yeah, it does that sometimes. I can't help it." Gojyo tried to pull away again, but Sanzo wrapped one arm around the small of Gojyo's back. "O-oi…"

"Shut up." Sanzo glared into Gojyo's eyes. Gojyo stayed silent, blinking in confusion at Sanzo's unreadable gaze. "How many people did you sleep with?"

"You're going to need to be specific about a time period. I don't think I've got a count for the whole last twenty-two years." Gojyo chuckled softly, but Sanzo grabbed a tendril of his hair and yanked it just enough to keep his attention.

"Fine. Specific? Between when you signed our contract and when you got knocked up. How many women did you fuck?"

Gojyo didn't even need to think. "None." Sanzo scoffed.

"How many men?"

"One." Gojyo smiled sadly, as Sanzo finally released him. "Am I lying, Sanzo? Do you think I'm lying? I'm not. You're the only one-"

"Before you fucked me. Before. How many people did you sleep with in the month before that?" Sanzo demanded, still staring into Gojyo's eyes.

"Nobody. I had nothing, Sanzo. I had to bleed my own damned poison every night since we started this damned mission and before that. By my count, that's a really fucking long time. More than nine months ago. If I got this thing stuck in me before then, then I have no idea when it's going to be born." Gojyo sat up and got out of bed. Sanzo sat up as well, his hands clenched into fists.

"Are you telling me I'm the fucking fath-"

"You're nothing you don't want to be, High Priest Genjo Sanzo." Gojyo didn't even try to hide the tears streaking his cheeks as he pulled his pants up. He grunted as he tried to button them, and failed to make the waistband meet. Sanzo jumped from bed and grabbed Gojyo's shoulders.

"Don't talk to me like that!" Sanzo barked as he throttled the man in his grip. Gojyo wasn't surprised at his rage, it made him laugh against his own foolish tears. Sanzo dropped his voice considerably, but even soft, it was dangerous. "I fathered that thing?!"

"It doesn't matter, does it?" Gojyo kept his voice low. "You don't care about it, and I'm bound by our contract not to tell anyone I ever did anything with you. I just wanted a minute of warmth, Sanzo. It's all I wanted from you. I'll never ask you for anything again." Gojyo pushed Sanzo's hands off of him and turned around. Sanzo stood still, his hands shaking, as Gojyo pushed the door open. He turned back to Sanzo for a moment. "I'll leave you alone now. Don't wait up for me. I'll sleep in the hall." Sanzo stayed standing in place, fists clenched, scowling at the door as Gojyo closed it. Gojyo leaned against the door for a moment, and slid a cigarette he'd nicked from Sanzo's robe out of his pocket into his mouth. He felt the bang behind him as Sanzo punched the door, and couldn't help but chuckle as Sanzo swore something indiscernible about his mother. He lit the cigarette, shoved one hand in his pocket, and strolled down the hallway to the stairwell, relaxing in the scent of the smoke.

Gojyo emerged to the street, holding his pants up around his wide waistline, and began to make his way down the empty streets. He felt the last bit of warmth from Sanzo fade off of his chest, and was cold again. He let the cigarette dangle off his lower lip as he wandered down the dark streets, passing like a shadow between lamp lights, and rested his free hand on his throbbing middle. The baby was moving, and it was very active. He was always surprised when the baby awoke, still not used to the idea of another life within him, and confused at its apparent free will. It rarely was active, and from the way it felt to him, it was very cramped even in his round belly. His legs tired quickly, strained from the extra weight, and he leaned against a wall and folded his hands atop his belly. The baby had finally stopped, and Gojyo sighed to himself.

"Stupid little bastard. If you hadn't started up, I could have been happy just a little longer." He ran his finger down one of the stretch marks that had formed, his finger tracing the groove. "The goddess must loathe me, or I must be dead. I feel like I'm in hell already."

"Gojyo," a soft female voice spoke, and Gojyo looked up to see a familiar threesome before him. Dokugakuji, Yaone, and Kougaiji were before him, all staring at him. Yaone stepped towards him. "Come with us."

Gojyo stared at the trio. Yaone looked like her pockets were full of tricks and traps, Dokugakuji's sword was slung across his shoulder, and Kougaiji didn't need a weapon at all. Gojyo was alone, unarmed, pregnant, and tired. He simply chuckled, and edged along the wall, eyes darting to find an escape. There was none. "Why do you want me? I've got nothing you want. All I can offer you is my undying love and a couple dirty stories, and maybe not even the former." He grinned nervously. "You know I'm only with Sanzo's pilgrims because I'm Hakkai's handler, he's the real danger…"

"We don't care about that," Kougaiji murmured, stepping towards the kappa and stretching one arm to block his path. His face was close to Gojyo's, like Sanzo's had been. "You're my friend's little brother. We're not going to see you or his niece or nephew get hurt because of the assassins working their way towards you. It wouldn't at all be fair."

"Get away from me." Gojyo pushed himself as flat against the wall as he could. "I don't want to be helped or protected. I don't need pity from my enemies!"

"It would be no fun to fight you if you're at a disadvantage. You're coming with us." As Kougaiji spoke, Dokugaku slid around to Gojyo's other side, and the pair quickly lifted the wiry pregnant man off his feet. Gojyo struggled to get loose, yelling for help, as Yaone pulled out a length of rope and quickly tied Gojyo's wrists and ankles together. Dokugakuji slung Gojyo over his shoulder. Gojyo grunted as his brother's shoulder pressed against his swollen middle.

"We'll make you comfortable, Gojyo. I'll stay with you as much as I can to keep you company, and we'll take care of the kid." Dokugakuji shifted Gojyo's weight against his chest, and walked him down the street towards their long-distance dragons. "Don't you worry about anything anymore." Gojyo looked over his shoulder.

"Damn it all, if you ever gave a shit about anything, you'd help me now!" He screamed, not even knowing who he was screaming for, and tried to thrash against Dokugakuji, but his brother was strong. Dokugakuji sighed heavily.

"Miss Yaone, can we chloroform him, or do you have a gag?"

"A gag will suffice, I think," Yaone replied, glancing at the brothers in worry. "I would make him unconscious, but it would probably harm the child." Yaone let Dokugakuji pass her, and he stopped, allowing Yaone to tie a rag around his mouth. Gojyo tried to bite through it, but it was no use. He whined and moaned, thrashing around, but he was trapped. He watched the city fade behind them, as Dokugakuji set him on one of the dragons, mounted, and flew off. He felt himself go lightheaded, and he passed out as they ascended past the rooftops.

Hakkai and Goku waited anxiously for Sanzo and Gojyo in the morning; Goku was anxious because he wanted to eat and couldn't until everyone was there, and Hakkai was anxious because he didn't know how the night had gone between the warring parties. Sanzo entered and joined the other two, and glanced between them.

"Don't stare at me like that. Where's the lecher?"

"If you mean Gojyo, then we should ask you the same question," Hakkai said, rising from the table. Sanzo lifted the morning paper.

"How should I know? I'm not his keeper."

"He slept in your room last night," Hakkai pointed out. "You know he's been volatile, Sanzo." Sanzo scoffed softly.

"He's an adult, he doesn't need a babysitter. He left. Said he was going out and that he'd sleep in the hall." Hakkai immediately jumped up from the table.

"Goku, come on. Gojyo's done something stupid."

"Yaaay! It wasn't me this time!" Goku quickly wolfed down a bowl of rice, as Sanzo folded his newspaper over. His eyes widened with some horror, and he rested his hand on his forehead in thought. Hakkai folded his arms as he waited for Goku to finish.

"Sanzo, do you have something to say?" Hakkai's eyes were fierce, and Sanzo couldn't help but be slightly intimidated. He looked away from Hakkai before he spoke.

"Kougaiji's man, Dokugakuji, tried to take him away before, offered him 'help.' Gojyo may have agreed to go with him if asked again."

"Gojyo would never accept help from an enemy, even if he needed it," Goku pointed out. "He's too hardheaded."

"Then he could have been taken against his will. He could have been taken before… if I hadn't intervened…" Sanzo's eyes were distant, and Hakkai's eyes widened, jaw slack in panic.

"We're going to look for him. Now!" Hakkai grabbed Goku by the back of his cape and pulled him out the door, and Sanzo dragged his feet, his head hung.

Hakkai couldn't read Sanzo's emotions very often, but he could see the regret in his posture. Sanzo was blaming himself.

**

* * *

**

**End Notes: Leave a review if you read. I'd love to hear your thoughts and feedback!**

**Expect more next week!**


	6. Three and Three

**King Rat**

_Deep water, deep water_

Author's Notes: I'm glad so many people liked the last chapter! I like to take some time on occasion and respond to my reviewers.

Melody123: I like torturing my characters. It makes me giggle. I can make no promises for Gojyo, but I certainly will see what I can do. Also, thank you for your kind words. I do my best between student teaching and… more student teaching.

Kasia-chan: Sanzo probably knew there was a possibility, but he had his doubts because Gojyo is such a horny, horny bastard.

To everyone who said they normally don't read m-preg: I appreciate that you're still giving this story a chance. I just hope you enjoy the emotional factors that m-preg brings to a situation.

Onward!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, but I do have some cute plushies.

**6: Three and Three**

Suggested Track: "Under Pressure," Queen

The fourth seat in the Jeep had been empty for over five weeks. Goku was angry and pouted often, Sanzo was sullen, and Hakkai's smile remained on his face only out of habit and a constant, optimistic, "We'll find him."

They had searched the city he'd vanished from for three days, asking everyone they met if they'd seen Gojyo. Hakkai used his chi to try and trace Gojyo's steps, but his energy was washed over like footprints in the sand by the time they'd gotten to searching. They went to every bar, roadhouse, and house of ill repute, describing him and asking if he'd been seen, but always received the same answer: "Never." It was as though Gojyo was just in the wind, and they knew that Gojyo had either been taken away or had simply abandoned them. Until they asked him, they wouldn't know which one it was.

They say that knowing is half the battle, but Sanzo only knew three things at the time. He knew that Goku was angry that Gojyo was gone. He also knew that Hakkai wept silently whenever he thought Sanzo and Goku couldn't see or hear him. Last, he knew that he should have insisted on going with Gojyo, because he was the one who knew that he wasn't safe. He had protected him before, but he hadn't now. He knew that, but nothing else. He didn't even know why he wanted to protect Gojyo; Gojyo was a perverted idiot who was carrying _someone's_ child, and he had gotten himself into this mess.

Despite what he insisted to himself, Sanzo knew that it was his fault, and he found himself unable to do anything. Therefore, that was what he did: nothing.

* * *

Gojyo spent five weeks curled up in a little ball in a stone cell, curled up in pain. Without Hakkai's chi influencing his hormones, he was sick often, and too weak to even think most of the time. Pain rattled him as his body stretched unnaturally, and whenever the baby moved, he felt a jolt of pain. It was as though his muscles were resisting any more growth, even as they were forced to shift and stretch and accommodate a growing child. He also realized that with his hormones running rampant, he had violent mood swings that reduced him to three moods: angry, depressed, and mocking. He hated what he faced. Every morning, he stared at his face reflected in the basin water, at the dark circles under his eyes, his dirty, overgrown hair, his hollow cheeks, and he recognized himself less and less.

Dokugakuji came in at least three times a day with meals for him, and sometimes in between with snacks, but Gojyo had trouble forcing himself to choke it down. He knew that he wouldn't leave until his plate was empty, and Doku would sit by the bars and chat with him as he ate. Dokugakuji knew that most of what Gojyo ate came back up within about ten minutes, so he had to get down whatever he could. Yaone came to him with medicine:

"Gojyo, this will help your nausea."

"I don't need your help," he'd spat, scowling, and Yaone had looked down shyly, hiding an insulted look. She still offered him the medicine every day, along with others to help with his back pain, his swollen ankles, his fatigue, his headaches, and everything that reminded him of his sins.

He didn't accept any medicine, and didn't want to let anyone come near him. Despite his frequent illness, the baby continued to grow unimpeded: his pants no longer zipped, with the elastic waistband of his boxers rolling under the strain, and his shirt was starting to ride higher on his waistline, leaving round, tender pink flesh visible. Gojyo covered his exposed flesh with his hands whenever he had visitors. Dokugakuji was there most often, and Yaone would come with him half of the time. Kougaiji visited perhaps once a week, and Gojyo would summon the strength to stand at the bars and catcall while he spoke with Yaone and Dokugakuji.

"Oi, Lord Kougaiji, your hair and eyes are redder than mine! Your mother must have been some kind of whore, or your father lied to you! How much blood did your mother bathe in to make you think she was a demon?" Kougaiji gritted his teeth and would have to be restrained by Dokugakuji, and Gojyo would just laugh at him. It was the only fun he had.

Dokugakuji stood in front of the bars during this visit from Kougaiji, ready to silence Gojyo himself when he started. Gojyo was more interesting in eavesdropping this time, because he heard Kougaiji say something he wanted to hear: "Sanzo and his pilgrims have been seen in the area, so we have to keep an eye out for them."

"Hey, listen," Gojyo started, but Dokugakuji grabbed his jaw.

"Are you going to insult Lord Kougaiji?" Dokugaku demanded, and Gojyo quickly shook his head, making unpleasant gagging noises. He let go of Gojyo's mouth, who grunted with disgust.

"Thanks for making me choke on my tongue, ass. Now, as much as I enjoy being your damn captive, in this lovely windowless room with this hard bed and no privacy, I'd really prefer to be back with my friends. You know at least one of them is worried about me." Gojyo chuckled. When he was alone, he daydreamed about how his party missed him. Of course, Hakkai was the only one who really worried, while Goku would just whine about how bored he was, and Sanzo was beating the monkey even more than before. "So, as much as I appreciate your hospitality-"

"Gojyo, you're here for your own good." Dokugakuji folded his arms. "If you ever listened to what you and your friends said, you'd know why. How many times have we been told that each of you only fights for himself? You don't care about the world. You don't even care that your brethren are falling all around you. What is there to convince me that my nephew will be taken care of at all?" Gojyo shivered as Dokugakuji stared him down, but he knew his brother was right.

"I didn't want it, but I'm not going to let you take it away," Gojyo muttered. "This kid is part of me, too."

"This is all beside the point. It's vital that we direct them around this place. It's not directly in their path, but they may be attracted to it anyway. Let's discuss this away from him." Kougaiji waved Yaone and Dokugakuji away, and they followed their lord to another room where Gojyo couldn't hear them. Gojyo gripped the bars of his cell and pulled on them futilely, and hung his head. He wished that someone could hear his heart screaming out.

* * *

The plain was wide and empty, dead and dry for the season. The ground cracked as the Jeep's wheels traversed it, causing Hakuryu to whine in complaint, but Hakkai simply patted the wheel. "It's solid, don't worry," he reassured the Jeep, and pressed forward. Goku tilted his head back and sighed. He had been surprisingly withdrawn since they'd entered the plain, so Hakkai's ears perked at his exaggerated displeasure.

"Not a single cloud anywhere. What I wouldn't give for some shade!" Sanzo, who had been moping as much (if not more than) usual, reached back and hit Goku atop the head, and he groaned, defending himself weakly with his arms. "Come on, it's too hot and I'm too hungry to get hit!"

"No such thing!" Sanzo reached back to whack him again, but a shadow suddenly passed over the Jeep. Hakkai stopped and looked up; it couldn't have been a cloud. Instead, what looked like a very large bird seemed to be circling them. It was too large to be a bird. It was not a bird. Sanzo pulled his gun and pointed it at the circling creature, aiming for its wing. He fired three shots, and the creature shrieked and rolled towards the ground. It became apparent that the creature was a slightly larger cousin of Hakuryu, and it had a familiar rider on its back The dragon landed on its belly, groaning in pain. Hakkai screeched to a halt and leapt from the car, un/intentionally kicking Sanzo in the leg as he jumped over him and went to the unfortunate injured dragon. Sanzo swore quietly to himself, but turned to look as Lirin rolled off the dragon's back, and whined.

"You shot my dragon! Man! Big brother's gonna get mad at me again!" She began to stomp her feet angrily.

"It's okay, little Lirin. I'll make him all better." Hakkai knelt over the screeching creature, healing the rips in the film of its wings. Lirin simpered happily, and turned to Sanzo and Goku.

"Yay! It's Baldy and the monkey! I haven't seen you in so long! Lirin missed you so!" She rushed over and embraced Sanzo, but Sanzo quickly pushed her off.

"Don't touch me," he grunted.

"Miss Lirin, whatever brought you here?" Hakkai asked, smiling at her over his shoulder.

"Oh! Big brother and his friends are hanging around here. They don't want Lirin to hang around with them, so they told Lirin to get out." Lirin folded her arms and pouted. "Lirin knows that they're worried about Mister Pervert, but Lirin's not going to do anything to hurt him!"

Hakkai and Sanzo froze up inside. The little red flags and flashing alert lights might as well have sprung up all around the little youkai, but with a glance at one another, they tacitly agreed to approach this tactically.

"Mister Pervert? Is this another of your brother's friends?" Hakkai maintained a smile as Sanzo lit another cigarette.

"No, silly, one of yours! With the red hair!" Lirin giggled. "Yeah, big brother and his friends want to make him our friend, though. He says that Mister Pervert's going to stay with us for a very long time. That's why he told Lirin to fly her dragon, so she could look for you and be sure you don't come looking. He doesn't want you to interrupt their party." Lirin smiled stupidly, as Hakkai finished healing the dragon.

"All done, but your little friend may need a rest." Hakkai smiled warmly at the girl. "Now, do tell me, what exactly did your brother and his friends say about our red-haired friend?"

"Okay!" Lirin grinned, and whipped out a trio of hand puppets made to match Kougaiji, Yaone, and Dokugakuji. She held up the Kougaiji hand puppet, and mimicked his deeper voice. "You do know that this is only being condoned because we will research this strange child, don't you?"

She put the Dokugakuji puppet on her other hand. "I do, because I know that it should be an utter impossibility. Either way, it's my job to protect him, and as long as the kid's not hurt, whatever research Jianyi wants to do is over my head."

She put the Yaone puppet on her foot, and made her voice much higher. "Lord Kougaiji, I think you should know, I examined him closer, and I discovered something very, very important!"

She spoke in Kougaiji's voice. "Wait, Lirin's eavesdropping. We can't have her go blabbing everything, because you know that's exactly what she'll do."

Lirin then spoke in her natural voice. "Oh, come on, big brother, tell Lirin the big secret about the red-haired man, please?!" As Lirin continued to reenact her conversation with Kougaiji, Hakkai beckoned the other two over to him.

"Sanzo, Goku, do come have a look at this marvelous creature, so perhaps you will be less inclined to harm them in the future," Hakkai called nonchalantly. Sanzo and Goku approached. Goku was confused, and Sanzo's face was serious. Hakkai barely bothered to drop his voice. "It seems that we have a unique opportunity. Let's think. Who is Lirin?"

"An annoying girl," Goku mumbled, glaring at her over his shoulder. The Kougaiji puppet was beating her atop the head. Sanzo rolled his eyes.

"Kougaiji's younger sister."

"Point for Sanzo." Hakkai clapped briefly. "Now, who is Dokugakuji?"

"The big dumb-looking guy."

"Gojyo's older brother."

"Another point for Sanzo." Hakkai scratched the dragon's head absentmindedly. "Now, what do big brothers do for their little siblings?"

"A lot," Goku answered quickly, smiling proudly.

"Kougaiji tends to rescue Lirin."

"Both are valid answers!" Hakkai smiled wider. "Now, who do you think their leader Kougaiji cares about more: Gojyo, or Lirin? Or, rephrased: if we offered one for the other, who would Kougaiji consider more valuable?" Goku and Sanzo looked at one another, and Goku dashed for the trunk to pull out a length of rope. Sanzo and Hakkai turned to Lirin, their faces- Hakkai's smile and Sanzo's scowl- eerie to the very, very confused immature girl.

"Miss Lirin, I think that while your dragon recovers, we shall give you a ride home." Hakkai offered sweetly. "Why don't we all get into the Jeep and take a nice ride?"

"Ooh, I can ride in your Jeep?" Lirin's eyes brightened, and any suspicions she had were immediately forgotten. "Yay!" She bounced over to Hakuryu and hopped into the back seat next to Goku. Sanzo followed, and Goku passed him the rope. Sanzo leaned over and fastened her seatbelt, and then began to tie her to the seat as securely as possible. "What is this for?"

"It's to keep you safe during the ride," Sanzo muttered, and he got into the front seat. Lirin took Sanzo at his word and smiled. Hakkai nudged the dragon to its feet.

"Off you go, go home!" Hakkai chirped, and the dragon cooed a bit, before spreading its wings and flying off. Hakkai climbed into the driver's seat. "Now, Miss Lirin, you will have to point us to where your brother is."

"Okay, Lirin knows where to go!" She pointed at the dragon in the sky, and Hakkai nodded, before putting the Jeep in gear and roaring across the dry plains after it. Sanzo turned behind him to look at Lirin again.

"Now, Lirin, I know you don't get to have fun very often, so when we get to your brother, you and I are going to play a fun little game with him…"

* * *

Yaone knelt by Gojyo's cell, watching in pity as he vomited into a bucket. "Gojyo, I promise this medicine will not harm you. I beg you, take it!" She offered him the small flask again, and Gojyo shook his head.

"I don't want your damned poison," Gojyo heaved, clutching his stomach in pain. "I will not be dependent on you!"

"Gojyo, please, don't be a fool! You- oh, I can't stand this!" She covered her eyes. "I need to tell you what I discovered. I noticed something off about your pregnancy, and I looked into it. Gojyo, I found something you need to know-" At this, Gojyo clamped his hands over his ears and began to sing softly to himself. He didn't want to hear it. Yaone sighed. "Gojyo, this is very important!"

"These are the days it never rains but it pours…"

"Gojyo, it's about your health- take your hands off of your ears-"

"Keep coming up with love but it's so slashed and torn…"

"Listen to me, you stubborn man!"

"Insanity laughs, under pressure, we're cracking…"

"Gojyo!!" Yaone's voice cracked, and Gojyo removed his hands from his ears to hear himself blow a raspberry. Yaone sniffled softly and rubbed her eyes. "Oh, why do I even bother… I don't even know why I bother to care about you at all!"

"You're such a pretty woman, but you're going to ruin your complexion like that. You shouldn't bother to care about me. Nobody else does." Gojyo winked at her, forcing a weak grin, and Yaone seemed to wilt like a dehydrated flower.

"Do you care about yourself? About your child?"

"My child is the world to me, lady. This is probably the only chance I'll ever have to be a father. My brother says I'm as sterile as a mule. I'm only going to have this one because it's a gift from the goddess, and not even a gift for me! A gift… for its ingrate father." Gojyo glowered at the wall. "And the way things are looking, I'll never even have the chance to raise it. You'll keep me in this cell forever, and take it away the second they cut it out of me." Yaone knit her eyebrows together sadly, unsure of what to say to him, and Gojyo turned away from her. "Don't ask me what I do or don't care about, when you don't even know me."

"Yaone," Kougaiji called, and she turned to him. "Come on, we've got trouble." She got to her feet and rushed away from Gojyo, trying to forget the miserable look on his face as she rushed outside.

Hakkai, Gojyo, and Sanzo found themselves before an old castle, with crumbling walls of packed straw-and-mud bricks, drier than the plains. Much of it was dilapidated, and it was apparent that it had once been a fortress of one of the Youkai kings. It looked ready to fall over on itself, but Hakkai imagined that much of the castle's body was in the basement, thus making it an excellent place to store things or people. Lirin was still tied up in the backseat, but she was very cheerful. Kougaiji, Dokugakuji, and Yaone rushed out, and Sanzo, Hakkai, and Goku got out of the Jeep and lined up in front of it.

"What the hell are you doing with my sister?" Kougaiji shouted, scowling and pointing accusingly at them. Hakkai smiled vaguely.

"Oh, her dragon got injured. We were just passing through… when we picked her up. But since we're here," Hakkai paused, and that dangerous glint in his eyes appeared. "Perhaps we can talk about what you're doing with our friend."

"He's safe," Kougaiji replied curtly with a dirty look on his face, eyes darting briefly to Lirin. "Now, I want my sister."

"What a coincidence! We want our friend."

"Cut the bullshit, Hakkai," Sanzo muttered, as he stepped forward and pulled his gun. He pointed it directly at Dokugakuji, who flinched. "You. Go get your brother."

"Like hell!" Dokugaku barked, his voice dripping malice. He turned to Kougaiji urgently. "Lord Kougaiji, it's three on three, we can take 'em." Kougaiji focused on Goku, and the monkey king pulled out his nyoibo and readied it. Hakkai and Yaone faced each other, and bowed briefly in preparation. Sanzo, however, was not willing to fight Dokugakuji.

"Do you think you can take this?" Sanzo asked dangerously, and he turned his gun to point at Lirin. Lirin blinked innocently and smiled, but Kougaiji dropped his guard.

"High Priest Sanzo, don't shoot her!" Kougaiji shouted. Yaone pressed her hands to her mouth, eyes wide in fear for the young youkai. How could Lirin be so calm? Why wasn't she fighting back?

"It's a simple request, really," Hakkai interrupted softly. "We will trade your sister for his brother. Everyone is back where they belong, then. Don't worry, we'll take very good care of him. Otherwise, we'll just take her west with us… and we can't guarantee how well she'll be taken care of." Goku panicked.

"But-but-but, she'll eat everything and she'll be loud and whiny and annoying!" Sanzo glared coldly at Goku and threw his fan at him. He pressed the barrel firmly against Lirin's head.

"The girl for the man," Sanzo repeated, as Goku whined and rubbed his forehead. Kougaiji scowled and turned to Dokugaku.

"Dokugakuji, I'm sorry, but…"

"I understand, Lord Kougaiji. Gyokumen Koushu would not condone any harm coming to her only daughter." Dokugakuji glowered icily at Sanzo, as he pulled Lirin from the car and pushed her towards the three youkai with the gun still pointed at her head. "You're a fucking rat, priest!" Lirin bounced on her heels as they came close to Kougaiji, but Sanzo pressed the barrel of the gun against her ear.

"There will be no deceit. Take us to Gojyo." Hakkai and Goku joined Sanzo, both smiling. Yaone shook her head, unable to imagine how they could be so cheerful and how Lirin was still smiling, until Kougaiji led the priest and his party into the castle and she could see that the gun Sanzo was holding. Sanzo was lying: there would be deceit enough for all.

"Lirin," she asked softly, "are you enjoying your game with High Priest Sanzo?"

"It's a good game!" Lirin called back cheerfully. "Mister Baldy can be lots of fun sometimes!"

Gojyo sat up as Kougaiji entered, followed by the entire crew. He pulled himself to a stand against the wall, his legs wobbly with excitement. He grinned, and tried to hide his middle from their view. Hakkai approached the bars. "Oh, Gojyo, you don't look so well at all…"

"What the hell are you talking about? I've never been better." He reached through the bars and touched Hakkai's cheek to see if he was real. "Yeah, this is the best I've been in my life." Gojyo couldn't keep joy from crinkling his face, grinning so widely he thought his cheeks would tear. Kougaiji frowned at Sanzo, who still kept the pistol in Lirin's ear.

"Okay, you untie Lirin and I'll open his cell."

"She gets untied once he's out of the cell." Kougaiji looked ready to protest, but a soft clicking indicated that the safety was off. Kougaiji unlocked the cell and pulled Gojyo out by his sleeve. Gojyo rushed from Kougaiji and threw his arms around Hakkai, and Sanzo untied Lirin and pushed her back towards Kougaiji. "Game over, Lirin. Good job." He nodded approvingly at her, and she giggled. "You." Sanzo turned to Gojyo, and pointed the gun at him. Gojyo grimaced, and edged back.

"You wouldn't shoot me."

"Would you like to test that theory?" Sanzo cocked the pistol and pointed it, and Gojyo put his hands out in futile self-defense, eyes wide. Dokugakuji jerked forward, until Sanzo squeezed the trigger and sent a spray of water at Gojyo's forehead. Gojyo blinked, his jaw agape. Lirin giggled, as Kougaiji and Dokugakuji realized the ploy. Sanzo then grabbed Gojyo by the arm and started escorting him out with Hakkai on his other side. "I wish this thing held more water. You are filthy, and we're going to give you a goddamn bath as soon as we get to a town."

"Yeah, Sanzo's right. You stink!" Goku laughed, tagging along behind them. Gojyo simply smiled, and put one arm over Hakkai's shoulder, leaning his head and rubbing it against Hakkai's.

"You actually came for me. I thought you guys would just move on…"

"Don't be stupid," Sanzo grunted.

"You needed us, so we came. I think I heard you calling me." Goku smiled at Gojyo, and Sanzo hung his head a bit. He knew he had heard the exact same thing. They emerged into the sunlight, closely followed by Kougaiji and his party. Gojyo sat in the back seat, and Goku sat at his side, leaning over to Gojyo so he could chatter with his little cousin, and Sanzo and Hakkai got in their usual seats. They drove off into the sunlight, and Dokugakuji sighed.

"I'm not going to give up on helping him."

"I don't expect you to. Maybe it's best for all of them if you think of a different way to help, though," Yaone suggested quietly. "After all, he does deserve the opportunity to be a father. He told me it was a gift for the man who fathered them, but I think that was a lie."

"It may have been the gods' intentions, but those four tend to live in spite of that." Kougaiji remarked quietly, shaking his head. He simply folded his arms as the Jeep rolled away in a cloud of dust. "Well, still. We've got other work to do. So do they." Kougaiji turned back to the castle, followed closely by Yaone. Dokugakuji clenched his fist, more determined than ever, but was forced by his loyalties to turn his back on his brother.  
_________________________________________________________________________________

End Notes: I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter!

Anything to say? Leave a review, please. Reviews make me happy!


	7. Feel It

King Rat

_**Deep water, deep water**_

**Author's Notes: I skipped updating last week because of Thanksgiving, so happy belated turkey day! I really struggled with this chapter. I really did. I guess it's tough to write something emotional for individuals with such complex emotional profiles. **

**Thank you for all your kind words in your reviews! I'll do my best to keep this story satisfying!**

**Disclaimer: Still own nothing. They're all going to laugh at me.**

**7: Feel It**

Suggested Track: "Notion," Kings of Leon

Gojyo was happy to be resting in the Jeep instead of on the cell cot, and smelling the smoke from Sanzo's cigarette instead of his own vomit. He was even happier when they finally reached a town, even though Hakkai told him and Goku to wait in the Jeep outside of the city while he and Sanzo went ahead to find an inn. Gojyo could partially understand why; he was effectively half-naked, and he was unwashed and smelled distinctly of his own grime. He was right in his assumption, as Hakkai returned with a bucket and a blanket. Gojyo stood by the Jeep and rolled his eyes as Hakkai dumped water onto him. Dirt and dust rolled down his face, draining through his hair, and he felt a sense of disgrace. He looked to Hakkai for some semblance of approval or disapproval, but Hakkai's smile told him nothing. Gojyo finally grinned as Hakkai lifted a second bucket, and decided he was just happy to be cared about.

Once Gojyo's skin was no longer streaked with mud and his own sick, Hakkai wrapped the blanket around him to dry him off and cover his exposed belly. The Jeep became Hakuryu and tucked himself into Hakkai's sash, and the group went back to meet Sanzo at the inn. Gojyo was happy to eat a good meal of kimchi and pork, even though he was dressed in a blanket, and with Hakkai to help him he didn't regurgitate it. It was the first meal he'd kept down in a month. He dragged himself to the room he and Hakkai were going to share, and fell asleep almost before his head hit the pillow. He was just happy to be there, too happy to dream.

When he woke up the next morning, Hakkai was already awake. He was organizing some fabric in his satchel, but turned around and hid what he was holding behind his back to grin at him. Gojyo realized, when he saw a dangling black sleeve, that Hakkai had purchased clothes. "Good morning," Hakkai giggled, smiling at Gojyo as he sat up and rubbed his forehead. "You've slept a long time. Do you know it's almost after noon?" Gojyo shook his head, his mind still a bit too fuzzy for speech, and Hakkai chuckled again. "It's okay. I've drawn you a bath just a few minutes ago, and since you may not try on your new clothes until you're cleaner than they are, I recommend you go get in the water before it gets too cold."

Hakkai kept his hands folded and the new clothing hidden behind him as Gojyo shuffled to the washroom. He peered in, and could see the deep tub was literally steaming hot. He wondered how Hakkai had known when to draw it. The room smelled of soap, and it was lit by a slender window. With the sun at its current angle, light shafted in as a beam that made the water's reflection glimmer on the walls. Gojyo anxiously glanced behind him, closed the door and stripped down. He made his way up to the tub's edge carefully, trying to look at his feet around his belly, and slowly slid into the hot water, leaning his back against the high walls of the tub. He was surprised that the water wasn't turning black with the dirt that slid off of him, but it felt good all the same. He felt gravity loosen its grip on him, and folded his knees to his torso, curling up as much as he could. He felt his own heart, throbbing in the water, and the movements of his baby shuffling around in whatever he had for a womb, and the water rippling around it. Gojyo, curious, shifted his hands to explore the dome of flesh at his hips.

Gojyo often touched himself, but so rarely did he do it like this. He traced each millimeter of stretched, taut skin with his fingertips, breathing heavily as chills ran through his bones. His belly felt so warm, even in the heat of water so hot that turned his skin pink. A fire was burning inside of him, and now that he had his hands on it, it was stoked and burned hotter. Every movement from the inside was a spark in the kindling, a log catching and roaring into a blaze. He shivered, and tried to see through the fire to the creature living within him. It had arms, and legs, and a mouth, nose, and eyes, he knew, and he imagined ten fingers and ten toes. He wondered what it all came together as, what-or who- this baby would look like, and if it was healthy. For a moment, Gojyo regretted not listening to Yaone or taking the medicine, but he silently decided that it was what was best. He liked a good surprise sometimes.

"If you're going to make it, then I'm going to have to be a little bit more careful, huh?" He chuckled softly, before stopping himself and realizing he was talking to the baby. After getting over the feeling that he was either stupid or crazy, he realized that there was nothing wrong with it. It felt completely natural, and Gojyo decided it probably wasn't entirely unhealthy. He glanced down and drummed his fingers on his front, unsure of what to say. "I wonder if you can even hear me," he finally murmured, squeezing his sides together. He felt a distinct kick in response, and smiled. "Good enough for me."

"Gojyo, who are you talking to?" Gojyo froze in place as he heard Goku outside.

"S-stupid monkey! What are you doing here?!" Gojyo snapped, wondering how much Goku had heard.

"Hakkai asked me to guard the door… but I wanna take a bath while it's still hot! Gojyo, can I come in with you? I promise I'll still guard you." Goku sounded giggly and eager, and Gojyo imagined him rocking on the balls of his feet. He sighed. He might as well be nice to the kid; he'd have one just like him soon.

"Sure, I'm almost done anyway." Gojyo began to soap himself, as Goku bounced in, already naked and covering himself with a towel. He dropped it and jumped right into the soaking tub, displacing and causing overflow onto the floor. Gojyo rolled his eyes and continued to rub himself with the soap. Goku stared at Gojyo as he worked, until Gojyo gave him an icy look. "Do you mind?"

"Mind what?" Goku blinked innocently.

"I'm naked and you're staring at me." Gojyo scowled. "I don't like it when kids look at me like a piece of meat."

"I'm not a kid, and I'm just looking at how big little cousin's grown!" Goku crowed, and he wiggled his fingers in preparation of little-cousin-grab. With no room to back away, Gojyo soon found himself against the wall of the tub with Goku's hands on his taut middle, and Goku squeezed him like a ripe melon. Gojyo clenched his fists at his sides. He dunked himself in the water to get Goku off of him and wash the soap off.

"Don't touch me like that!" Gojyo stammered, and he quickly jumped out and wrapped a towel around himself. Goku edged his eyes over the tub and grinned.

"Aww, but I had to see. You're just way bigger than a regular pregnant lady, cause I saw some of those, and they weren't as big as you." Goku smiled childishly. "Plus, I've never felt a baby belly before. I wanted to feel it!"

Gojyo snorted, giving Goku a cold stare as he considered the man-child's words. Finally, he demanded, "Well, what did it feel like to you?"

"Really cool," Goku chuckled. "It was like a barrel really full of fish, but like the fish can't even move, cause it's so full! And it was warm and firm like meat. I bet it'd taste good, too! Can I bite it?" Goku bared his teeth in a wide, wide grin, and Gojyo laughed and backed away from him.

"I think not!"

Hakkai knocked on Sanzo's door, before peering in. The priest was in the midst of his usual routine of chain-smoking cigarettes while reading the morning paper. "Sanzo, you asked me to let you know when he woke up." Sanzo glanced at Hakkai over the top of his paper, raising an eyebrow. Hakkai smiled a little wider. "He woke up." Sanzo nodded to acknowledge him, and went back to his paper. "I'm surprised you asked, though. I never thought the pair of you got along well." Sanzo snorted quietly, not looking up, and Hakkai chortled to himself. "I suppose you pity him his situation. I suppose… becoming a parent unexpectedly can result in some unfortunate things. After all, look at us. We are all orphans by some means."

Sanzo put his paper down and gave Hakkai a hard stare. He didn't like how Hakkai paused, expecting him to respond.

"Think about it," Hakkai continued. "I was abandoned, you were put in the river, and Gojyo was illegitimate and his parents were killed. Don't be angry with me for saying so but if I didn't know better, I'd say you truly wanted to be sure Gojyo doesn't make good on his threats to send his son the same path you took." Sanzo considered this for a silent moment, and reopened his newspaper to make clear to Hakkai that he was ignoring him. Hakkai simply chuckled again, and left. Gojyo was out of the washroom, with a towel wrapped around his hips, digging through Hakkai's pack. Hakkai slipped in, silently closing the door behind him, leaned close to him and smiled at his shoulder. "Nice and clean?"

"Ah!" Gojyo gasped, surprised by Hakkai's presence. "Don't scare me, I swear to god, man-"

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to frighten." Hakkai placed his hands on Gojyo's shoulders to steady him. Gojyo chuckled nervously- somehow, the fact that Hakkai had single-handedly nearly wiped out an entire race of youkai made it hard for the ex-human to comfort him. "Ah, you smell nice! And you've turned pink. Now, let me see here." Hakkai suddenly reached and grabbed Gojyo's middle.

"Hey! Goddamn it, get off me!" Gojyo snapped, jerking back. Hakkai smiled a little wider.

"I wanted to check on the child, Gojyo. Hold still, and calm yourself. I will feel for his ki." Gojyo flinched, and finally slumped his shoulders and looked away.

"Fine. You can touch it." Hakkai maintained his smile as Gojyo relented, and folded his hands over Gojyo's abdomen like he was carrying an orb. His palms curved to hold him, and Gojyo flinched as he felt warm flesh against his belly. He closed his eyes as he felt Hakkai's warm, firm palms run across him.

"It feels perfectly healthy, but there seems to be something off," Hakkai mused as he worked. Gojyo looked at Hakkai, expecting him to explain. He didn't. Instead, he froze with his hands cupping the swell, thinking for a moment, before folding his hands in front of his own chest again. Gojyo shivered; somehow, Hakkai's gaze made him feel like a child. "Now that you are clean, you should try your new clothes."

"I'm game," Gojyo replied, slouching. "Why do I have to have new clothes?"

"Because your clothes as they were don't fit you well. I did not know what would suit you, though, because you could not go with me when you were asleep, so I chose two articles, along with underclothes, that I thought would fit you well and serve our purpose." Hakkai handed Gojyo a small box, which contained new, clean, black boxer shorts in Gojyo's new size. He quickly yanked them on, and grinned.

"Heh, awesome. Fat guy pants." He patted his belly contently, palming it like a ball of clay. "Unless you want me to go around like this, you must have something else. What did you pick out for me?"

"Well, for now, I have two options for you." Hakkai held up two articles of clothing, and Gojyo looked mortified at both.

"You have lost your fucking mind!"

"Quiet down," a low, dangerous voice ordered from the door. Sanzo had opened the door and was glaring in at Hakkai and Gojyo, as Gojyo looked at his new clothes. Gojyo didn't look at Sanzo, but instead glared at the two outfits Hakkai had selected.

"I'm afraid these are the only things that will work for your shape." Hakkai held a black, long-sleeved, shapeless, baggy linen maternity-sized frock in one hand and an overly large black monk's robe with a royal blue sash. "Monks tend to be large, really, due to a life of sitting still, meditating and praying, and this dress, though not especially feminine, is designed for a woman with child…"

"Hakkai, you're a good guy, but your fashion taste is way off. I'm not a cross dresser, and I'm definitely not a holy man. I can't wear those." Gojyo folded his arms, scowling like a peeved child. Hakkai continued to smile.

"Your only other option is to go naked."

"Give me the damn robe." Gojyo groaned and accepted the article from Hakkai's hand, and began to tug the robe on. Sanzo looked away, glowering at the doorframe, as Gojyo temporarily became a Buddhist monk. He fastened the sash around him, and looked at Hakkai. "Alright, does it work?" Hakkai looked Gojyo up and down, and giggled softly. The robe fit, and the sash helped conceal the bulge at his midsection. However, he had to laugh, because Gojyo was right- he did not make a good Buddhist. He looked at Sanzo in his plain muslin robes, and at Gojyo in his black robes, and giggled like a madman. He finally leaned against the wall, laughing uncontrollably at the expense of poor unholy Gojyo, until he finally removed the robe indignantly.

"I can die happy now," Hakkai laughed, before passing the dress to Gojyo. He pulled it on over his head, and smoothed it down. It was loose enough to completely contain his bump, with plenty of room to grow, and with baggy sleeves and a fairly high neckline, it was almost like an oversized shirt. However, because it fell to his ankles, it was distinctly a dress. Gojyo sighed softly, looking down. He looked to Sanzo.

"Tell me I look ridiculous."

"You look ridiculous," Sanzo replied, his eyebrows furrowed. "But we won't have to give you a set of breasts and makeup to pass you as a woman if we can get a pair of pants that fit you and cut the bottom off." He turned away, looking at the doorframe again. "Until then, I won't be seen in public with you."

"Give me the utility knife." Gojyo held out his hand, and Hakkai passed one to him. He quickly dug the blade into the dress and pulled it around, shredding it off just below his crotch and effectively turning it into a tunic. He then pulled his old pants on. They seemed to fit even less than they did yesterday, but he took a length of rope and put it through the belt loops to hold them up. "I am a man, and I'm getting some damned pants."

Once Goku finished in the bath, the foursome went out into the street market. It was a fairly large bazaar, and there was a great deal for all of them to do. Gojyo browsed through the haberdashery stalls, looking for pants that would fit around his hips with extra room, and Goku went to stare at a chunk of meat spinning on a spit, drooling like the idiot monkey he was. Sanzo stayed with Hakkai, and they kept Gojyo in their line of sight as Hakkai picked out groceries and medical supplies he knew they would need. Sanzo didn't shop at all, instead smoking and staring at Gojyo like a hawk watching its prey.

"Oi, Hakkai." Sanzo paused, thinking for a moment, rephrasing his question in his mind but he knew he had the youkai hunter's attention. "You love Gojyo," he finally stated, looking away from him. Hakkai maintained his smile, chuckling softly.

"In a manner of speaking, yes, of course I do. He's my closest friend, and I love him like I would my brother." Sanzo raised an eyebrow when he looked back to Hakkai, but Hakkai continued to smile. "Is there any reason you bring this up?"

"Did you father his child?" Sanzo asked nonchalantly, staring through the taller man before him. Hakkai's smile twitched, unnerved at Sanzo's heartless gaze.

"I did not. Unless I slept with him in an unremembered, uncontrolled state, I could not have." He turned away from Sanzo, escaping his icy eyes and silent glare. "And you know, I would have told you and Goku if I had personally fathered the child. I would be immensely proud, not to mention most excited to have a son or daughter I could call my own. But no. I don't think I could ever fall in romantic love with someone like Gojyo…" Hakkai's gaze became distant, and Sanzo looked away from the tall, thin man. He felt a tiny twinge of guilt in his gray heart, knowing he'd reminded him of Kanan. "Why do you ask?" Hakkai turned back to look Sanzo in the eyes.

"He told me he only slept with one man, Hakkai," Sanzo replied coolly. "I wanted to know if it was you."

"I see. It was not." Hakkai folded his hands behind his back, and he and Sanzo strolled down the row of stalls. "I find it odd that Gojyo would admit to being so… inexperienced. I remember when Gojyo would brag of his prowess. That he would confess to you that number of male partners means that whether or not it is true, he was ashamed and tired of the way he was seen. Perhaps he does not wish to be seen as a philanderer anymore... At least, not in your eyes. My, perhaps he has come to view you with admiration!" Sanzo's eyes darkened as he stared at the ground, knowing it to be true.

The truth could be terribly painful.

* * *

That evening, the party was back on the open road. Hakkai and Sanzo agreed that it would be best if they moved quickly west to avoid their rivals, as Hakkai supposed that Kougaiji and Doku would be reluctant to give up on Gojyo. Gojyo didn't care, because he was tired of seeing their faces as it was and would be quite content never to see them again. As the moon began to sink under the horizon, Goku and Gojyo were fast asleep in the back seat, and Goku had slumped himself over Gojyo. Gojyo had finally selected a very baggy pair of dark blue pants, with enough stretch in the waistband to accommodate even the Buddha himself. He wore a small smile in his sleep, even with Goku's whole torso stretched over him and pressing into his tight shape. Sanzo found himself glancing back at the two on occasion, as Hakkai drove onwards into the darkening sky. Sanzo tapped Hakkai on the shoulder. "Hmm?" Hakkai didn't look away from the road, but Sanzo nodded towards the back seat.

"I want to switch with Goku."

"You may." Hakkai braked delicately, and Sanzo got out. He lifted Goku from his seat, placed him, still asleep, in the front seat, and slid in beside Gojyo. Gojyo grumbled a bit, but didn't awaken. Sanzo closed both doors, and Hakkai continued to drive, the rumbling of the engine lulling the passengers. Sanzo stared at Gojyo. He looked peaceful, like he did after Sanzo slept with him, with his palms folded neatly over his navel. Sanzo stared at the rounded bulge of Gojyo's belly, and slowly reached one hand forward, brushing his fingers against Gojyo's knuckles, before laying the back of his hand on his middle above Gojyo's hands.

He could feel it. He could feel sleepy but growing life slowly swimming and turning in its dark cradle, and imagined a tiny hand pressing out at his. Sanzo shivered and closed his eyes, and put both palms on Gojyo's belly. It was warm, like sunlight, it exuded a warm, comfortable aura; it was shifting and soft, yet rigid at the same time. Sanzo rubbed it slowly in small circles, tracing one finger around Gojyo's hands, and glanced away. He felt like he was holding the world against his palms. His chest felt tight, his heart was pounding, and there was new life sprouting under his hands. He had hands that had caused many deaths, and now there was life cradled in them. He leaned close to Gojyo's face, trying to read his dreams and find answers for his unspoken questions, but Gojyo opened his eyes.

"What the hell are you doing?" Gojyo snapped, trying to edge back in the seat. Hakkai glanced around briefly, before turning his attention back to the road.

"I was trying to see what I had to do to wake your lazy ass up," Sanzo snapped back, frowning and sitting back down in his seat. Both men folded their arms and glared out of the Jeep in opposite directions, ignoring their pounding hearts as much as they could.

* * *

End Notes: I hope everyone enjoyed this. Sadly, this is where the story gets a little sappier. I promise, it won't get too sickening, because I would vomit like Gojyo with a hunk of stinky cheese if I started writing this story through rose-tinted glasses with unicorns and rainbows.

Did you enjoy? Review.

Did you hate? Review.

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Suggestions? Review.

Anything to say? Please review!!


	8. You And All You Are

**King Rat**

_Deep Water, Deep Water_

Author's Notes: This chapter is also mildly mushy. I still like it. It's perhaps my favorite chapter. Also, long chapter. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Still own nothing. Would like Hakkai. Please leave any and all Hakkais in my inbox.

**8: You and All You Are**

Suggested Track: "Little Motel," Modest Mouse; "Oscar Wilde," Company of Thieves

"You, too, would like to have your questions answered," Hakkai stated plainly. Sanzo nodded. He had his own room, but he went to Hakkai's quarters late in the night. For the two months since Gojyo's rescue, Hakkai had imagined that the priest had more under the surface than was apparent, and he felt somewhat gratified in apparently being right. "I have wondered what your mind did about these things, but I suppose you have stewed like tough rabbit." Sanzo nodded again, lighting another cigarette. Hakkai folded his hands over his knee. "Perhaps we have different sets of information on the subject. I asked him the same thing you must have."

"And?"

"He would not admit a number." Hakkai shrugged. "But he insisted it was not many. Truthfully, I would not have expected him to, especially if the number is as low as you say it is."

"He's lying," Sanzo fumed, and he pulled out and lit a cigarette. "I think he just doesn't want us to know how filthy and immoral he is."

"Hm-hm," Hakkai chuckled, and Sanzo narrowed his eyes. "You know, I have always had a theory about cigarette smokers." He paused, letting Sanzo glare at him, daring him to go on. "I theorize that people smoke cigarettes to avoid dealing with their emotions."

"Shut up. You're wrong. I smoke because I like to smoke." Sanzo inhaled the smoke through his flaring nostrils and sighed it out.

"I based it more on Gojyo, though I find it interesting that you immediately assumed I was thinking about you. He used to smoke more than you did, and he's only stopped because I made him. No doubt, he's been taking yours when I wasn't looking, but I don't expect you to count them and check." Sanzo immediately looked into his cigarette box, and snorted. "But I bring it up because, frankly, pregnancy is a very emotional thing, and Gojyo, who wants us to think he's shallow and heartless, is being revealed for what he is…" Hakkai smiled knowingly. "Afraid to love, afraid of rejection. Meaningless sex filled his yearning for acceptance, if only temporarily, but now he must deal with the consequences." Sanzo looked away, as Hakkai sighed softly. "I believe him, Sanzo, when he says he only slept with one man. How could you expect him to love a woman after all he went through? He fell in love, and he was rejected, and the goddess Kannon decided to open his heart with something he had to love."

"I think you're wrong," Sanzo replied, not looking at Hakkai at all. "Who do you think he slept with?"

"Well, since he doesn't want to tell us, I can only conclude it's someone one of us knows." Hakkai shrugged. "But I don't know. For all we know, it could be one of our enemies- perhaps even Kougaiji. It would explain why Kougaiji spirited him away and wanted so much to keep him. And if I am wrong, it was that he was taken advantage of and doesn't even know the name of the man who assaulted him."

"I doubt that," Sanzo muttered. "You have given me no answers."

"Sadly, I have none for you. Gojyo is determined to keep his secrets." Hakkai folded his hands on the table. "I suppose… I expected you to have some for me." They were silent, Sanzo slouched sideways on his chair with his face towards the floor, Hakkai sitting straight and neat and smiling straight ahead. There was nothing Hakkai could do but wait for Sanzo to speak, and Sanzo could say nothing. Finally, Hakkai spoke again, only to say, "We can speak no more." There were footsteps in the hall, and Hakkai opened the door to see Gojyo passing through the darkened hallway. "Are you awake?"

"Do you expect me to sleep with all your yammering?" Gojyo grumbled, turning away from the light, but Hakkai giggled.

"Oh dear, let me have a look at you!" He yanked Gojyo into the lamplight of his inn room, and Gojyo flinched when he saw Sanzo at the table.

In the two months since his rescue from Dokugakuji, Gojyo had filled his muscles back in, his limbs as strong as they were before, but his belly had grown. It was big. Huge. It was way out front and out on both sides. Gojyo could have painted it orange and passed it off as a prize pumpkin. Though his hips had widened, he didn't look fat (in fact, his stomach was so compressed he could barely eat at all), and it was apparent to all that somehow he was as pregnant as a pause. Gojyo's emasculation was becoming more and more painful and embarrassing for him. The worst part for him was that whenever they were attacked, Gojyo was officially useless. As he'd grown bigger, it became harder and harder for him to move as nimbly as he once had. There was no longer any grace to his movements, his limber limbs now obstructed by an awkward mass in his middle. Now, if they encountered youkai assassins, Gojyo found himself willingly hiding behind the Jeep, closing his eyes and gritting his teeth out of a firm desire to do something but the inability to do anything. He felt like less of a man than ever before, closed in by everything around him, and just trying as hard as he could to retain some of his manhood.

However, the way he was dressed at that moment did not betray that he was a man; he wore a long-sleeved, elaborate, proper woman's dress, a black one with white lace accents, and a false bosom to fill out the top. His hair was tied up in a high, neat ponytail, his headband off, and he wore some makeup on his face to hide his scars and brighten his lips and eyes. He looked immensely indignant as Hakkai examined him up and down, and he wasn't holding himself like a woman as he clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. "Relax, Gojyo, stand naturally." Gojyo shivered as Hakkai gently rubbed his lower back, and he relaxed his shoulders and folded his hands around his belly. He was barefoot, because his feet were too swollen to keep his boots on for long periods of time, and with shy feet turned slightly inwards, Gojyo now passed for a woman, if an Amazonian one. "Where did you get this?"

"Borrowed it," Gojyo muttered, looking away from Hakkai. Hakkai giggled spiritedly.

"And why are you dolled up so nicely?"

"Wanted to get some air… without being harassed," Gojyo replied, frowning and looking away from both Hakkai and Sanzo. "But you recognized me, so it's out."

"Oh, you don't want your brother or the like to approach you. I see." Hakkai folded his arms and scratched his cheek in thought. "Well, I could go with you-" Gojyo groaned and cut him off.

"I just want to be alone!" Gojyo folded his arms immaturely, still scowling. "I want to go out and see the town and not have you hovering over me like a mother hen-"

"Shut up. You want to go, you're going, and I'm going with you." Gojyo looked, and saw Sanzo removing his robe and priest's decorations (but for his sutra, which he wrapped around his waist). He pulled a plain black haori from Hakkai's pack on over his skintight undershirt and pants.

"A perfect solution." Hakkai clapped his hands together and smiled. "I will not hover over you. Sanzo shall." Gojyo looked away, peeved more than before.

"Fine. Just as long as he doesn't bother me."

Once Sanzo had his sandals on and tucked his garments in his room, the two of them were out the door. Gojyo crossed the road and kept his arms folded across his chest, and Sanzo stayed on his own side of the street. Gojyo walked briskly, despite how his shifted center affected his weight. Sanzo kept up, though on his own side, leaving the two parallel. Gojyo sulked silently, and Sanzo kept his face blank and indicative of nothing. Their thoughts were tangible, but unreadable. It was obvious that both wanted to look like they despised one another. After a few minutes of silence, Sanzo crossed the road to join Gojyo and follow at his heels. "Where do you really want to go?"

"Where the hell do I have to go?" Gojyo replied, sullen and dejected. "You think I'm going to run away?"

"Back to your brother," Sanzo sneered, and Gojyo scoffed, his breath a mist in the cold night air.

"I don't want him to take care of me, I don't want to be a damned science experiment for those taboo-breaking bastards. I'm not going anywhere. I don't have anywhere to go at all." Sanzo frowned a bit, as Gojyo hung his head and stopped in place. He realized that Gojyo was now moping, and sighed heavily. He could say nothing. He sighed, and whipped a cigarette from his coat pocket. In the same motion, with his lighter in the same hand, the cigarette's tip blazed into embers, and he inhaled deeply. Sanzo noticed Gojyo staring at him intently, and recoiled from his gaze. Gojyo turned his head away, looking dejected, and Sanzo could hear sniffing sounds without looking at him.

"Stop crying," Sanzo growled, gripping the butt of the cigarette in his teeth.

"I'm not. Just… it smells good." Sanzo saw that Gojyo's eyes were focused on the cigarette, and that he was intently sniffing the smoke. Gojyo finally unfolded his arms, and simply gazed on the glowing ash forming between Sanzo's fingers. Sanzo thought about what Hakkai had said, and offered the cigarette to him with his eyes cast up and away from the kappa.

"If it'll make you quit pouting. Don't tell Hakkai." Gojyo looked at Sanzo with wide eyes, and took the cigarette in his trembling fingers. He inhaled its scent deeply, and sucked the tip for a moment. He could taste Sanzo on it, but it was overshadowed by the smell of burning tar and the sensation of nicotine. He exhaled the smoke, but it escaped as a whimper, and he clamped his hand over his mouth. Sanzo still noticed, but he didn't say anything. Gojyo took another deep drag off the cigarette, rolling Sanzo's flavor in his mouth with the smoke. He both wanted and hated that taste: the savory, bitter flavor of Sanzo's tongue. He finally stopped in place, sucking the ember into the filter, and hissing as it burned his lips. Sanzo stopped a few feet in front of him, not turning around as Gojyo threw the butt down and nudged it into the gutter with his big toe.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" Gojyo mumbled, shaking his head and burying his eyes in his palm. "Priest Sanzo, can I have a moment alone?"

"No." Sanzo couldn't imagine why Gojyo was invoking his questionable title, but he didn't like it. "Stupid. If you're going to cry like a woman, you might as well do it now. You look enough like one." Sanzo leaned against a wall and pulled out a fresh cigarette. Gojyo slid his hand down his face and shook his head,

"I'm not going to cry. And if I was going to cry, I wouldn't let you watch." Gojyo turned around. "I hate this."

"You hate having feelings," Sanzo corrected him darkly. "Your stupid hormones have wrested and racked your façade. I can see you for what you are." The pair met eyes, and Gojyo turned on his heel and walked away quickly. Sanzo gave chase, following the heavily pregnant youkai as he waddled back towards their hostel. Gojyo tried to move faster, but he groaned and stopped, clutching his belly and shivering. Sanzo grabbed his elbows. "Oi."

"N-no, let go of me."

"Are you in labor?"

"No, shut up," Gojyo muttered, channeling the blonde priest. "It's a cramp, I can't move fast like that-"

"Then don't." Sanzo wrapped his arms around Gojyo, but stopped as his hands landed on his stuffed bust. Sanzo reached into his top and tore the tissues out, leaving Gojyo's imitation bosom on the ground. He then caught Gojyo up in his grasp and held him upright. Gojyo grunted in pain and irritation, but he let Sanzo support his weight for a moment. Sanzo kept his arms around him, and carefully walked Gojyo back towards the inn with one hand around Gojyo's hips and the other on his shoulder. Gojyo felt weak and childish, but Sanzo's grip was firm. Somehow, it felt safe. Sanzo opened the door for him, and helped him up the stairs into his own quarters. Sanzo put Gojyo down on his bed, and laid a pillow under his feet. Gojyo could only stare up at Sanzo as he closed the door and smoked another cigarette. Gojyo rested his hands on his filled-out middle, feeling the taut, strained muscles rather than the kicking and thrashing within. "You're sure you're not in labor?" Sanzo asked, sitting on the ground near the head of the bed and lighting another cigarette.

"Yeah, I'm sure. It's not a goddamn contraction, I'd know if it was coming. Why? Think it's coming too early?" Gojyo snapped sarcastically, glaring at the ceiling. "And yeah. If it comes now, then it's too early. Shouldn't be due for another month, at least."

"Whatever you say," Sanzo grumbled. He rose to his feet, looking down at Gojyo, his eyes distinctly tender, and he left the half-finished cigarette still burning in the ashtray. He lit another one and began to suck the fire through it. "You're running away. It's all you do. You keep saying you desire to be alone, but you just want to walk away from the life you're living. You've looked like a corpse since the day I lay with you. Do you want to die?"

"Do you really want to pretend to care how I feel?"

"No." Sanzo tapped the cigarette, letting the smoke drift like incense around them.

"Will you let me go back to my bed?"

"No." Sanzo stood upright, and Gojyo squinted into the light as Sanzo leaned close to him. "I'm going to put you to sleep." He pressed a gentle kiss onto Gojyo's cheek, and slid into the bed beside him. Gojyo slid over, making room for the priest, and Sanzo wrapped his arms around Gojyo's shoulders. One hand settled itself on his belly, slowly massaging the tense muscles, and the other reached for a basin of water on the bedside table. Sanzo splashed Gojyo's face and wiped away the makeup, and pulled the tie from Gojyo's hair. He slid his hand down to Gojyo's crotch, and began to squeeze and tug at the slowly-hardening rod. Gojyo made no sound, and Sanzo sat up a bit to look at him. Gojyo's hand was already in his mouth, his eyes closed, shaking his head. Sanzo removed his hand to break his silence.

"Sanzo, I'll make noise," Gojyo reminded him in a nervous stammer. "Please, don't-" He swallowed hard, unable to believe what he had to say next. "No."

"I won't, then." Sanzo removed his hand from Gojyo's cock. "I don't think you're capable of sex in this state anyway." Sanzo cupped his hands around Gojyo's underbelly, lacing his fingers where they met, and Gojyo's breath started to come only in short gasps. His heart was pounding too hard for anything else. Sanzo seemed to know he was alright, and pressed his nose onto Gojyo's shoulder and into his hair. Gojyo shivered. For a fleeting second, Sanzo felt like a lover against his chest.

"Sanzo, please, don't listen to what I'm going to say for the next minute. I need to say it, but you don't want to hear it. You're not going to like it." Sanzo didn't respond, and Gojyo took this as a sign to go ahead. He looked at his firm middle, folding his hands over Sanzo's and sighed. "If you're a boy, I want to name you Yohei. If you're a girl, I want to name you Kana. I don't care what happens to me, I'll take care of you." He closed his eyes meditatively, and groaned as he felt a twisting, somersaulting movement inside of him. Sanzo's hands pressed in- he must have felt it too, Gojyo thought- and the baby stopped. It didn't have enough room to turn. It was just far too cramped, even with all the space. "Damn, you're just too big. I don't even know how you'll be born…"

"No doubt, the goddess will provide for your labor," Sanzo muttered. Gojyo closed his eyes and smiled. It was the most priestly thing Sanzo had ever said, and he'd heard him say it. For that moment, Gojyo didn't care that he could never talk about how he felt when he and Sanzo lay beside each other. He didn't care that he was only in Sanzo's arms because he pitied him. He didn't care that Sanzo would never accept his child or him. He didn't care that his heart ached and his soul writhed when Sanzo touched him, or that he was hungry to taste him every second of every day. For this second, this fragment of the universe was perfect to him, and he could sleep.

* * *

How many times have I lied to you? How many times have I lied to everybody about you? How many times did I deny myself you, did I look you in the eyes and deny you? How many times have I spit on your heels and at your back? What have I done to you?

I am a monster. I always have been. They look at me, and they whisper that I have the eyes of a youkai. I look at myself differently. I'm a rat. I cling on the outskirts of life, gnawing on the remnants of corpses, jumping from crumb to crumb and building a throne on the backs of those I manipulate. Why, with you, with the others, can I not simply ignore you and forget your hearts? I am a King of Rats, and you are…

You are buried under your scars. You are wrapped in the torment of your fate. You are mourning things you didn't know you could lose. You are a lover of murderers, a brother to monkeys, and so foolish you don't know how wise you are. You decide your every motion on card games and dice rolls, you jump between luck and misfortune, hanging by a noose and dancing around the trapdoor. You cling to the outskirts of life, wanting answers for questions you could never ask, so that you'd never hear the answers anyway. You scrape the borders of hopelessness with your fingernails, telling your dreams to go fuck themselves all while achieving them in every step you take. You were almost killed for existing, and I wonder why you even choose to survive.

The difference between us is that you refuse to survive. You live. No matter how dead you look, you live, even if you think you have no reason to. You are a rat like I am, but at the same time, you're the god of yourself and the temples in distant India shall set out bowls of milk for your kin, kith, brethren, and children.

In this fragment of the universe, at this moment in time, there is no wrong, only right; nothing is your fault and there is nothing I can blame you for. There is no pain, there is only pressure like that which forms diamonds. You live in an eternal afterglow of something that should never have happened, and I thank whatever there is to thank that I'm in your presence right now. I don't need to be here, and I don't deserve to be. In this moment of space and time, there is only you and all you are, the life within you, the life I never deserved.

I'm lucky to be here. Lucky, lucky me. What the fuck is wrong with me?

* * *

When that morning came, Gojyo and Sanzo woke up as paradoxically as they had fallen asleep: Sanzo as the big spoon, and Gojyo as the little spoon. Gojyo woke first, disturbed by motions in his womb, and instinctively tried to pull away from Sanzo, who still had his arm draped and clasped around his breast. Sanzo, still asleep although twitching and mumbling indistinctly, had a rigid grip, and Gojyo couldn't slip out. Gojyo thought for a moment, and decided that waking up being held was not entirely unpleasant, but he knew that once Sanzo woke up, the pleasance would vanish. Indeed, when Sanzo opened his eyes a few minutes later, it was because Gojyo was trying to discreetly wiggle out of his embrace. Sanzo moved his arm, like removing a seatbelt, and Gojyo carefully sat up. He was still dressed, his dress wrinkled and tousled, and it fell back down to his ankles as he loosed himself from Sanzo's bed. He turned back to the priest as he approached the door, bowed at the waist as best as he could, and left. Sanzo said nothing.

When Hakkai went to wake Gojyo, he found the pregnant man sitting on the edge of the bed, one hand on his middle, his eyes closed. The dress was discarded at his feet, and he was already dressed for the day. Hakkai sat beside him. "Did you sleep?"

"Very well, yes." Gojyo nodded without opening his eyes.

"Unusual for you."

"I tired myself out walking," Gojyo replied with a shrug. "I just made myself so tired I had to sleep."

"A wise decision. I think the only one between the four of us who ever sleeps soundly is Goku. In your condition, though, you need your sleep." Hakkai beamed. "And now, you need your breakfast!" Gojyo hunched his shoulders.

"Stop talking to me like I'm some kind of child. I'm not even hungry." Gojyo sighed, and lay back on the bed. The black linen tunic he wore barely covered his middle anymore, stretched past its limits by Gojyo's oversized middle. Hakkai simply patted his shoulder.

"The baby's pressing down on your stomach, Gojyo. You have no room, but even so, you should at least try to eat a little. You won't be able to nurture the baby unless you do." Hakkai rose, and offered Gojyo his hands. Gojyo reluctantly took them to let Hakkai help him to his feet, but only because he didn't have any other options.

Gojyo didn't eat at all. He stared at the food Hakkai placed before him, direly wanting to consume it, but unable to bring himself to. Whenever he lifted the fork to his mouth, his tongue dried from nausea, and he had to put it down. Even looking at it started to irk him, and he finally gave up on breakfast. Hakkai could do nothing for him, and he knew that this meant trouble.

"I can't adjust his chi any more. I can't find the source of his current woe." Hakkai stated simply, shaking his head. "I'm afraid that he might be near the end."

"Gojyo's gonna die?!" Goku gasped, stuffing his fingernails in his mouth.

"No. He's going to give birth," Sanzo hissed quietly. "Don't say such stupid things."

"B-but, won't that kill him? I mean, only ladies are really supposed to do that." Goku continued to chew his fingers nervously.

"If he wasn't supposed to do it, then Kannon would never have made him to be with child," Hakkai replied gently, patting Goku on the head. Goku jerked away, glaring at Hakkai with wide, sad eyes.

"But little cousin is so big! Bigger than any baby ever! How is big little cousin going to get out of Gojyo?" Goku hung his head, and concluded, "Gojyo's going to die." Sanzo scoffed, casting one eye over his shoulder to the fireplace, where the oversized kappa now sat, as he often did now, with his legs straddled around his precious cargo, resting one hand atop it and staring meditatively at his navel.

Sanzo tried to think of all the expecting women he'd met before, but realized he'd never actually looked at any of them due to his sheer disinterest. The same applied to babies, especially newborns which were rarely seen in public anyway. He could only distinctly remember one, and it was in a mass grave after being torn out of its mother's womb in a youkai attack. He only remembered it because of how terribly saddened Hakkai had been, and what he remembered was that it was very, very small. Sanzo compared that idea in his mind to Gojyo's massive, overfilled belly, and couldn't help but think that Gojyo was far, far too large.

Even Hakuryu seemed to know that Gojyo was a bit bigger than he should have been. When the party stepped outside and Hakkai woke the little dragon-jeep up, Hakuryu emerged, took a look at the kappa, and did the same thing he'd done every day for the past few weeks: began to argue with Hakkai in chirps and chatters. Hakkai sighed, like he always did.

"Yes, he is still pregnant." The Jeep chirped and shrieked. "No, no, he is not going to explode." Hakuryu whined loudly. "No, I do not think he will cause your tire to go flat!" Hakuryu purred urgently. "No, you will not get worse gas mileage which will cause you to run out of petrol in the middle of the desert, thus stranding us all. You don't even use petrol. Hakuryu, you're really hurting his feelings."

"I'm going to use him for a belt if he doesn't turn into the Jeep right now," Gojyo threatened angrily, scowling at the little white dragon with malice. Hakkai smiled at the dragon, as it gave Hakkai puppy eyes.

"Nor will I stop him," Hakkai answered sweetly. Hakuryu finally relented, becoming the familiar green Jeep while still whining about the extra weight in his back seat. Gojyo didn't even want to hear about it, as it had become enough of a pain in the ass to maneuver himself in and out of the Jeep's back seat. Why couldn't Hakuryu turn into a minivan? He mused to himself.

He stepped up on the side of the car, causing it to lean towards him and creak under his weight, until he managed to hoist his middle up over the side of the car, since it didn't fit through the door either straight on or from the side, and he barely managed to wiggle his hips through to get into the Jeep itself. He then slowly turned with his back towards the seat and lowered himself down in the limited space, pressing his back against the seat and sliding himself down without pressing his belly into his knees. If he did, he'd writhe and get stuck in the door. He managed to get himself into his seat, and started trying to get the seatbelt over him, which was a whole other adventure. Goku could only stare and giggle at the kappa as he tried to get the seatbelt all the way over him, but Hakkai finally turned around and helped, and they were off.

With Gojyo weakening, Sanzo and Hakkai both knew what sort of trouble awaited them. Hakkai decided it was time to push Hakuryu a little, and drove a bit faster than he normally would to bypass the vast emptiness and find somewhere civilized and quiet. He knew that Gojyo would soon need privacy, and more protection than ever. He and Sanzo had to discuss it together, as hard as it was, but since Hakkai was the one who best understood Gojyo and Sanzo was in charge of what they did, they had to come to some agreement. Three weeks before Gojyo was to reach his assumed due, they were lucky enough to be in a small city in the midst of a forest, staying in two rooms in a quiet inn. There were no other patrons, which led to a bit of unwanted attention from the old couple who owned and ran it, but at least there were very few people to wonder at Gojyo. It wasn't that he looked odd; rather that he wasn't seen, and most knew that High Priest Sanzo traveled with three companions. Gojyo spent much of the time after they arrived in his and Hakkai's quarters, and didn't even want to come out for dinner. Late in the evening, Sanzo and Hakkai were drinking beer and trying to talk out the situation.

"Gojyo tells me that he is past thirty-seven weeks. The baby is technically full-term, its lungs should be fully formed." Hakkai kept his voice low, though he still sounded ever-so cheerful and nonchalant.

"A miracle," Sanzo muttered. "Let's hope he didn't kill the damned thing with his smoking."

"Sanzo, please try to be courteous and serious," Hakkai reminded him. "I've been trying to keep an eye on him, but he's being very quiet. You know he hasn't had a decent meal for the last week, and he just seems so distant. Especially today. He spent the whole day just staring out the window, gripping his seatbelt like it was going to break: he didn't say a word for more than ten hours! I honestly am at a loss for what to do." Sanzo seemed nonchalant as he took a deep inhale of smoke.

"We need to find out how he will give birth, chiefly, and then who will help him do it. I don't think any decent doctor would touch him."

"I helped a cat birth kittens once, and I worked on a dairy farm for a few years to earn my keep at the orphanage before I became a teacher," Hakkai chirped. "I helped and watched cats and cows, I think I can handle a half-demon. He does seem to have mostly mammalian sexual features, despite his water-spirit heritage."

"Yeah," Sanzo agreed, looking away. "Disgusting."

"That insult seemed almost forced, Sanzo." Hakkai's smile seemed to spread further across his cheeks. "You know, it's not unnatural to care about his welfare. We have all spent so much time together, caring for one another is nearly inevitable."

"Hmph." Sanzo refused to acknowledge that.

"Even still, this child won't simply go away, and I don't think we should give him or her away." Hakkai sighed. "Despite it all, Gojyo cares for his child. He wouldn't want him to be harmed by the youkai we encounter, nor would he want to give her up."

"We'll have to work on it. If all else fails, we'll leave it at a monastery for safekeeping." Sanzo shook his head and looked away.

"I suppose so." Hakkai sighed peacefully, taking another sip of beer. Goku had sat nearby, listening half-interestedly as he ate some warm apple pastries the innkeeper's kindly wife had given him, and now had to go tell Gojyo what he'd heard. He left the main room for the back of the tavern to find their sleeping quarters for the night. Gojyo was sitting on the floor, his back against the side of the bed, his legs stretched out in front of him. One hand was on his belly, and his eyes were dedicatedly focused on something in the wall.

"Oi, Gojyo." Goku tapped on the doorframe, and Gojyo seemed to snap out of a trance. He tilted his head as he looked at Goku, and smiled warmly.

"Hey. Sit down, right here, by me." Gojyo patted the spot next to him, and Goku backed up cautiously. Gojyo did not normally welcome the monkey's presence, and even Goku could keep that rattling around his tiny little brain. To Goku, this welcome looked and sounded like "Come a little closer so I can hit you without having to move."

"Uhm, I can talk from here." Goku edged back from him a bit.

"I won't get mad if you touch me. Swear on my mother's grave. Come on." Gojyo rubbed the floor, and Goku gave in and sat down beside Gojyo, stretching his legs out as well.

"Are you feeling okay?" Goku asked. As stupid as he was, he could tell that this was not the Gojyo he was used to.

"Nah, not really." Gojyo closed his eyes and leaned his head back. "But I don't care. You got something to say?"

"Gojyo, what are you gonna do when the baby gets here?" Goku asked bluntly.

"You ask me as if I know. I'll think about it when it happens," Gojyo chuckled. Goku looked up at him, raising his eyebrows.

"But, don't parents normally want to do something for their kids before they get to the world? I mean, babies need stuff, don't they? Hakkai told me that babies need stuff."

"All my kid needs is me. It's all he'll ever need, all he'll ever get." Gojyo smiled weakly, not looking at Goku. "Not gonna need his other father, or anyone else…"

"Gojyo, I'll be there for little cousin." Goku smiled encouragingly at him, but Gojyo didn't respond at all. He was breathing heavily, cupping his hand on top of the massive swell of his abdomen. Goku curiously prodded Gojyo's side, and Gojyo hissed in pain. Goku jumped back. "I barely touched you! That didn't hurt!"

"Ssss… aah!" Gojyo let out a groan, clenching his fingers and stomping one foot. Goku rose his eyebrows, and immediately planted his palms on top of Gojyo's shirt.

"Is little cousin okay?"

"Yeah, don't worry, Goku, he's fine. Look, thanks for coming up here, but I need a big favor." Gojyo opened his eyes, and Goku could see his pupils were pinpricks, and he was staring through the ceiling and biting his lip. "Tell Hakkai… Tell Hakkai little cousin wants out."

"Little cousin wants out?" Goku repeated, eyes wide with confusion as he stood up. Gojyo pressed one hand into the crotch of his pants and pulled it out to show Goku that it was covered with blood.

"It wants out, and it's not taking no for an answer." Gojyo laughed coldly, a tear of pain streaking his cheek, and Goku screamed in fear and ran away.

* * *

End Notes: Le gasp!

Next time, things are only going to go deeper and deeper!

Have any thoughts? Leave a review!

Any suggestions? Leave a review!

OMG that monologue was too mushy and totally not in character? Yeah I know, but leave a review!

Leave a review. Period, full stop, look for the next chapter in the next two weeks!


	9. Omake 1

_**King Rat**_

_Deep Water, Deep Water_

Author Notes: This is not chapter 9. Nope. This is an omake, a bonus or extra, inspired by the "Ura Sai" omakes from the Reload anime.

Truth be told, I'm not ready to post chapter 9 yet. My week at school's been too crazy for me to edit it to satisfaction. However, I don't want to leave people hanging this week. I decided to see what happened when Goku asked a question we know he wants an answer to. File this under "caffeine induced humor." Or even a "palate cleanser." Please to enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. Ura Sai.

**Omake: "Where Do Babies Come From?"**

**Suggested Track: "Rush," Big Audio Dynamite II**

Goku watched as Hakkai's knitting needles twitched rapidly in his hands, almost dizzy as the baby bootie got bigger and bigger between them. "Oi, Hakkai."

"Hmm?" Hakkai didn't look up, still smiling pleasantly.

"Since Gojyo is going to have a baby, I wanted to know; where do babies come from?" Hakkai's knitting paused momentarily, before he continued, a bit faster than before.

"Babies come from Heaven, Goku," Hakkai quickly responded. Goku tilted his head.

"Well, yeah, sure, but how do they get here from there?" Hakkai paused again, the yarn sliding off the needle, before picking up again, even faster.

"You see… that is… well, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they… do a special dance." Hakkai was still smiling as firmly as he could. "And after they do that dance, the angels know they want a baby, and so they send it to them, but it takes a while for them to ship it."

"Oh. Okay. A dance." Goku nodded sagely as though he understood. Hakkai sighed with relief and continued knitting. "So, why do people have to have sex? What does sex have to do with getting a baby?" The knitting needles slid out of Hakkai's hand and clattered to the floor.

"Ah… you see… that is… I don't know…" Hakkai's eyes were wide, his jaw remained open, silent, ready to catch flies. Goku stared at him, squinting, before poking him. Hakkai fell back in a dead faint. Goku shrugged and bounced away to find someone who could answer his question.

"Oi, Sanzo!" Goku jumped up behind Sanzo, who was reading the evening paper with a cigarette dangling between his lips. Sanzo grunted indifferently. "Sanzo! Sanzo! Sanzo!" Sanzo groaned under his breath, and Goku continued to throttle and bounce to get Sanzo's attention. "Sanzo!"

"What the hell do you want?" Sanzo finally growled, folding part of his paper over to glare at Goku. Goku leaned close to Sanzo's face, a big grin covering Sanzo's eyes.

"Where do babies come from?" Goku asked in a childish voice. Sanzo gritted his teeth, and then thwapped Goku in the face with his fan.

"The stork brings them. Shut up and go away." Sanzo folded his paper back up. Goku whined and rubbed his forehead, and then leaned close to him again.

"How does the stork get them?" Goku demanded, shaking Sanzo's knees. Sanzo scowled, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the paper.

"From a goddamn baby river. Go away," Sanzo snapped impatiently.

"Okay, Hakkai's talking about a dance, and you're talking about a river, but why is Gojyo's tummy getting big, and what does that have to do with sex?" Sanzo snapped his paper shut.

"Who told you it had anything to do with sex?" Sanzo growled. Goku shrugged.

"I don't know, I just know it does."

"You're wrong." Sanzo opened his paper again and scowled into it. Goku opened his mouth, but the second he did, Sanzo lifted his fan again. "You're wrong!" Goku groaned and stormed off.

Gojyo was fast asleep sprawled next to the inn's kotatsu, one hand subconsciously scratching his round middle. Goku peered up at him over the edge of his belly like the sun rising over a hill, and began poking and prodding him. Gojyo instantly shot up and grabbed Goku around the neck.

"What do you want?" Gojyo grumbled, wringing Goku's neck. Goku choked and squeaked, and Gojyo released him.

"Baby… where they come from?" Goku stammered. Gojyo scowled, and leaned over him.

"You really wanna know?"

"Yes!" Goku nodded excitedly, his head a blur and his brain audibly rattling.

"Okay." Gojyo scowled, his whole visage darkening. "When a man and another, more unfortunate man get it on, the Merciful Goddess decides it's time to ruin their lives because she hasn't gotten laid in a thousand years, so she sticks whichever one she likes less with a baby and she puts it in his gut. And then the baby sucks all of your energy and blood and food and happiness." Gojyo's eyes darkened as he seemed to tower over Goku. "And then, when it's too big to fit inside you anymore, it comes right out your ass! Right- out- your- Goku?" Goku's jaw had dropped wide, wide open with intrigue. Then, Goku got up and ran out of the room.

"Hakkai! Sanzo! How's Gojyo going to do the dance with the stork in his ass?!"

END OMAKE 1

* * *

**End Notes: **Chapter 9 should be posted next week, possibly on Wednesday. I hope to have some other special treats with it!

Leave a review!


	10. Deep Water

**King Rat**

_Deep water, deep water, senseless denial_

_I went down like a rag doll, rage of a child_

Author Notes: The long-awaited chapter 9!

It is said that on Christmas Day, the Virgin Mary gave birth to Jesus, the son of God. Realistically, Christ was probably born in summer rather than winter, and the holiday was adjusted to match up with pagan celebrations of the winter solstice, and I'm an atheist anyway. So, I shall celebrate this holiday with a new chapter and a much more interesting birth, albeit a non-virgin.

Please to enjoy!

Disclaimer: If you see something you do not like, hit the back button. I do not own any of this. And to be fair: the epithet is a quote from the song "King Rat." Awesome song.

Get your feet wet.

**9: Deep Water**

Suggested Tracks: "House of the Rising Sun," Muse; "King Rat," Modest Mouse (reprised)

Sanzo and Goku were in their inn room next to Gojyo and Hakkai's, playing mah-jongg in silence. They had nothing to say, and they were listening intently to the noise from the next room. Their silent, serene-looking game was in sharp contrast to the screaming and panting they could hear through the paper-thin walls. Gojyo's voice rose into a murderous screech. He sounded like he was being cut from sternum to scrotum very, very slowly. His voice finally broke and the scream dissolved, and Hakkai's voice, calm and soothing, could be heard indistinctly comforting him, and Gojyo could be heard panting against a new scream as he gasped for breath. His voice rose into a wail, and Goku finally slammed his hands down on the table.

"Sanzo, he's dying! He's dying and there's nothing we can do!"

"Shut up," Sanzo growled, scowling heartlessly at the monkey king. "He is not dying. He's weak. If childbirth hurt that much, women would have stopped doing it ages ago."

"But Gojyo is not a woman!" Goku insisted. "He's not pretty enough!"

"Shut up," Sanzo retorted, his voice deadpan, as he extinguished the cigarette he'd finished and started a new one. Goku noticed that the match and flame quaked in Sanzo's hand, and realized somewhere in his monkey brain that Sanzo was much better at hiding his anxiety than he was. He bit his lip, and was silent for a moment. Gojyo's screaming could be heard again, and both of them closed their eyes and listened intently.

Four hours before, Goku had rushed down into the tavern hall and jumped onto the table. "Gojyo's bleeding!" He whined, stomping his feet and knocking over the beer cans. "Gojyo's bleeding everywhere!"

"Idiot monkey!" Sanzo barked, and he swept Goku's legs with his fan and sent him toppling to the ground. Hakkai, however, stood up.

"My, my, my," he sighed softly. "Is it that time already?" He picked up the empty beer cans and put them in the trash, utterly calm. "Sanzo, please keep Goku out of the way. I don't think he should watch what's about to happen to Gojyo."

Sanzo kept Goku sequestered in the next room, but there was nothing he could do to keep him from hearing Gojyo's pained screams. However, the sounds were pissing him off as it was, so he abruptly pushed back from the table. "Come on. Let's go see him. I'll show you he's not dying, he's just making noise." He exited their room and went to the neighboring room, standing and staring at the door. Goku followed, as Gojyo's voice rose again. Sanzo and Goku glanced briefly at one another, and Sanzo threw the door open.

Gojyo had been stripped down to his shirt, and he'd torn the sleeves off of even that. He was sitting on the floor, arms behind him gripping onto the back of a chair to keep his torso upright. His body poured sweat, and a towel between his spread legs was soaked in blood. Sanzo couldn't even tell where the blood was coming from, but it looked like Kanzeon Bosatsu had provided for the birth somehow. Hakkai emerged from the washroom with a fresh towel, and added the soiled one to a large pile of crimson cloth. Gojyo panted as a new contraction started, pinprick pupils focused on Sanzo. Hakkai noticed Gojyo's gaze, and looked over his shoulder with rage in his eyes.

"Sanzo! Goku! Get out!" He snapped, and Sanzo clapped his hands over Goku's eyes and mouth. Hakkai grunted with disgust, and turned back to Gojyo with a silk teabag in his hands, dangling by its strings. "I prepared this according to an old recipe midwives use. Benign herbs that will help with the pain. Just let me tuck it under your tongue..."

"No, no, I won't!" Gojyo moaned, leaning his head back as Hakkai tried to stuff the satchel in his mouth. He was interrupted by his own body, gasping, writhing, and moaning in pain for a moment, but he gritted his teeth and looked back at Hakkai. "I don't deserve an easy birth, not when I'm a taboo against the gods as it is!"

"Eat the fucking leaves," Sanzo hissed, clamping down over Goku as hard as he could. "For god's sake, if you keep making that noise, people are going to think we're doing something fucked up here, and they'll come and check and see that we are!" Gojyo scowled, still trying to hold a groan in his throat, and Hakkai pushed the satchel of herbs towards his mouth and smiled gently. Finally, he opened his mouth, and Hakkai set the small satchel under his tongue. Gojyo felt his body go numb, though he knew the pain was there and he could feel blood still gushing from him as the contraction ended. "Hakkai, why is he bleeding like that?" Sanzo demanded sharply, keeping his hands firmly over Goku's eyes.

"Ah, well, it would seem that the Merciful Goddess has quite literally ripped Gojyo a new one. Where is the father at a time like this?" Hakkai lamented sweetly, his smile back in place, and Sanzo simply grunted. He turned Goku away from the scene and swept out, escorting the blinded, silenced boy away from the bloody scene. He only released Goku when their room door was closed again. Goku looked at Sanzo with a solemn look.

"Poor Gojyo," he lamented childishly. "He's got a lot of blood, huh?"

"Not for much longer," Sanzo muttered, shaking his head. "Not unless there's some sort of miracle I don't know about happening." He inhaled the smoke of his cigarette intensely, trying to calm his pounding heart.

Hakkai pressed his hands against the flesh just above Gojyo's pubic bone. He was smiling now that Gojyo was no longer screaming in pain, but the smile seemed more plastic than ever. He shook his head a bit. "Gojyo, I'm afraid I don't feel the head. I feel feet." Gojyo moaned a bit, but he was gagged by the pouch of herbs. "The baby is breech. This is still going to be very difficult, and will be even more so once those herbs lose their effectiveness… Or if I should decide I would rather you talk than feel no pain." Hakkai grabbed the strings that hung out from between Gojyo's lips and pulled the bag out. "As promiscuous as you are, I must ask; is the father more likely to be human or youkai?"

"Human," Gojyo panted, shaking down to his fingertips as the pain came flooding back. "Please- give me-"

"Oh good, at least we will not have to fear effects from the Minus wave… Though I don't know what the rules would be, since this has never happened before. Pity we don't know who the father is, eh?" Hakkai put the herbs back on Gojyo's tongue, but Gojyo's eyes were wide. Was Hakkai really going to torment him now, of all times?

"Dun do 'is t'meh," Gojyo mumbled, but Hakkai smiled affectionately and rubbed Gojyo's cheek.

"I only want to help you. Now that you're dependent on me, you will have to tell me the truth. I don't believe you're as promiscuous as you want me to believe. You know who the father is, don't you?" Hakkai grabbed the strings of the satchel again, and his smile had never seemed more sinister. "I think you should tell me."

Sanzo and Goku looked at the wall of the next room as they heard Gojyo scream again. Sanzo shook his head solemnly and closed his eyes as Gojyo screeched, "You bastard! You twisted bastard!" He wailed like a banshee, and Goku shivered as they heard Gojyo's feet pounding the floor. Goku hung his head for a moment as his lower lip wiggled.

"Hoi, Sanzo, I had a thought." Goku looked back up at the priest again. "Don't people sometimes talk about going into the water when they're in lots of pain, like a hot spring?"

"You had a thought? Don't hurt yourself," Sanzo scoffed. "Still, I have heard that cold water will help numb pain." Sanzo banged on the wall. "Oi! Put the kappa in the bathtub!"

"Water!" Gojyo gasped softly, then winced as he tried to draw breath again. "He's right- I'm half water demon- this'll be easier in water!"

"It's a good idea," Hakkai mused cheerfully, swinging the herb pouch around his fingers. "I'll have the father run you a bath, if you like… ah, but a pity that the father isn't here to help you."

Sanzo and Goku had pressed their ears to the wall, and Goku's jaw dropped. "Oh, no way Hakkai's refusing to help him!"

"I can hear you Goku," Hakkai responded through the wall, "and I am helping him. But I want the truth. He almost killed himself the way Kanan did, and I want to know what monster I have to thank for his suffering." Goku gasped and Sanzo's eyes went dark as they realized Hakkai's grudge. Gojyo's voice choked into another cry, cracking, breaking, and dissolving into sobs. Sanzo walked away from the wall, and Goku kept listening intently to Gojyo's cries. "Gojyo, speak."

"I can't! I made a promise! I signed a contract! I can never disclose the things I've done, Hakkai, please don't make me suffer for it!" Gojyo moaned.

"Why would you suffer, Gojyo? You can tell me, I won't look down on you. We're all friends, and we don't want to hurt you," Hakkai reassured him, squeezing his hand kindly. "I just want to punish the bastard."

"You hypocrite!" Gojyo roared. "It was my idea- what I did- it's my fault! If anyone should be punished, it's me, and I am!" He cried out again, his voice rising and falling, and Hakkai caressed his cheeks. He began to speak as the pain ebbed away. "I… I am being punished. I can't break the contract… if I did, I'd never be able to speak to him again… don't make me tell you his name. He'll deny me outright, and I…"

"Do you love him, Gojyo?" Hakkai asked softly, cupping his chin in his hands and running his fingernails against Gojyo's cheek.

"I…" Gojyo gasped in a sting of pain, "I don't know… all I know is that I don't want to lose that chance… can't lose him… I can't break the con-"

There was a sickening ripping sound, and both Hakkai and Gojyo looked to the door where Sanzo now stood. Hakkai could almost see his aura visibly, and it was red with rage as he dropped two pieces of a contract to the ground. Sanzo strode across the room, snatching the satchel from Hakkai's fingers as he rushed to pick up the pieces of paper and put them back together. He seemed to calm as he knelt down by Gojyo and tucked the herbs back under his tongue, and Hakkai unfolded the contract and ran his eyes over the terms quickly.

"This is my responsibility, Gojyo." He glanced at Hakkai over his shoulder. "I'll kill you later."

"Sanzo, you're an utter monster. A true King of Rats," Hakkai sighed, and Sanzo turned away from him, deciding to ignore Hakkai and focus on what he knew to be important.

"You're a fool," Sanzo said softly, as he clasped Gojyo's hand and squeezed it. "You should have broken that stupid contract a long time ago."

"You'd hate me forever," Gojyo mumbled against the herbs. "I thought you hated me before, and you'd never look at me again." Sanzo shook his head and rested his other hand on Gojyo's stretched, swollen midsection.

"I don't hate you." He pressed his fingers into Gojyo's skin and caressed him gently. "This is my child, and… I should have broken the contract before now." Gojyo couldn't stop himself from grinning even though his eyes brimmed with tears of pain. "I will be the one to hold your hand, to rub your face and comfort you, and I will be the one to take you to the river--"

"The river?" Hakkai interrupted, his face serious. "I saw a river a few miles back, just out of town, but how do you plan on getting him there?"

"I'll suppress his bleeding and carry him," Sanzo said gruffly, "if I must."

"Why would you want to take him there anyway?" Hakkai sighed, as Sanzo wiped the sweat from Gojyo's forehead and started to clean the blood off his legs.

"Ne, Sanzo, weren't you born in a river?" Goku asked from the door, eyes wide in confusion. Hakkai's head lifted in realization, and he quickly shot his eyes back to Gojyo and Sanzo. It made sense to Hakkai now. Without another word, he helped Sanzo wrap Gojyo's hips in a clean towel to catch the blood. Sanzo helped the shivering, slouching kappa to his feet, and Hakkai draped a blanket around him to cover his pale, sweaty face and hide his shame. Gojyo leaned on Sanzo, and Hakkai helped the priest support Gojyo in a stand and keep him upright as they walked the barefoot man down the stairs to the exit.

"Oi, Goku, close the door! God, you must have been born in a barn," Gojyo managed to tease, and Hakkai giggled softly. It was late by this time, and there was nobody to speculate about the strange parade. However, the innkeeper's wife had roused from the screaming and waited for them in the kitchen. She gawked at the sight of Gojyo, shivering under a blanket with blood dripping off his feet, and turned to Hakkai.

"Whatever has happened to that poor man?" Hakkai blocked her view as she asked this, and Sanzo supported Goyjo's weight to the door.

"I'm afraid one member of our party has been ill, very ill," Hakkai informed her gently. He cast a glance over his shoulders at Sanzo. "We apologize for the noise. I promise you, this will be taken care of."

Hakkai roused Hakuryu once they were outside, and with a few bitchy chirps, he turned into the Jeep. Sanzo lifted Gojyo and lay him carefully in the backseat, and jumped in to rest Gojyo's head into his lap. Goku took the shotgun seat, but turned around to gawk as Gojyo began to grunt softly in discomfort again.

"Don't wake people up," Sanzo muttered, smoothing Gojyo's hair back from his face. "Be quiet."

"Nothing but a corrupt monk and a pervy kappa. Nothing to see here," Gojyo chuckled weakly. Sanzo didn't smile- did he ever?- but his eyes seemed softer as he looked down at Gojyo. Hakkai started the Jeep, and they rumbled back into the wilderness. Sanzo took a cigarette from his pocket and lit it, but instead of smoking it, he held it in the air and let Gojyo smell the smoke.

"Listen very carefully, Gojyo, because I'm only going to say this once." Sanzo looked down into Gojyo's eyes, and began to speak the words of a poem from a distant land.

"As the lily among the thorns, so is my love among the daughters.

As the apple tree among the trees of wood, so is my beloved among the sons. His fruit is sweet to my taste.

His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth caress me.

I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that ye not stir up nor awake my love 'til he please.

By night on my bed, I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but found him not.

Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves' eyes within thy locks. Thy lips are a thread of scarlet, and thy speech is comely; thy temples are a piece of pomegranate within thy locks.

My left hand should be under thy head, and my right should embrace thee…" The cigarette extinguished itself in the filter, and Sanzo flicked it into the forest. Gojyo, with his left hand on his belly, and his right hand clasped firmly in Sanzo's, could say nothing, even as his eyes moistened. Sanzo used the edge of his sleeve to dab at Gojyo's tears. "You have to stop crying."

Gojyo pulled the herbs from his mouth for a moment to say, "I'm not crying because I'm sad, stupid. There's something coming out of me, and I can't hold it back anymore." Sanzo stared down at Gojyo, silently taking in his meaning, and Gojyo put the pouch back in his mouth. Hakkai hit the brakes as they reached a bridge on the path, and parked beside the river. He jumped out and helped lift Gojyo from Sanzo's lap, and Sanzo exited and went to help get Gojyo out and standing. As he got to his feet on the ground, the blood-soaked towel dropped from between his legs to the ground, and he folded both hands over his belly and kept his mouth shut. Hakkai tried to fix the blanket around Gojyo, but Goku had already seen what he was trying to hide.

"G-Gojyo, you've got something sticking out of your ass!" Goku yelped, jumping out of the Jeep and panicking in place. Gojyo gritted his teeth.

"There's nothing I can do about that!" Gojyo shouted, and snarled in a wave of pain, his knees giving out. Sanzo caught him under the arms. "These damn herbs… they're not helping anymore!" Sanzo scoffed quietly and half-carried him to the bank, and walked him to chest-deep water. His robes were dragged in the current. "Sanzo, the stupid-little-fucker is up-side-down!" Gojyo choked out, biting down on the insides of his cheeks to try and drain what he could from the herbs.

"Evict him. If he doesn't know how to live inside you, you'll have to teach him better in the outside world," Sanzo urged him. He held Gojyo's torso upright against his chest, and Gojyo leaned back against him for support, spreading his legs and trying to find footholds on the rock-covered riverbed. "Just enjoy the deep water, Gojyo. I think we've been in it long enough." Hakkai removed his shoes and entered the water, and stood downstream of them between Gojyo's legs. He rolled up his sleeves, and sighed softly to center himself.

"Gojyo, you're going to feel this," Hakkai warned sweetly. Gojyo choked on his spit as Hakkai used his fingers to wedge the birth canal open. Sanzo gripped Gojyo tight, pouring water on his forehead to keep him cool, as he poured sweat and panted. "Lift his torso so that his hips tilt down. Gravity will be our friend tonight." Sanzo hoisted Gojyo up at this behest, and Hakkai forced his hand up to the wrist into Gojyo. Gojyo cried out, but Sanzo shushed him.

"Don't be a baby," he growled, "you've had bigger things in there." Gojyo's face twitched- he obviously wanted to laugh, but he couldn't. Hakkai finally pulled his hand out, and Sanzo could see clearly that there were two tiny feet hanging out of Gojyo. He looked away from the sickening sight, but Hakkai seemed unfazed.

"This is very much like birthing calves," Hakkai remarked offhandedly. "Perhaps you shall be milked, too!" He laughed nonchalantly, and Sanzo glared at him.

"Shut up, this is a bad time for jokes! Get the damn thing out of him."

"Sanzo, your child is not a thing," Hakkai crooned. Sanzo's upper lip curled.

"It's killing him!" He looked downright vicious, and Gojyo felt his vision go fuzzy. Pain rushed over him like the current's waves, and he felt like he was sinking. Sanzo pulled him back up and splashed water on his face.

"You need to stay aware," Sanzo warned him.

"Gojyo, try and push on the next contraction. Your body seems to be doing the work without you, try and put some real effort into it. I'll help pull." Hakkai kept his hands around the baby's ankles, and Gojyo took a deep breath as the pain began to throb down his abdomen. He groaned, and forced down as much as he could. Hakkai gently tugged, and Gojyo cried out as the legs slid out and stuck at the belly as the contraction ended. Hakkai pulled very carefully as Gojyo shouted in fear and shock, bringing the tiny torso forward. It was almost impossible to imagine that such a small creature was causing Gojyo so much pain. "Now, the shoulders. They're the broadest part, but I need to be sure the arms don't get twisted around…"

"I'm going to die," Gojyo panted. "I'm going to die, and the kid ain't gonna make it, and it's gonna be all my fault."

"Don't talk like that," Sanzo ordered firmly. "I'll kill you myself if you give up now."

"Jerk."

"Shut up."

"Gojyo, this too will hurt," Hakkai informed him. "But if the shoulders get stuck, you will be beyond my limited abilities and resources."

"Just get it out, then. Do what you have to," Gojyo muttered, and braced himself against Sanzo. Hakkai carefully slid in his finger tips around the baby's sides, and carefully shifted the arms into the opening and out. Gojyo opened his mouth, but he didn't have the energy to scream anymore. He stretched his mouth open like a snake unlocking its jaw as a new contraction began. With Hakkai twisting the baby's entire body, the shoulders burst forth with a gush of blood. Gojyo tried harder to breathe, finally filling his lungs, and with one last effort, the head emerged. Hakkai took the undersized newborn in his palms and brought it to the surface. Sanzo lifted Gojyo again so he could see the still-attached infant in Hakkai's hands. He could only wonder how something so small had gotten so twisted around in Gojyo's big belly.

"It's a little boy. You did well," Hakkai chirped. Gojyo panted for breath, barely able to smile at his new son, as Hakkai pulled a short knife from his belt and sliced the umbilical cord. Gojyo reached forward, and Hakkai laid the baby on his chest. Gojyo curled one arm under him, keeping the baby's head just above the water to wash the blood from him. He coughed; water and other fluids burst from his nose and mouth, and his tiny chest began to heave out shrill cries. Sanzo shifted one hand from under Gojyo to touch the baby's fuzzy head. He had a very thin coat of light-colored hair.

"He doesn't look like a half-demon at all," Sanzo remarked quietly. "He looks almost normal." Gojyo didn't have the attention span to retort, as he felt more pain. He watched Hakkai fussing over the baby, Sanzo tousling his little shocks of hair, chewing his lip to try and maintain his peace. He let out a few strained whimpers, but finally couldn't hold it back.

"Hakkai, it still hurts, it's coming back!" Gojyo cried, and Hakkai leaned forward to reclaim the baby from his chest.

"Just the placenta, Gojyo, it'll be easy in comparison. Goku!" Goku jumped to his feet from where he'd been cheering Gojyo on, and Hakkai approached him with the baby in his arms. "Goku, wrap him in one of the blankets we have in the trunk, lay him on his back in the Jeep, and turn the heater on. Watch him carefully, he's very small. If he stops breathing, yell."

"Can do! Hi, little cousin!" Goku chirped, and waved before scooping the baby into his arms and hop-skipping to the waiting Jeep. He wrapped the tiny baby up in a blanket, lay him down, and stared intently at his rising and falling chest. Despite his confusion, he was very happy to meet his new friend.

Sanzo kissed Gojyo's forehead as he began to pant again. "You did well. You're almost done."

"The placenta should be very loose after all that effort. I'll just give you a little help." Hakkai took the loose cord in his hands and began to pull it out, but it didn't budge. It seemed to retract into Gojyo's still bulging abdomen, and Gojyo cried out softly, his voice still weak. Hakkai paused in his efforts. "Gojyo, how badly does it hurt?" Gojyo exhaled in a soft hiss, and his eyes opened wide.

"There's still something moving," he whispered in epiphany.

"Ahh, I see. I thought you were on the large side for a normal pregnancy," Hakkai chirped with a smile not at all befitting the situation. Fraught with fright and pain, Gojyo's eyes rolled back in his head. Sanzo dunked Gojyo's head in the water to rouse him, and pulled him back up again as Hakkai said, "There must be a second baby."

"Se… second?" Gojyo mumbled, mind bleary with pain and confusion.

"You carried twins all this time and didn't figure it out?" Sanzo looked down at him, a look of concern on his face despite his tone. "You'll just have to work whatever magic you have." Gojyo began to pant again, as his muscles restricted against him again, and his legs finally buckled, sinking his body lower into the water. Sanzo tightened his grip and lifted him up to keep his head above the waterline. Hakkai relayed the new information to Goku on the shore, and Goku all but exploded with eager joy.

"Go pervy kappa! Show the brat who's boss!" Gojyo gritted his teeth.

"Shut up! I… I can't do it, I'm too tired…"

"You carried them, now you have to give them life," Hakkai said gently. Sanzo leaned down to speak into Gojyo's ear.

"I would have carried the second for you if I could. Do what the gods have bid you do." Sanzo kissed Gojyo's mouth, and Gojyo shivered as he got to taste Sanzo again.

Sanzo pulled back, and Gojyo summoned what strength he had left, took a deep breath, and pushed through the next contraction. A scalp of red hair, more red than the blood flowing from him, pushed against the walls. His voice broke out in a new scream, air he didn't know he had, and Sanzo's eyes were dark and hopeless as he looked down into Gojyo. "Gojyo, name our son," he urged him gently.

"Sha Yohei," Gojyo breathed, trying to regain his energy between contractions. "Just like I said before."

"Yohei," Hakkai repeated with a grin. Sanzo glared at him briefly. "Gojyo, should something go wrong, what do you wish to name this one?"

"Genjo Aho," Gojyo chuckled weakly. Sanzo rolled his eyes. "No, I want to see it first."

"What if you don't see him or her?" Hakkai asked seriously.

"I don't know. I'll think about it when it happens. Maybe Gojyo II- the Revenge of Gojyo," Gojyo joked, sweat mingling with blood from his chewed lips. His face froze in a wince as his muscles rebelled again, and Gojyo's voice rattled in his throat.

"Breathe, take a deep breath, you need to fill your diaphragm!" Hakkai urgently tried to bring the baby's head out, and Gojyo gasped in breath and screamed out again. Finally, the head emerged, and Hakkai held it in his palms. Hakkai looked between Gojyo and the baby. "Think of your Yohei, think of how beautiful he is!" Hakkai encouraged him. "This one has more of your features!"

"Hell, like the world needs more of me…" Gojyo groaned, and Sanzo pressed his hands into Gojyo's chest. Hakkai almost had to go underwater to work between Gojyo's legs as he sunk lower in the water, his strength fading the longer he had to support himself. Gojyo took a final deep breath and readied himself at the start of the contraction, and forced himself through one more push. The shoulders emerged, followed quickly by the chest, and Hakkai wrenched the infant out and free of its flesh capsule. The second twin was in his hands, and the mass of blood that had protected him and his brother, loosened from the effort, came free in the same push and was away down the river the moment Hakkai cut the cord.

"It's another boy, Gojyo," Hakkai said softly, as the baby coughed and cried in his arms. The second baby was bigger than Yohei, though not by much. Sanzo lifted Gojyo to the surface, one hand on the small of his back.

"Lift your feet, legs straight out, float on your back," Sanzo instructed calmly, as though he'd forgotten how to swim. Gojyo, still out of breath and terribly weak, obeyed, and Sanzo supported his weary back to guide him to the sandy banks. Hakkai walked beside them, and as Gojyo was laid on the shore, he set the newborn on Gojyo's chest. Father and son were recumbent in the same place in the universe, with waves lapping over them.

"Eiji," Gojyo mumbled, cupping the boy's head in his hand. When Eiji's eyes blinked open through his confused cries, they were distinctly crimson. Sanzo knelt beside Gojyo and ran his finger across Eiji's temples, and then wrapped him in a plain blanket to dry and warm him.

"Sha Eiji. It suits him well." He cradled the infant instinctively, and briefly brushed his lips against the boy's forehead. He moved still-crying Eiji to the Jeep's back seat and set him next to Yohei, who was already asleep. The twins were together again, and Eiji silenced once he felt the heat of the rumbling Jeep.

"Eiji and Yohei," Hakkai giggled pleasantly to himself as he folded the blankets over each infant's head to cover their sparse hair. "Welcome to the world, then!" Goku giggled goofily, peering at the twins from the front seat with a silly smile.

"Little cousin Yohei is very pretty and good-looking, but Eiji looks like he has holes in his skull!" Sanzo, who'd returned to Gojyo's side, rolled his eyes and tossed the fan to Hakkai, who promptly thwacked Goku across the back of his head.

"I think Eiji has his father's delicate face," Hakkai corrected Goku, "though I think both children will be very handsome. Even Hakuryu thinks they are fine specimens." Hakuryu cooed in affirmation. Truthfully both boys were, as all babies are, fairly purplish, somewhat lumpy, and not particularly looking like anyone, but you would not be able to tell Sanzo's party that and get away unscathed. Hakkai brought towels to Sanzo and Gojyo. "How are you, Gojyo?"

"Alive," Gojyo mumbled, tilting his head back to look up. Sanzo pulled Gojyo up the shore and gently toweled him off.

"You've done enough for today. We'll go back to our inn so you can rest-"

"N-no, Sanzo, I gotta feed 'em," Gojyo interrupted, as Sanzo calmly redressed him in his oversized pants. Gojyo was nearly swimming in them without his baby weight. Sanzo looked down at Gojyo, face as serious as always.

"I will feed them." His voice was calm and cool. Gojyo whimpered, and protested again.

"They're naked, they need clothes and diapers, I have nothing for them-"

"I will cover their nakedness, and tend to their bodily needs."

"Sanzo, they will need to be held and comforted if they cry again, and if I sleep now, who will-"

"I am their father," Sanzo countered serenely. "I shall be Guan Yin with one thousand arms and give them whatever they require to live and live contently. You shall sleep now until you need to sleep no more." Sanzo kissed Gojyo again before he could respond, then wrapped him in a blanket and carried him to the Jeep. He carefully seated him in the backseat, and Hakkai lay one infant in each of his arms. Sanzo sat beside him, watching serenely as Gojyo held both infants against him in an awkward scoop, but Gojyo smiled contently as they seemed to nestle themselves close to his warmth.

He was asleep before the engine turned over. Hakkai couldn't help but briefly turn his gaze back to Gojyo, Sanzo, and the sleeping infants, and say softly to nobody in particular, "What do you have to say for yourself?"

_To be continued…_

* * *

End Notes: Translation notes!

Aho- Aho is Japanese for "idiot" or "fool." I would have put "Baka" but somehow, I feel that term is somewhat overused.

Yohei and Eiji- Both normal, if somewhat uncommon Japanese boy's names. Yohei means "flat sea." Eiji has several meanings: "eternity, next; great peace; great second son; prosperity, peace."

"Guan Yin with a thousand arms"- Guan Yin is the Chinese for Kannon. Kannon = Kanzeon Bosatsu. In the traditional Buddhist tale, the sage Guan Yin wanted a thousand arms and a thousand eyes so she could see all who needed her and help them. (Wikipedia is your friend!) I used Guan Yin rather than her better-known forms because it refers to the more traditional Merciful Goddess, and Kanzeon Bosatsu as we know her is somewhat mischievous and cold.

And a reader poll! _Do you think Hakkai knew Sanzo fathered the babies before he admitted it? _Share your thoughts!

Next chapter will be the last, except for maybe one more bonus. Be sure to keep your eyes peeled- someone will finally say "I love you, Gojyo!"

Questions? Review.

Anything to say? Review.

Did you read the chapter? Review!

Your reviews will be the best Christmas presents I could ever ask for!


	11. The Flat, Unassuming Sea

**King Rat**

_Deep Water, Deep Water_

**Author Notes:** This is the last chapter, but truth be told, I don't think I'm entirely done with this story. Read the end notes for more info!

**Disclaimer:** If you do not like what you read, hit the back button. Otherwise, just about none of this is mine, except for Yohei and Eiji. They're mine.

**10: The Flat, Unassuming Sea**

**Suggested Tracks: **"Fireflies," Owl City; "On The Bus Mall," The Decemberists

Gojyo was laid to sleep in Sanzo's inn room, in his bed, wrapped in sheets that had to be changed often as he still bled. Eiji and Yohei were cradled in the sheets beside him when they slept, and Sanzo slept on the floor. He managed to acquire clothing and powdered baby formula (charged on his Three Aspects Gold Card) and took as much responsibility for the infants as Hakkai would allow. The innkeeper and his wife were surprised, after initially meeting Sanzo sans enfant, to see him giving bottles every two hours, kneeling on the floor mid-meal to change a soiled diaper, and walking the upper hallway with two unknown infants swaying in his arms.

"I heard it told once that the 31st of China, High Priest Genjo Sanzo was pulled from the river, an orphan. I never thought much of it, but just yesterday, I heard the rumor that he found those two in the river near here when he took an ill party member there and pulled them to safety himself," the innkeeper's wife informed her husband in a whisper, as they spied on Sanzo evenly pacing the hallway with Yohei wailing onto his shoulder. Sanzo's face was stony, but he patted and rubbed the small boy's back tenderly. He would keep pacing until Yohei's crying ceased, and then wait for Eiji to begin his own cries.

Gojyo slept for two days. He stirred only occasionally, twice or thrice a day, to drink water or stumble to the facilities, but he didn't speak much and nothing he said was coherent. He would wake for a moment, seek out his needs, crawl back to the bed, kiss his sons if they were there, and drift back off into a deep sleep. He awoke on the third day, and stayed awake when he realized coherently that his sons were not there, and he didn't know where they were. He instinctively sought them out, wandering from the bed to the hall. He noticed in the mirror that he'd been redressed, in clean pajama pants and one of his old tank tops, and was smiled in silent thanks to whichever of his friends had changed him. He folded his hands over his flat-again middle, surprised that he'd shrunk so quickly, and went to peer into the next room. Goku was fast asleep on the floor, tangled in sheets and snoring, but Hakkai wasn't there. He checked the clock- five in the morning- and checked outside- there was only a sliver of sun. He meandered to the main tavern hall, and smiled to see Sanzo and Hakkai seated at one of the tables with both twins laid out on a blanket on the table. Hakkai was preparing baby formula with warmed milk from a tea kettle, while Sanzo was cradling Yohei and nursing him from a bottle. Eiji was squirming and whimpering, but Sanzo could only look at him wearily.

"Patience, Eiji. You must wait. Would it were not so, but I've only two arms," Sanzo reminded him, but the look in his eyes and the sound of his voice was warm. Gojyo made his way down the stairs and sat at the table between Hakkai and Sanzo. Gojyo half-noticed a large bruise on Sanzo's cheek, before Hakkai laid Eiji in his arms.

"It's good to see you awake, Gojyo," Hakkai chirped, and he carefully poured some of the prepared formula into another bottle. "It will be much easier to get them both fed with you here. Sanzo does not want me to help very much."

"These are my sons, and I did nothing for them for the past nine months," Sanzo muttered. "I shall care for them."

"Yeah, you can help," Gojyo chuckled, and he edged the nipple towards Eiji's lips. The infant latched on and began to suckle greedily, wet, dark eyes seeming to focus on Gojyo for a moment before closing again in contentment. Sanzo 'hmphed' to himself, before turning himself towards Gojyo.

"Are you feeling well?" His voice was flat, as it always was, but Gojyo couldn't hear indifference in it now.

"Best I've felt in a long time," Gojyo replied with a cheerful smile. "Look at the boy go, you taught him well. You're pretty good at this. They're bigger already."

"Ahh, yes, they have grown," Hakkai chuckled. "Why, Yohei was only two and a half kilograms; Eiji was two and three-quarters of a kilogram. Yohei is well above two kilograms, eighty grams now, and Eiji is two kilograms, eighty-five grams."

"They're greedy, like Goku," Sanzo stated quietly, as he laid Yohei on his shoulder and patted his back slowly. "But they are small."

"Guess that's my fault," Gojyo muttered, and looked down anxiously when Eiji coughed. Sanzo's eyebrows rose, and he leaned over Gojyo. "Does he do that a lot?" Gojyo asked, as Sanzo surveyed Eiji intently. Sanzo nodded, and tilted the bottle in Gojyo's hand back more.

"He's eager. You have to be sure he's not inhaling it." Gojyo winced, as Sanzo lay Yohei back down on the table. Gojyo watched, surprised as Sanzo cleaned Yohei's mouth and nose. He then gave the undersized baby a soft massage with his index and middle fingers, rubbing his stomach and near his armpits. Yohei squirmed, his little toes flexing, and Gojyo heard Sanzo chuckle softly. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd imagined a quick smirk on Sanzo's face as he stared benevolently down at his older son.

"Hakkai, you taught him very well," Gojyo finally chuckled, sitting back in the chair and slowly rocking it back on its two back legs carefully. "Sanzo… uh, thanks." Sanzo looked at Gojyo over his shoulder, and then bowed his head. Gojyo smirked; he understood now. No thanks, nor any words, were in order. Eiji squeaked, and Gojyo noticed that the infant had stopped suckling, and the bottle was nearly empty. He put the bottle down and freed one hand to lightly tickle his tummy. "Heh, you got a lot of that down. Good job, shrimp." Gojyo beamed happily, and didn't know how he couldn't have ever felt so happy in his life.

"Sanzo, I'm glad you owned up to these two," Hakkai remarked quietly, as Gojyo laid Eiji down next to Yohei and helped Sanzo start changing damp diapers. "But now that you and Gojyo share children, how will you remain with them?"

"I will do what I must, Hakkai. I will meet and exceed my duties, even if it means moving you and Gojyo into the monastery with me. Perhaps the two of you will be more trouble than can be handled at a distance." He shot Hakkai a narrow-eyed look, and Hakkai giggled softly.

"Very good. Now, how shall we handle them for now?" Gojyo's eyes widened at this question. He had put off thinking about it for so long, now that he had to, he didn't know what to say, but all three of them were thinking the same thing, and Sanzo finally said it:

"We can't take them with us. It's far too dangerous." Sanzo gently rubbed Eiji's head, and Gojyo looked at his feet.

"Then we haven't got many options. I… I will just have to stay here with them, and the three of us will hide here, and when you're coming back, you can pick us up, I guess."

"That's not an option," Sanzo grunted. "I am not letting you abandon this mission now… nor will I let you stay alone with two children. God knows what you will do…"

"They can't come with us, we all know that," Goyjo muttered. "Besides the fact that Hakuryu doesn't have enough seats, we are attacked by assassins on a near-daily basis. We can each defend ourselves and one another in a pinch, but they can't defend themselves at all, and if I'm defending them, I won't be able to defend myself as well, nor come to your aid if you guys need it. Babies are good targets for youkai food, simply because they're defenseless and tender."

"Gojyo, that's a most unpleasant thought," Hakkai interrupted, but Gojyo continued.

"Look at their skin. It's soft and fatty." Gojyo gently pinched Eiji's chubby arm to demonstrate. "The muscle is soft and almost unusable. They're like little veal cutlets-"

"Oi. The last thing I want is for these two to be boiled in their own blood," Sanzo grunted. "But I don't wish to be separated from them. I believe I owe them many, many years of penance."

"What option do we have?" Gojyo sighed, smoothing back Eiji's tufts of hair. "We can't take them with us, we won't leave them behind."

"And that's where I come in," a soft voice said, and there was a bright light. The shadow of a phoenix was cast across the floor, and the trio looked to see Kanzeon Bosatsu appear. "I thank you for your service, half-demon." The fragrant goddess stepped towards them and smiled warmly at Gojyo. Sanzo and Gojyo both scowled and glared at her, but Hakkai seemed calm.

"Ah, welcome, Goddess of Mercy." He rose and bowed in greeting. "You will forgive my friends, their hands are full with your task." Kanzeon Bosatsu laughed softly, clapping her hands together.

"So I see! Yes, those souls needed new bodies, and it is most fortunate that Gojyo graciously provided. My dear fallen warriors." She beamed and leaned close to Eiji and Yohei. "They shall grow nicely. I toast your arrival with honey mead in hopes for a sweet new life. Now, for the help I shall provide…"

"How do you plan to help us? You have given me nothing but a hindrance for nine months," Gojyo muttered, patting Eiji's back as he coughed again. "Though I'll thank you for the rewards-"

"I will take them," Kanzeon Bosatsu interrupted with a bright grin.

"You're going to take my boys back?" Gojyo growled, clutching Eiji tight.

"I won't be separated from them," Sanzo muttered.

"It is your only option, High Priest Sanzo. I shall halt their development. They shall not age a day in your absence." Sanzo and Gojyo glanced at one another, and Kanzeon Bosatsu continued to smile. "For them, it will be as though you were never gone. You will continue your journey, and these innocent boys shall never miss their family." The two men thought for a moment, before coming to silent agreement.

"So be it," Gojyo mumbled. Eiji finished his bottle, and Gojyo cleaned his mouth. Sanzo looked down at Yohei, already asleep in his arms.

"Such a thing is the best option. Switch." The two traded babies, cradling heads and bottoms between their palms, and Gojyo stroked Yohei's hair and held him close.

"Sweet Yohei." He couldn't stop a smile as he said his son's name. "Unassuming, innocent boy. You have a great deal under the surface, I know. I hope that soon, you'll be able to grow up and show us." He kissed the infant's forehead, and removed his headband. He carefully laid the blue headband around Yohei's forehead, and stood up. "Love him as if he were yours." He very carefully offered the baby to Kanzeon Bosatsu, and she accepted him into her arm. Sanzo had his fingers over Eiji's heart, silent. He looked up, and reluctantly held the child out. Kanzeon Bosatsu accepted him, too.

"Tell me, the day can't be far when they can be returned to us, can it?" Hakkai asked apprehensively.

"I can tell you nothing," Kanzeon Bosatsu replied with a soft smile. "Only that they shall be returned to you when the time is right."

"It's terribly unfair to do that to us," Hakkai replied, but he shrugged his shoulders. "I suppose that's the way it must be."

"And so it is," Kanzeon Bosatsu agreed. Gojyo and Sanzo were silent, staring uselessly at Kanzeon Bosatsu, and then both looked away.

"Just go," Gojyo muttered. "Take my boys before I take them back." Kanzeon smiled warmly, and waved Yohei's hand at Gojyo before vanishing into the light of the sun trailing across the floor. Sanzo, Gojyo, and Hakkai all sighed.

"I shall miss them," Hakkai said somberly, looking down. "But… it is reassuring to know they will be safe. After all, who could even think of bringing a child into the world in the midst of the Minus Wave?"

"I did. I had to," Gojyo remarked, getting to his feet. Hakkai took what remained of the baby supplies and deposited them in a trash can. "I guess she can't do too much wrong to them, at least nothing they'll remember." Gojyo dusted his thighs off, and plucked a short strand of blonde hair from his shirt.

"We must get on the road again," Sanzo muttered dismissively. "Go wake Goku up."

"Of course. I'll get him," Hakkai accepted, and he strolled back up the stairs. Sanzo and Gojyo looked at each other, looked away at the ground, and then at one another again. Both took a seat at the table, and stared in opposite directions of one another.

"What happened to your face?" Gojyo asked. Sanzo scowled.

"Hakkai happened," Sanzo replied after a moment.

"_Oh, Sanzo!" Hakkai had called him after he had laid Eiji down beside his father and brother to sleep again. Sanzo turned around to see him waiting, wearing his usual smile, hands folded in front of him. "You will remember I stated my desire to punish the bastard who caused Gojyo such suffering and anguish."_

"_So you did."_

"_And you will note that, in fact, _you_ were the one who caused him the suffering and anguish," Hakkai added, his voice still sweet and upbeat._

"_Yes, I am," Sanzo confirmed._

"_Do you realize the terrible mistake you have made?" Hakkai asked, his grin shifting to sly as he reached for the limiter on his ear. Sanzo said nothing, staring and waiting. "Close your eyes." Sanzo obeyed, and a second later, he felt the air move. Then, he felt the massive blow to his cheek that knocked him off his feet. Sanzo grabbed the forming bruise and pushed himself back to his feet, and opened his eyes to see Hakkai walking away._

"_We are even, so long as you continue to care for your sons," Hakkai informed him over his shoulder, and Sanzo scowled._

"_Even is even," he muttered to himself._

Gojyo laughed softly at this account, and the pair was silent again. After a moment, Goku stumbled past them on his way to the restroom.

"Oi," Goku blurted sleepily as he saw them. "Where's little cousins?"

"They're with a sitter until we get back from India," Gojyo replied offhandedly.

"Oh. Okay. I love you, Gojyo," Goku mumbled stupidly as he continued on his way. Sanzo and Gojyo both scoffed quietly to themselves.

"You have quite a family, Sanzo." Gojyo finally said. Sanzo snorted to himself, and got to his feet again.

"You called for me. Your voice has wracked my brain for ages," Sanzo finally declared. "Stop."

"Yeah, I won't trouble you anymore," Gojyo muttered, grabbing his forehead and gripping his temples. He didn't know what he had expected from Sanzo, though he did not at all expect what Sanzo said next.

"No. Trouble me all you like. Trouble me as you please. You simply need not call me anymore." Sanzo unfolded his arms, and stepped closer to him. "I am here." Sanzo stared at Gojyo expectantly, arms at his sides, staring through him. Gojyo felt his jaw drop, and couldn't stop himself from rising and embracing Sanzo.

"Thank you. Thank you." Gojyo shook his head, unsure of what else to say. Sanzo smelled good. He smelled like the earth, like incense, like old paper, like warmth, and Gojyo loved it. "Thank you so much."

"Yeah," Sanzo mumbled in response. He wasn't pushing Gojyo away. Gojyo felt Sanzo's hand creep to the small of his back and squeeze his skin. Gojyo believed, just for a second, that Sanzo wanted to say something else, "Just lay off when people are watching." Gojyo released Sanzo, and Sanzo walked past him. "Come on. I got you a goddamn present."

"A present? For me?" Gojyo grinned. "What is it?" Sanzo reached into the pocket of his robe and withdrew a pack of cigarettes. He tossed it to Gojyo, who caught it, withdrew one, and lit it as he flipped it into his mouth. "Very nice-"

"Your new jacket has lots of pockets for stashing those," Sanzo added as he walked away. Gojyo quickly followed at his side as he walked up the steps, grinning. He knew now that Sanzo would keep him warm, and that would make him feel alive.

He couldn't deny it anymore.

END

* * *

End Notes: Like I said before, I don't think I'm done with this story. However, I'm not thinking in terms of a sequel. I will probably end up writing a few more scenes to fit between chapters/events and omakes, but I will not post them under this story.

I will instead create a story of bonus scenes and omakes and detail where in the story each one would fit. Keep your eyes peeled!

Did you enjoy the story? Review.

Did I fuck up bad? Review.

Anything else you would like to say? Review!

**Any questions you want answered? **Review! (I could answer them in the bonus!)

Bottom line, please please please review!

With love,

Ezra the Blue

(PS: And yes, someone did say "I love you, Gojyo." It just wasn't Sanzo. Teehee!)


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